Really Can't Stand It!

Follow me on Twitter!!

2010-06-13T20:37:00.001+08:00

Follow starsfruit.. and know what I am doing and thinking now.. updating quite often.. almost everyday..

Long time no see..

2010-06-07T00:46:00.002+08:00

haha.. very long never blog.. from Feb until now.. haha.. and my blog has become a place for spam comments..

Why no more blogging? a couple of reasons..
1) lazy
2) no time (excuse.. haha..but that's true.. I have been busy doing crazy stuff)
3) becos of I found someone to talk to and complain to (not a guy..)
4) I found other places to type out my thoughts and feelings such as facebook and twitter

I will try to blog again but currently busy with many things.. and I have decided to have a change.. and so I will be busy carrying out this change.. hopefully it is successful..

Everything ended..

2010-02-17T00:49:00.002+08:00

I am bad.. I am the one who pull the brake again.. I don't like to drag.. I don't want to waste our time.. I have no feelings.. I still holding on to previous feelings..

I want to forget.. I did forget now.. I have learnt and I think I will open my eyes big big before jumping into anything..

I am dumb but will I be dumb forever? I think I need luck..

Is this the end or start of woes?

2010-02-17T00:03:00.002+08:00

The RWS casino has finally opened.. the long awaited legal place to gamble has finally opened..

Casino is a new term in Singapore.. if Singaporeans want to gamble, they will usually take the cruise, go to Genting or further, Macau or Las Vegas.. Now it's at our door step.. To a gambler, $100 entrance fee is nothing.. haha.. and what is an annual fee of $2000 to them..

Everybody knows what good a Casino can bring to Singapore.. end of tourism woes.. a new attraction on the Singapore island.. and everybody also knows the woes that casino can bring to Singapore.. if not why a National Council of Problem Gambling is set up.. if not why there is ban on gambling for some people.. many things have to be done to prevent and help compulsive gambling.. but are these sufficient? just a few days and I already heard some people discussing about their experience of gambling at RWS.. and news have been reporting of people wanting to return to gambling very soon..

will these people exercise self control? hope so.. if not, the loan shark will be laughing and their family members will be crying..

Learn a lesson from Haiti earthquake

2010-01-17T13:37:00.002+08:00

Everybody from every parts of the world should learn from this disaster.. it is just purely a natural disaster? With all the weird weathers and disaster happening all around the globe.. I think the global warming is starting to show its power..

After the unsuccessful meeting at Copenhagen Summit, the world finally can see what their hesitant to cooperate will cause.. there may be a lot of relief funds but is it really sufficient to have the money when it cannot get to the people? there are so many deaths and it is still counting.. the country is in chaos now as it is not prepared for the disaster and relief.. Many countries has reacted super fast to this such that the airport can't accomodate the plans.. but there are still some superpower countries who don't seem to care as this did not happen in their countries..

The nature has attacked too fast for the advancement of science to take it.. the geologists have forecasted an earthquake there but they do not know when and where exactly! People living at Haiti were not relocated and saved from the quake in time.. Seems like Science is still far from being useful to save humans.. I think everybody living on Earth just has to cooperate to stop the global warming before Nature throws its temper again..

Made a choice..

2010-01-16T22:24:00.002+08:00

After the waiting.. the disappointment.. sadness.. self-denial and self-torture.. I have made a choice.. I was scared and worried initially.. but I still made the choice and say yes.. I just have to learn to fall down and climb up again.. If I never try.. how will i know whether it is right or wrong?

Nothing's more fulfilling..

2009-11-29T14:37:00.002+08:00

Nothing's more fulfilling than waking up early to eat breakfast with my parents.. how long have I not eat breakfast with them? I can't recall.. Our usual breakfast place has changed with new renovation and new stalls.. and I only realise this today.. I am a bad daughter right.. always sleep late and never eat breakfast with them..

I see age has grown on them.. they have changed to be more sensitive and I can't be more understanding and keep avoiding their concerned questions and nag.. which is also my reason to avoid eating with them.. I am damn bad and rude.. why can't I be more understanding? and I can't handle their "concerns" properly.. I just like to be impatient and throw my temper on them.. Why? I just don't like them to enter my private world.. and true.. not only them.. not many people can..

Nothing's more fulfilling than reading a touching Christmas story on The Sunday Times' Special supplement.. It's really touching.. I just can't help feeling emotional after reading it.. It is written by Chew Chia Shao Wei, the winner of 2009 Commonwealth Essay Competition.. This story is not the winning entry.. but it did show her talent in essay writing.. If you have the newspaper.. please go and read it..

Below is her winning essay.. "Unlikely Friends".. it's simple and heartwarming..

THERE was something vaguely sad about the rock. It was as old as it looked, standing weathered and lonely amidst the stretch of sand, and its thoughts were quiet as it listened to the waves.

The wide unconquerable sea touched the edges of the land like a curious animal in the way it rolled forward eagerly onto the shore. It left the land unwillingly, pulling as it went, grasping for what it could. The sand in the shallow water swirled.

The sea was no stranger to the rock on the beach. The sea came often to the rock, rushing up wetly against its warm grey, and always as it swept away it took an infinitesimal part of the rock with it. The rock had known the waves for a long time, and learned it was in its nature to erode.

One day, the sunlight on the rock was interrupted by a brief darkness in the blurred shape of a bird. The rock, interested, observed the bird winging its way uncertainly about the sky, then landing, presently, on the very rock that wondered about it.

'Where am I?' said the bird, largely to itself, as it gripped the surface of the dark grey rock with its feet and peered out at the sea.

'What are you?' countered the rock.

'I am a bird,' said the bird in surprise.

'You are a rather rude sort of bird,' the rock pointed out calmly. 'I was enjoying the sun when you came and blocked some of it from me.'

Birds exist for a very short while in comparison to rocks, and have less time to develop the exceptional serenity that rocks possess. The bird hopped from one foot to another, flapping its white wings in annoyance.

'You are a big, stupid rock!' the bird cried, its beak clicking irately. 'Funny you should feel so important, when one of these days you will have been reduced by the sea to a tiny grain of sand!'

'Yes,' agreed the rock, surprising the bird yet again, 'I shall feel rather sad when that day comes.'

'Wait, no - you are confusing me - we are in the middle of an argument!'

'I made a comment, and you responded rather explosively, after which I shared with you a private thought in concurrence with something you had said. That was not an argument at all.'

The bird paused mid-hop, disgruntled. 'Well, you are a very well-spoken rock,' it conceded, 'and not at all stupid; I'm sorry.'

The rock hummed peaceably in response and returned to its own thoughts. The bird, feeling wholly ignored, allowed itself to settle down on its newfound perch, and examined mentally the conversation that had just taken place.

Some time passed before the bird spoke again, hesitantly, as if now remembering its manners and unwilling to intrude upon the rock again.

'Rock, will you truly end up one day as nothing more than a grain of sand?'

'I expect so,' the rock rumbled. 'The sea works at me constantly, you know.'

'Is that awfully sad?' asked the passionate bird, who, while given to tempers, was intrinsically kind-hearted.

'Only to those who care,' the rock admitted, 'only to me.'

The bird was deeply moved by this, by the loneliness of the rock and the seeming inevitability of its fate. The bird considered the situation, and felt it must do something to aid the rock. Although their acquaintance had gotten off to a bad start, the bird found it rather liked the warm, rough rock, and was unwilling to leave it alone to the hunger of the sea.

'I care,' volunteered the bird, 'I will do something to help you, rock, if you will let me.'

'No,' said the rock, laughing in a way that did not mock the bird. 'Don't waste your time.'

But the bird had found a cause.

'I am your friend now, rock,' it said, and the rock was touched.

'You are just a bird,' the rock said, 'and you will be able to do nothing.'

The bird did not disagree. 'I will try.'

Over the next few days, the bird tried a variety of ways to get the rock out of harm's way. It started with simple pushing, which had proved futile, and progressed to increasingly creative ideas. On the eighth day, the bird had looped several lengths of seaweed around its friend, in the hopes of being able to pull it further up the shore.

The rock had never observed with much significance the passing of the days, and entire years blurred in its long memory, but this had been a week that would stand out forever. The frustration, the laughter, and the gratitude that the rock had experienced along with the bird would be preserved as colour images amidst a wash of sepia recollections.

The time had come, however, to begin to dissuade the bird of its altruistic notions, lest it exhaust itself with the efforts of the fruitless undertaking.

Bird was picking the rope of seaweed up in its mouth for the seventh time that day when the rock addressed it.

'I do thank you for your efforts,' it began, 'but I am beginning to feel that this was a hopeless enterprise. I know you have expended much energy over it, and it has not gone unappreciated, but perhaps we must stop here.'

The bird dropped the end of the seaweed and made to protest, but the rock would not allow it.

'You have been a faithful friend, but it seems that here I am and here I will remain. The sea works slowly, and I have much time left yet. One day, I will be sand on the beach, but the idea does not bother me so much now.'

The rock did not add that through getting to know the bird, it had realised exactly how much more ephemeral was the life of the bird, and begun to feel selfish for being unsatisfied with the idea of eventually ending up a small grain of sand.

'Let us abandon this pursuit, and instead look to happier things,' the rock ended, hoping to mollify the bird. In truth, it was unsure that the bird, now robbed of his cause, would stick around for much longer, and the thought made it feel a shiver of unhappiness.

The bird, wordlessly, began the task of unwrapping the seaweed it had covered the rock in. There was resignation in its wingtips. When it had finished, it glanced at the rock with which it had spent eight sun-drenched days, then flapped slowly into the distant sky.

The rock watched it go.

The beach was blanketed by night when the rock once again felt the feet of the bird sharp against its surface.

'I am sticking around,' the bird told the rock, 'so you won't forget me, even when you are just a grain of sand.'

The rock said nothing, but it was happy.

The years moved on, then, like they always had. The rock stayed in the same place even as the world changed around the little beach, and the bird, going off frequently on expeditions to see the world, returned always to the rock it had met so long ago.

'Tell me a story,' the rock asked the bird once, as it landed lightly.

'But you are so old and wise, no story would interest you,' teased the bird. It was older now, and it knew ever so much more about the world.

The rock chuckled, and the bird complied. 'I will tell you about the strange things I saw the last time I flew past these cliffs...'

Sometimes, it was the bird that asked for the story.

'The earth was young once,' the rock would begin, in a vivid story of the colours of the wind.

And always, imperceptibly, the years moved on - like they always had.

One morning, a long, long time from the day the bird and the rock had first met, the rock was abruptly aware of a different quality to the day. There was something in the air, maybe, or something about the sea, or the sand - the rock was uncertain, but something was different and wrong. The colours felt wrong, for instance, the sky felt green and the sand was turning white, and the sea when it touched the rock felt hot and cold and hot again.

'Bird...'

That was a strange thing for the rock to do, for it never spoke aloud when it was alone. But it called out anyway, tentatively, 'Bird... Bird...'

The word was snatched away by the wind, but it seemed to echo in the dark beach. The rock was very still, and began to feel something it had never before felt: fear. It spread slowly and coldly like the pink sun rising softly over the horizon, and the rock found that it knew that its friend the bird had died.

'How and why,' the rock murmured numbly to itself, to the sand, to the sea. 'How and why and how and why and why. Goodbye, goodbye, oh, goodbye.' So saying, it slipped gently asleep.

The bird never returned, just as the rock never again expected it to. The rock became silent once more, unused to conversation as it had once been. Its thoughts were numerous but never aired now, and frequently, it thought of its dearest friend, the bird.

As for the years, they moved on like they always had, and the world changed around the rock, just like the world was wont to.

Centuries passed, and there was something vaguely sad about the rock that was as old as it looked, standing weathered and lonely amidst the stretch of sand. And as it listened to the waves, it thought of the sun on its surface, and the bird-shaped shadow that fell just so across the warmth, warmer than the sun itself.

Nothing's more blessing than having friends who really care about you.. I finally realise that I am not alone at all.. why do I only realise this now? It's not just purely random comments on the facebook and msg on msn.. I have so many "friends".. I thought they are just became hi-bye friends who will not cross my way anymore and I least expected them to think about me or care about me.. just a simple short sentence of how are you.. really touch my heart.. I don't see them as kaypoh.. they never are.. I finally see things clearer now.. I finally know I am the one shutting ppl out from my world.. keep putting negative thoughts in my head.. when all these are not true.. I am just so wrong... I am really thankful for making me realise.. thanks for being there..

The soft side

2009-11-19T23:31:00.002+08:00

Kids have to go thru the naughty stage.. that is undeniable.. becos they don't know what is right or wrong..

My Malay neighbour kids are naughty and playful.. they always create nuisance by playing loudly and vandalise the corridor.. disturbing all the neighbours with their noise..

But you can't be angry with them.. becos they are kids.. and I even saw them gather at the staircase landing early in the morning to make a card for their mother.. it's quite touching.. they are sensible after all..

Everything has fast forward from the start to the end..

2009-11-19T23:02:00.003+08:00

Is that the end? what am I still hoping for.. still looking forward to.. what have all the promises become? they are all empty now..

No choice, no comments, whatever I say.. I hate these answers.. didn't even try or make even the slightest efforts..

Am I being unreasonable or too demanding? or I give problems? I want to help.. I want to be there.. how can I do the right thing if I don't know anything..

I felt the pain and it is still there.. I am tired.. I am not strong at all.. Can I stop thinking about everything and pretend nothing happened? I can't..

Does life ends so sudden?

2009-10-05T00:34:00.003+08:00

I received an email reply from an architect..
"Dear.. Roberto has passed away.."

When I saw this, I was so shocked.. and I felt a sourness in my heart.. although I am not close to this man, we did talk regarding work and I did know him.. to know that somebody you knew passed away.. it's quite sad.. and it is so sudden.. it really is.. I just spoke to him about 2 weeks ago.. and that time he looks okay to me.. don't look sick or weak at all.. and I have cc him an email 2 days ago but was informed about his passing by this architect whom I emailed to.. I don't dare to ask how he died.. that's being too busybody already..

I still remembered him saying "it's nice to see pretty girl coming into office once in a while" and I felt so paiseh and just smiled back.. it's true that construction site seldom has girls around.. but hear it from someone whom I don't really know, it just feel weird.. but this person is now gone..

why can life end so suddenly.. it's so unpredictable..

somebody told me that we have to live life to the fullest and not drown ourselves in work.. life can be so short and we have to treasure it.. and also treasure the people around us..

Why are they so mean?

2009-10-04T23:41:00.002+08:00

Why are the DJs from 987 so mean? How can they say something so bad about a girl who didn't do anything bad to them..

I was listening to the radio on my van and was shocked to hear all the bad things.. they were talking about Claire Lee, the first runner up for Miss Singapore.. saying how ugly she is compared to the winner, Ris Low.. saying she is more ugly than Rihanna after she was abused by Chris Brown.. very against her to take over Ris to represent Singapore and then they say they like Ris.. saying she is a candid nice girl.. honest about what she did..

If Claire's family and friends heard these, I think they will be very sad.. these comments are so awful to hear..

I think media and reporters can really bring a person up to the sky and slam a person down to bottom.. and one time they can say something good about you at one point of time and then something bad about you at another point of time..

Is it silly?

2009-09-27T23:38:00.003+08:00

Is it silly to make somebody a birthday present when you are not sure whether that person will appreciate it or treasure it? I asked my friend. Then she told me that we not only feel happy from taking, we also feel happy from giving.. I smiled when I heard that.. I am not silly at all..

Is it fate?

2009-09-14T00:27:00.002+08:00

Has my call finally been heard after so long? it has happened so sudden and fast..

Is it a dream? It seems too nice to be true.. How long will this dream last? I hope it will last as long as possible..

"My" van

2009-08-30T23:25:00.003+08:00

haha.. not exactly is mine.. it's my company's but bought for me to use.. sounds like a good deal right.. have vehicle to drive to work.. to meet clients.. to site.. and to any place after work..

but having a company vehicle means anytime the clients want to meet me, I will have to go.. no excuse that it is not convenient.. and anytime the installers miss out anything or need anything.. I will need to bring to them.. during busy period i will need to travel to 3 to 4 places in a day.. driving can be so tiring.. especially drive van cannot drive too fast.. on the expressway can be so boring.. and i have to make myself awake during driving.. which can be so difficult when I am so tired.. I also cannot give excuse that I cannot stay late in office becos of no transport.. so I usually stay late in office now..

driving company also means no more transport allowance.. lower salary now.. hai~ becos petrol, season parking, parking coupons, cashcard are paid.. no bad.. but I just can't stand to have less money in my bank :(

driving a van comes responsibilities like driving colleagues out from office.. taking care of the van.. and also have to settle troublesome matters like car repairs and servicing..

I was so unlucky last Wed that I met with a car accident.. nothing serious.. nobody hurt.. only my van and other party's car are hurt with minor injuries.. It happens on PIE.. there was heavy traffic and cars are moving slowly.. to get hit is so unexpected as I only moving forward slowly.. then suddenly I heard crashing sound.. I was so shocked and when I turned around.. I saw a car driven past me on my right very quickly to the front.. I stopped my car in the lane and was confused whether is that fast car which hit me or the car right behind me now.. I was thinking whether to chase that car or just stop there.. I drove forward slightly then saw a car stopped in front at the shoulder.. then I knew that was the car which hit me.. lucky they never hit and run away.. I was so worried lor.. when i see the damage on my van then I realised what happened.. the car was changing lane so closely that it hit the right back corner of my van..

the troublesome part of the accident is the report at the Idac the next day and then have to go to the repair workshop to repair the damage which took 2 days.. without the van, I have to take taxi and claim the money.. as the backlight has to be imported in.. I will have to wait about 2 months before the light can be repaired..

so is it good to have a vehicle? it has its good and bad.. after the accident, I just have some bad feeling about driving now.. will feel scared that I will meet with accident again.. maybe I will get over it soon bah..

Good Girls Go Bad

2009-08-16T23:49:00.004+08:00

I love this song when I first heard it on radio.. it is so hot on air now..

it so fits what I am experiencing now.. haha..

Wish U Happy 44th National Day

2009-08-10T23:40:00.000+08:00

Usually people don't send this kind of msgs to others as to many, it is just a public holiday.. it is not a very important day to most people.. nothing in particular to be happy about.. but I did receive this msg.. and I was happy to receive it.. becos it is from somebody that I least expected.. it is from an Indian worker who works for me.. he has made an effort to wish me..

thinking about it.. maybe in India.. national day is a very big and important day for everyone that worth celebrating and be happy about.. but here in Singapore.. patriotism is fading in some way.. not many people hang flags outside their flats.. not many people will tune in to watch the national day parade.. these are what I see from my friends.. it is not as interesting as going out with friends and watch movies.. which is so sad.. I will always make it point to watch the parade.. I have been balloting for tickets to watch it live but so suay.. never get the chance.. so if anyone has any extra tix in the next year, please give to me yah.. haha..

this year parade is really good.. more humour, less formal, more relaxed and interesting.. I don't get bored.. and my eyes were glued to the tv throughout the parade.. this year's parade is really successful.. no more cliche.. more Singapore.. and I like it!

Rag and Flag..

2009-08-10T23:04:00.000+08:00

I never see so many alumni people attend rag day before until that day.. is it working will make you miss school life? for sci club people, rag day can really bring back memories.. It gives you a sense of belonging when you cheer with everyone else from sci fac and watch the float and presentation with pride..

The winning formula is not there yet.. I didn't help much this year except just made a small donation for flag and help to mache a bit but the raggers and flaggers did make as much effort as before.. but history can't repeat itself.. why? maybe the lessons are not learnt yet.. I was impressed by USP and Medicine floats..

USP and Medicine don't do rag just for winning.. their main reason for doing rag to bond their freshmen or people of similar mindset and interests.. They are just a small cohort compared to other faculties but they are able to gather as much resources as possible and gather all the manpower they have to put up a good show.. they have made it a fun experience for everyone and not a stressed one..

They are the so called brainy people in NUS.. but they have shown people that they don't only excel in academic, they can build things too.. they are willing to make their hands dirty and sweat through their shirts too..

Maybe we too into winning.. that has been the tradition.. and too into winning the biggest prize.. so izzit either we get the biggest or we get none? I just don't understand why can't work from the bottom.. at least there is some consolation for everyone's effort.. no, no, no.. science doesn't win most environmental or least cost.. that not what we want.. but why other faculties like SDE and medicine can win these kind of awards and still get best float and best rag?

I think mentality has to change.. Please observe more of what others have presented and pay more attention to things that have been neglected.. like flag.. these few years, biz has been slacking in their rag.. they knew that they do not have to have impressive float anymore to win.. they just have to concentrate on flag to win the chancellor's shield.. Is it because we don't have impressive alumni like Biz? I don't believe that.. I think sci flag is just been neglected.. and there are more things to be done.. learn from the halls.. I have a friend from kent ridge hall who did flag before.. they really work their brains every day to find money.. they don't wait for FOP period to come to start work..

It's not late to realize that flag is as important as rag.. I noticed more people are talking about flag now.. the next comm can still work out new strategies and win next year.. it is really time to change..

2009 National Day Theme Song is cool!

2009-07-15T21:25:00.002+08:00

If you haven't being watching the tv, watch this..

the National Day theme song has gone into the trend of not easy to sing and hard to remember these years.. the only song I can remember is Home by Kit Chan.. the rest are so hard to recall.. maybe only the tanya chua and Stefanie's..

I find this year song cool becos it's by Electrico! Yeah.. Singapore band rockz!

Less than 2 days to my holiday!!

2009-07-14T22:08:00.002+08:00

this is the first time I took leave for holiday trip.. haha.. yeah!! finally can have a break.. I really need this break to freshen up and also recharge for my busy work.. really really busy now.. working non stop and almost every day OT.. work is endless..

don't care.. I just need a break.. going to Guangzhou on Thurs early flight.. yes.. it's crazily early.. flight at 625 and so need to read airport by 425!! haha.. first time take so early flight.. good experience yah.. haha..

Why guangzhou? becos my friend's parents live there.. so there is free accomodation and maybe free food.. haha.. so nice of my friend to invite us :)

I going to shop, shop, shop.. never spend any money on clothings this Singapore sales.. so to save money to shop at guangzhou.. I need to buy shoes!! not sure whether can see things that I want.. but I will just buy something no matter what.. haha..

I will be back on next mon.. back to work on Tue.. I think there will be a lot of work piled up for me.. hai~ sad right..

I am not forgotten yet:)

2009-06-28T15:10:00.004+08:00

I have not made a wrong choice of going to the SCAMP bash this year..

I need a chance to meet up with my old friends and old freshies.. I know I will be quite extra there already.. with so many unfamiliar faces there.. but there are still some familiar faces.. and going with all the lao jiaos make me less of extra.. haha..

It's great to receive hugs from ppl I quite long never meet le.. I am sooo happy and excited to see there.. I really felt the warmth man.. haha.. and we nadir ppl took group photos non-stop yah.. every photo with one additional members we manage to find.. haha..

From 4 ppl to..

The Return of Nadirrrr..

My first and 2nd batch of freshies.. haha..

it has almost been a year since I club already.. haha.. felt so great to be able to club again.. I not too old yet yah.. haha..

and this really brought back the memories of the great time I have in science club...

Come and Leave..

2009-06-22T22:56:00.002+08:00

My first friend and maybe my only true friend in office is going to leave.. he just broke the news to me today.. there were reasons.. I think it's the loss of the company.. he is really hardworking.. and he picks up things fast.. I felt sad.. really.. sad.. after he told me the news.. but I think he deserves a better job and company.. who really appreciates him.. I wish him all the best..

I was touched by what he said.. he said that I am his first friend in the company so he has to let me know the news of him leaving.. that is the little warmth that I felt that is sufficient to keep me strong in the cold.. but this warmth going to disappear and can I find warmth from somebody else? I think I can but I just have to be careful.. and not jump into any fire..

My disappointment has grown as time goes by..

Fakeness..

2009-06-22T22:41:00.002+08:00

Aren't people tired to be fake? I am.. I can't fake and lie well.. but some ppl can.. and do it very well..

you can say I am not a very trusting person.. so I will suspect whether the person is faking or lying.. I tell myself to believe.. but when I just happen to see the truth, it is just so disappointing.. I rather you say "no, i can't..", "i don't feel like going" and I get the clear message.. it is just so simple.. I dislike ppl lie to me.. give me all the redundant so-called reasons.. what for? I rather you be mean in my face rather then I keeping suspecting.. it's so tiring for everyone..

Tried..

2009-06-21T22:08:00.002+08:00

I tried twitter.. set up a account.. following 13 accounts.. have 20 followers and 17 updates.. what do I follow? mostly news.. so latest news updates will appear when I log on.. news from BBC, CNN, channel news asia.. they have flooded my home page.. I also follow some techies to get updates about gadgets.. such as N97.. I haven't have time to read everything.. like I haven't have time to update "what are you doing?".. sometimes I have mental block.. what should I write? I am not interesting at all.. but ppl still follow me.. they just want to increase their followers base.. so they can spam the things that they are marketing.. yes.. twitter is a way to market yourself.. is it effective? for dell.. yes..

I am always curious about things.. twitter is started from the west.. Obama tweets.. the celebrity tweets.. so I must try tooo.. there were so many new phrases that are associated with twitter.. haha.. twitter is really effective in changing the way of communication...

I saw some of friends using Fring to log on to msn using handphone.. so I also went to try it.. Fring allows you to log on to msn, twitter, facebook and many others via 3G, GPRS or WiFi connections.. I trying msn and twitter.. for msn.. only the nickname is shown.. I have a number of friends who don't put their names on their nicknames.. so I have trouble identify them.. I usually identify them by their email add.. for twitter.. the latest updates from the ppl I follow are shown.. and there is a tweet sound when there is a new update.. haha.. quite interesting.. I want to try facebook.. but can't figure out what is facebook userid.. haha.. if anybody knows, please let me know.. I have problem logging on to Fring at home.. something wrong with my wireless.. the connection will easily break off.. so not so useful for me..

I tried friendster, myspace, facebook, twitter.. what's next?

Amused..

2009-06-21T21:56:00.003+08:00

Amused by what kind of bad things ppl can say about me.. I don't know whether this person really told me the "true" things that ppl talk about me.. but I just feel these are so ridiculous.. exaggerated.. as I have a bad memory, the first moment that I heard it.. I was thinking whether I did things.. did I? don't think so leh.. anyway.. I was not upset by this.. I was not.. becos I have told myself that this is not important anymore.. I just do my job well.. but if this bad rumour sabotage my work.. I will definitely be angry.. angry not sad.. If you ppl feel happy disturbing me.. I will just be stronger than what you all think.. thinking about it why should I be scared..

At this moment, it is just so amusing.. and so silly..

SPEED!!!

2009-06-21T21:37:00.002+08:00

haha.. today went to the gym and saw SPEED's MTV.. it's their latest single.. S.P.D... they are coming back with their new album.. yeah!! so happy.. before Avril, they were my idol.. ya.. even though I don't understand Jap.. I just love their songs.. haha.. sound so crazy.. will buy their album when it comes out in Aug.. haha.. buy not download yah.. haha..

It's cold..

2009-06-17T23:15:00.002+08:00

It's cold at work.. not only literally cold but cold in the attitude, cold in the behaviour.. that will be me.. I got nothing much to say..

It's cold at home.. the cold war is still on going.. but who cares? we just can't talk..

Where is the warmth? Maybe only the hot weather out there can keep me warm..

I must be crazy

2009-06-17T23:08:00.002+08:00

I must be crazy..

ignoring and avoiding the care and concern from those who really care about me..
but wishing and waiting for the concern from ppl who will never ever care about me..

I should have open up to those want to care about me and give up on those hopeless..

but I am stubborn.. I will not do that now.. maybe I am destined to be alone at this moment..

Sense of achievement..

2009-06-08T01:32:00.003+08:00

my sense of achievement will come from teaching my mother English.. we just started the first lesson today.. I am giving my mum free tuition once a week.. I have initiated it and even bought the primary school English books to teach her.. hope I can be a good teacher to her.. haha..

I also restarted my own keyboard lesson after stopping so long.. haha.. I teaching myself how to play keyboard.. don't know how much I can learn.. maybe I will give up very soon.. that's me.. no patience..

The power of my blog..

2009-06-08T00:58:00.003+08:00

Didn't know my blog can really upset anyone..

when i started write my blog.. with the title "Really Can't Stand It!".. I have planned to write whatever that is in my mind that I can't stand or can't bear to hold it in my mind any longer.. it is a way to empty my mind.. and this blog will be about myself, what I feel and what I see.. I didn't want to control the way I write and tailor it to be a nice blog.. or reader friendly.. I just wrote what I think.. even though I did exercise some self control.. by not naming the people I talking about.. as I must say I never want anybody to think that i am actually talking about them.. I am just being whiny.. and only me myself will really know what I am talking about.. it is just an one-sided story.. ppl can easily misinterpret what I talking and making things worse..

My blog is up to your interpretations.. and I shall not explain much to you what I am writing even if you ask.. as I can't explain my life to everybody.. maybe I will.. see how important you are to me.. If you are upset by my posts, I must say you are upset by your own interpretation.. it may not be the true meaning of my post.. if you think I am talking about you, just treat it as a coincidence.. or think about it.. are you really behaving totally like what I have described? If it is not 100% then it may not be you.. please don't take my blog personally..

So am i unhappy? maybe I was.. I have high tendency to be unhappy but not now anymore.. becos I was enlightened by 2 people whom I want to thank.. they have been truthful to me.. made me recognize my faults and shortcomings.. and the reality of the working world.. I think pretending that nothing is wrong, and pushing my luck is no use now.. I can't be always thick skin and think everybody can accept my way.. I just have to change.. and now i know what i need to change.. I will try and let's see how things will go..

Colleague or friend?

2009-05-31T22:11:00.002+08:00

I have one colleague who always use this phrase: "We can only be colleagues, and not friends." She told this to everyone.. even to those closer colleagues.. and I sort of agree to it now..

I asked another colleague just now whether we can have friends in office.. and he said that we can have friends but it is just another category of friends.. different from those we have outside.. why and how different? he just say that certain things we can say to outside friends but not to office friends.. yup.. backstabbing can so easily occur in office.. even a slip of the mouth may cause some harm.. so everyone is guarded..

just like in uni.. we have many categories of friends.. lowest level is hi-bye friends whom our conversation only involve "Hi! How are you? Got to go.. Bye! Cya!!" then course friends whom we say more than a hi and bye.. will talk about our own course.. then closer study gang or friends whom we will take many modules together and discuss more than studies and then our close friends whom we will go graduation trip with and even maintain contact now after graduation...

Office friends just end on the level of course friends or the higher level will be study gang but is just those whom we will not talk less of personal things.. and these kind of friends are quite rare.. I know of friends who has even closer friends in workplace like those working in labs or places where most of their colleagues are about the same age as them.. lucky for them.. but not for me..

in my office.. I still prefer the phrase "colleagues" to call most people and not "friends".. like I the way i treat course friends as course mates or classmates.. "friends" is reserved for those one or two whom i see worth..

Beware of the MRT serial toucher..

2009-05-31T14:21:00.002+08:00

I seldom take train to work.. unless my colleague is not free to fetch us.. and I usually will take bus.. and 2 days ago.. I took train to expo.. and that morning, the train is as usual quite packed.. but there are still some loose spaces for standing.. then I was standing somewhere the door.. a guy suddenly squeeze to the space right behind me.. standing quite close to me.. his hand was holding on to his backpack which is slinged on one of his shoulder.. actually I was quite puzzled by his action.. there is so much space on the other side.. why must he squeeze here? I thought he may be getting off the next stop but he didn't..

on the train, it's quite natural that you will swing slightly by the jerking of the train.. okay.. the first time, the back of his hand seems to be touching my butt.. I was wearing jeans.. I thought it was accidental.. so never think much about it.. then there is a 2nd time and then a 3rd time.. okay.. I am slow yah.. I finally realise it is not accidental so shift my position further from him.. and he immediately change his target by turning around to face the other side.. my friends told me that I should have shouted at him and stared at him.. and not be a silent victim.. haha.. I think I dare to do this lah.. I just can quietly suffer lor..

I continue observing him from the reflection of the train window.. and I think he also touched another women who turn back to look at his hand.. the man pretended nothing happen and just an ordinary passenger.. he continued to look around to look for his next target.. I wanted to take a photo of him but can't seem to have the chance to take it secretly.. haha.. anyway he is about mid 20s and is wearing his company blue polo tee (j*** engineering) and blue jeans.. I think that is his typical working attire so can easily identify if you ever see him..

after a few stops, he walked to the next compartment of the train where I think he saw his next target..

it is not the first time I saw a bo liao pervert.. last year.. there was another guy who wanted to take photo up my skirt on a escalator.. but his handphone happened to touh my leg so I spotted him and he immediately run up the escalator and escaped.. therefore I have been very careful now if I wear a short skirt..

Where is my old self?

2009-05-31T13:56:00.005+08:00

Where is that only child, independent, loner attitude?

I used to be a loner.. i wanted to be a loner and I distaste those people who always follow decision that is made by their friends.. they need to follow their friends wherever they go.. even the schools they go.. to be always together.. I used to be so until early uni.. but I have changed.. changed under circumstances.. under the influence of my environment and the people i know.. now i don't like to go back to loner anymore.. and I become more dependent on my friends.. to be honest, I can't live life without friends anymore.. I am not happy doing things alone.. so sad..

last time i also have many friends.. but they are just friends.. my priorities are my parents and studies.. I can just find things to do even without friends.. so I became a loner.. I could have very close friends but I set up an invisible wall to block them away from my inner self.. I dislike people to get too close to me so follow me wherever I go.. it's like no freedom and so they went to be close friends with other people and they are even closer now.. and me.. ended up with no close friends at all..

I can say i have 1 or 2 close friends now.. but they are never the ones whom I will share things with every moment.. we only meet up once in a while to update each other on the happenings.. I seem so sociable.. so many friends but I am just so empty inside.. I tried to open my heart to people whom I thought can be my close friends but they are just not interested.. I am just bad in judging people.. am I too reserved and too choosy in choosing friends? I think I am..

I sort of give up now.. I will treasure what I have now.. and I should be going back to my old self.. just be happy with doing things alone.. one person can also enjoy and of course spending time with people who are sincerely true friends will be even better.. just one or two will be sufficient..

I am an unhappy person..

2009-05-31T13:42:00.004+08:00

I think I am the person with the problem.. I think too much into things and people.. I should just take things easy and not be too serious in handling everything.. I think i need to learn.. becos i have think too much.. with all the negative thinkings i have become more unhappy.. I like to guess what others are doing.. assuming what they are thinking and why they behaving in certain ways.. I have my own opinions but that does not mean is truely happening in the minds of others.. I have over think things..

I hate myself for that.. all the unhappiness is rooted from myself.. others are just being themselves.. I can't force them to do whatever that I feel confortable.. if they don't feel like talking to me, i can't force them to do so.. everybody has their own ways of living their life.. and I can't make everyone my friends if they just don't want to be.. and I should not have accomodate myself to fit into their circle if it is not suitable for me at all.. there is give and take.. if I want to gain the friendship and trust of a group of people, I will certainly face the loss of another group of friends.. everyone has their own standard of judging people.. and I can't be a person that can fit every standards.. I just have to accept that fact..

I just have to.. to be a happy person..

Yeah! I have passed!!

2009-05-03T23:54:00.002+08:00

I have passed my driving test last tues.. haha.. finally.. after spending $2000 plus on driving.. didn't calculate the amount until someone asked me about it.. I didn't know I will spend so much.. and is capable of spending so much.. haha.. hope that I am not so poor after this.. anyway.. the driving test is not easy yah.. before that it was raining so heavily then it finally stopped just before my test.. then the tester came late.. I was the last to start my test.. and I have 16 demerit points.. 8 for turning when the green arrow is blinking.. I didn't even notice that.. haha.. then the rest are for driving to slowly or fail to check for safety.. anyway.. like what my friend says demerit points doesn't matter.. becos I have passed.. I haven't tried driving after passing.. hope to do it soon.. if not I will definitely forget everything.. and I already have my triangle plates standby.. haha.. and I got them for free.. shhh.. hee...

I also passed my probation period.. finally 6 months are over.. and I get my pay rise!!! yeah!! this also means I have to work harder yah.. no more honeymoon.. work has started to pile up.. and I just have to love them.. haha..

Am I an easy target?

2009-04-21T22:58:00.002+08:00

If you enjoy being fierce to me, I don’t enjoy it at all..

If you feel nothing about embarrassing me in front of ppl, I did feel something..

If you think I look so toot that I am an easy target for bully, you are wrong..

If you think I am in bad mood, am I? I just trying to be emotionless and lie low.. and being busy has given me the excuse to do that.. I think I never even show my true bad mood yet..

If you think I am just thinking too much, that means you are thinking too little.. have you ever think about what you have done? Maybe it is not your business at all.. why did I come near in the first place?

If you are feeling jealous, I can’t stop it.. as I am just being myself.. I am doing what I think is right and I have my ways.. and it’s just my fate and luck that I am what I am now..

If you did it on purpose to provoke me, to teach me a lesson, I think you succeeded.. I really did learn something.. I should not have become your "no choice".. I thought I am something, but seems like I am nothing to you.. I am thankful for all you have done for me, truely thankful.. you may not appreciate what I done at all.. and may not remember.. it is still my own choice.. nobody force me..

I am also sorry if my problems become your problems.. I just didn't know I am such a pain in the ass..

If you didn't keep my secrets at all, I don't blame you becos it is my own fault to disclose them to you.. but don't worry, I don't believe in taking revenge although my mind is telling me to do that.. I will not tell others what I know about you..

I should have listen to my parents and friends earlier.. I should have.. it’s too late now and I was too stubborn.. I believed that there were still some chances.. there should be.. but seems like I am wrong.. and seems like I just like to appear and do the wrong things at the wrong time.. maybe I am really toot..

I just so not used to the true cold and complicated human world.. maybe.. others feel the same way about me too.. not maybe.. high chance it will..

To all my friends out there, I really miss you..

Busy and tired but happy :)

2009-04-13T00:35:00.004+08:00

yah.. my work has started to get more busy.. can't slack anymore yah.. more challenging and more exciting.. haha.. there are really so much things to learn now.. I just need to absorb as much as possible and do my things properly.. problems will most likely to have.. unavoidable.. so it will depend on how I handle them.. can't give up yah..

just had my birthday last sun.. not much of celebration.. my parents not in town.. went to malaysia for qing ming.. I never join them becos travel to and fro too tiring.. so stay in Singapore and went out with my friend.. this friend has been so nice yah.. willing to come out with me.. even though very busy and tired.. and gave me a movie treat.. haha.. thankz man.. you are a great friend!

anyway.. my parents not with me on my birthday but we had a dinner together on the thurs for a early birthday celebration.. haha.. with my vouchers, we ate at cafe swiss at swissotel.. to be honest, if we don't have the $120 vouchers, we will not be eating there.. I have tried my best to choose one of the lowest priced restaurant there.. but in the end I still need to top up $60.. haha.. so ex right.. there's fine dining mah with good services.. which all of us are not used to yah.. but at least the meal is filling.. delicious? okay lah.. except that my mum says the lamb is a bit tasteless without the sauce.. haha.. and my steak is a bit burnt.. the appetiser goose liver with apple not bad.. we first time ate goose liver leh.. so sua gu.. haha.. we called the set meal.. so everyone can order 2 dishes.. each of us ordered a main course: salmon fillet, steak and lamb.. in addition a appetiser, a minestrone soup and a chocolate cake dessert which we shared.. they also give free flow of breads.. I don't think we will go there again unless we have vouchers becos it is really too ex for the whole family.. but I heard citibank credit card has 50 % discount but don't know it is valid till when..

the happy family at dinner..

goose liver with apple..

My mum's salmon fillet..

my beef steak..

Lamb meat and my dad's big tummy.. haha..

Chocolate cake with vanilla ice cream and apricot

I want to thank all those who have wished me happy birthday thru sms, msn or facebook.. you are the ones who make me not feeling alone in this world.. and thankz for the presents.. no matter what they are, I will treasure them :)

Get the taste of HIV..

2009-03-25T23:11:00.005+08:00

Saw this video on MTV Asia while exercising.. this commercial is really interesting.. passing your chewing gum is just like passing HIV virus.. Do the young ppl now have the habit of chewing gum that others have chew before? I saw the same kind of scene in Nick and Norah's infinite playlist.. Is that the current culture?

it is just an ordinary gum but you never know the danger that it brings. you never know who or how many ppl have chew it before.. just like you never know who your sexual partner has sex before.. HIV may unknowingly be passed to you.. and you tasted it..

Trying to forget..

2009-03-15T22:50:00.002+08:00

I have been searching hard for the causes of the situation that have been quite disturbing to me.. I feel frustrated by the unfairness.. what did I do to cause the bad impression? I have been too loud.. asked too much and talked too much.. but am I really asking too much and talking too much? I don't really think so.. I am just doing what I think is right.. am I too naive to think that I can act differently from the norm? I know this is unacceptable by the general group but I just want to change ppl's idea.. but seems like I am the one who pull all the eyes and trouble on myself.. I have to be careful.. now I understand why certain ppl will behave in a certain way.. I just have to learn to be like them.. but this is so not me..

Never make a wrong choice..

2009-03-15T22:01:00.003+08:00

watched Suspect X.. It is a good movie! The twist at the end really caught me unexpected..

How did the murderers get such a perfect alibi and evidence? they were at the murder scene.. how can they appear at the cinema? there were many questions but the ending has explained everything.. Is the mathematician such a genius? he really is.. but I still don't agree the extent he goes to help the murderers.. innocent ppl should not be sacrificed to be "the gear of the clockwork".. no matter how unimportant he is to the society.. but the physicist is a genius too.. to solve something that even the police can't solve.. logic was used to cover up the crime and it was also used to solve the crime.. but it is interesting.. who will know scientists are also good in committing and solving crime.. haha..
I also watched The Reader.. it is a really sad movie.. War movie again.. haha.. nevermind the nudity and affair in the beginning.. the main drama of the story came at the 2nd half.. the war crime trial for the unforgivable and unavoidable sin that is committed during the war by sending jews to death to make space for the newcomers in the concentration camp.. the shame of being illiterate that caused Hanna to go to great extent to keep this secret.. the strong desire to learn reading and writing by listening to the stories read by the reader.. and lastly the suicide to end everthing.. this story is very sad and touching.. the love was so strong that it turned to hatred.. and this hatred in the end was resolved by the love that still remained..

I felt different this time..

2009-03-15T21:57:00.003+08:00

This is a different experience from others.. I really enjoy this interaction.. and I am starting to miss it.. Will there be a chance again? I'm not sure but I am positive.. I will be lucky :)

Many many movies..

2009-03-08T01:00:00.003+08:00

Last month I have watched so many movies..

Firstly is red cliff part 2.. it is again a showcase of how clever Zhuge Liang and Zhou Yu are.. and how courageous the rest of the generals are and how dumb Cao Cao has become for starting and also delay the attack for a woman he is smitten with.. I still hate war with so many innocent soldiers and citizens being killed just becos of the "big plans" the generals have.. is it really worth it? exchanging lives for land and power..

second is Valkyrie.. the plot is so forgettable.. and has no impact at all.. what I can remembered is that tom cruise's character, Colonel Claus von Stauffenberg, was involved in a anti-Hitler plan with some German army officers.. he was the key plotter and the executor of the plan to assassinate Hitler.. and he wants to use Operation Valkyrie to take control of Berlin but the plan is so badly planned with so many loopholes and so many incooperative and untrustable officers are invloved.. the support is not there.. and how can it be successful.. Hitler was not dead and they are executed in the end..

third is Slumdog Millionaire.. it is a touching story which many people who have watched it will agree.. it is about an india boy who is so lucky in the sense that he won the Indian's version of "Who wants to be a Millionaire?".. how he manage to answer all the qns.. is he so intelligent and well read? not really.. he just happened to have a good memory.. who can remember clearly what he experienced in his life.. and all the qns seem to fit in to his life.. how he jumped into the shit hole to see his idol and get his signature.. how his mother was killed by the anti-muslim indians.. how he got adopted and nearly blinded by the gangsters.. how he lived a unstable life with his bad brother.. no matter how bad and money minded the brother is, he still love and care for his younger brother.. and how he always searching for his love and won't give up when he is faced with so many obstacles.. will a slumdog always be a slumdog? Can't a slumdog be a millionaire? Can't a slumdog have dream and find love? Does a slumdog have to stay bullied by the gangsters forever? This story has brought hope to all the people living in slums.. why will they be so interesed in watching "Who wants to be a Millionaire?" becos they can have dream.. dream to win big bucks to leave the slum.. like the person who won the contest.. it can be done.. and the dream of the producers and crews of this movie has come true.. this movie is well-received and has won many Oscar Awards..

Fourth is The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. People always regret about things that have passed and done and hope that time can turn back and things can reverse and happen differently but will it give a better result? may not be so.. this movie is about seeing life going reverse in a different perspective.. but no matter which direction life goes.. the natural processes are still unavoidable.. Benjamin may in the appearance be opposite to the ppl his age.. his thinking and behaviour are still naturally the same as ppl his age.. some things are just unavoidable.. its a cycle.. no matter how you reverse.. you will still meet the point in the cycle.. although the movie is very long, I am not really bored at all as the movie is quite well paced and I will be curious to know what will happen next in benjamin's life till his death as a baby.. the make up and special effects used to make Brad Pitt and Cate Blanchett look young and old are really impressive..
Fifth is Departures.. Oscar's best foreign language film.. it is a simple story but is interesting enough to keep you awake in the wee hours.. I cried a lot while watching this movie becos it involved too many deaths and it is so sad to see the grieving family members of the dead.. every cases were so touching.. you will be touched by the determination of the protagonist to carry on to be the encoffinment professional even though he is faced with the objection of his wife and people around him.. becos death is a big taboo.. a person who has to touch so many dead people is usually not so well liked by others.. but this movie has showed how meaningful this job actually is.. these professionals make sure that your love ones leave this world with a pretty and peaceful appearance which stay true to who they are.. no matter how you may hate a person, when he is gone, the hatred will also be gone and you will only be faced with the regret that how things can have turned out before the life ends.. it's always so..

I'm okay..

2009-03-08T00:16:00.003+08:00

have been quite emo last month.. becos of some frustrating things.. but I think these have happened due to my over-thinking-things problem.. I like to think too much.. anyway.. if you have read my previous post.. it is not really serious now.. I am still friend with the person.. and even quite close now in a way..

to those of you who have been quite concerned about me.. just want to let you know.. I am okay le.. don't worry.. I am not backstabbed or what.. i just feeling frustrated about how I was treated sometimes.. after throwing everything into my blog, I have felt so much better le..

actually, there is another person that I have problem with.. it has been quite some time.. I thought things have got better.. but not really.. I just don't really understand why the person can't treat me nicely.. I have tried my best to increase the interaction.. but that person still resist it strongly and even complain to others about me.. whether is jealousy or what.. or just dislike my face or personality.. I don't know.. I don't know when did I started the dislike or how.. I just don't understand.. am I really so irritating? maybe I should just stop talking to the person.. maybe that person will take the initiative to talk to me.. I just feel sad that ppl treat me like that with no serious reason..

maybe I should stay less sociable then I will not meet so many interpersonal problems.. last month is so happening and messy.. but everything has sort of quieten down.. maybe I am so obvious in turning ppl off.. yah.. if I am not interested, I will show it in a polite and obvious way.. haha.. and I think the hint should be quite effective as the results have shown.. maybe I should have played along since I am so free.. but that's not me.. don't like then don't like.. can't fake..

anyway.. I am also not so free now.. after seeing myself putting on a few kg and hearing ppl saying I am fat liao.. I have decided to exercise more! I have joined a gym and I hope the personal trainer can help me to look and feel better.. haha.. but I think it will be tough.. becos I am aching all over now.. I need to persever and committed so that the money that I put in will not go into the drain..

other than being occupied with exercising and driving.. yup my test is on 28th Apr.. but I can't manage to book enough lessons yet for my revision.. feel so gan cheong now.. haha.. I have become more busy with my work.. with a new project coming up.. I can't slack liao.. but I still looks so slack.. haha..

Still so silly and dumb..

2009-02-11T00:08:00.004+08:00

I should be preparing to sleep now.. becos I am so tired.. but there is something bothering me now that if I don't blog about it now.. I will have forced myself to forget it when I woke up.. and I think I will not be able to bring myself to tell the person face-to-face..

I wanted to tell this 'friend' what is in my mind now.. it is 'friend' becos I really don't know whether this person is really my friend.. I know I am a sensitive person.. I maybe over-sensitive.. but I just feel that I am like being used.. I don't know whether you have wanted to get near to me or being nice to me just becos you have a motive which is get more info..

When I feel that a person is worth being my true friend, I will put in near 100% of efforts to maintain the friendship and treat the person with near 100% of sincerity.. becos I really cherish true friendships.. maybe I am an only child so I really put friends in the higher priority after my parents.. I can't survive without friends.. although I put in so much efforts, I will never ever expect the other person to reciprocate with the same effort.. I have experienced before.. you view ppl as friends, they may not view you this way.. everybody has their own set of opinions.. maybe I am just not good enough for them.. or the timing is just not right.. they already have their own true friends.. why will they need me? but I always been so silly and dumb to just put in my best efforts to help and treat them well.. even though I know I may not get anything in return and I don't really want anything.. I just want the true friendship..

I thought this 'friend' can be my true friend.. I really thought so.. becos I really feel the care and concern from you.. and I always being so naive to only think that way.. and never want to think so much.. but this has changed now.. after experiencing "when I need you I will look for you, when I no need you I don't want to care or talk to you", I start to have 2nd thought.. I really feel that you are treating me this way.. I start to think whether you treat me nice to be in my good book.. becos I get along well with other people? I can get more info easily and feed you with these info? I just naturally know a lot of things when ppl talk around me.. I don't really go and find out or kaypoh.. and I don't really go around to tell ppl things that I heard.. unless that it is harmless or I really trust the person whom I tell the things to.. so I really put in my trust to tell you.. I have trusted you..

I tried to tell you about my personal stuff you seems not interested at all.. you only interested in the info that I provide you.. then I start to feel you actually don't really care about me at all.. you maybe just feel lonely sometimes and need somebody to accompany you and provide you with interesting stories that what I feel.. and you think that you have to be nice to me to exchange for the info.. I actually don't mind telling you things.. but to think that I just mean nothing much to you compared to the info.. I feel so silly and dumb again.. why must I commit the same mistakes again? why am I being so trusting? I just know that if I don't give, I will definitely get none in return.. so I must try to give no matter what..

I just feel that I getting my "retribution" for not cherishing the friendships I have when I am younger so end up I have put in more efforts to build up good karma to really get true friends.. and this will take time..

I still hope that I am being oversensitive and over thinking things.. and I have misunderstood your behaviour.. maybe I just don't understand you at all.. I don't really know you, to be honest..

Movies time..

2009-01-25T22:41:00.003+08:00

I have actually watched Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist last month.. another late update.. haha.. too busy lah..

this movie has the same style as Juno.. same lead actor.. haha.. same kind of indie movie about teenagers.. and its soundtrack plays a great part in flow of the movie.. becos this movie is about music.. Nick and Norah's favourite songs and indie bands.. this is also the part that I like about this movie.. I am a fan of indie music and rock bands!

anyway.. not to get carried away.. haha.. the actors and actresses are natural in the acting that you find it fake at all.. it touched on the issue of gays.. whom I always believe that we should not view them differently.. what's wrong with being gay? It also talks about college relationships and the boyfriend or girlfriend for benefits.. sometimes you feel so lonely that when someone treated you well and be there for you, even if it is for benefits, you will don't really care about it and accept this kind of relationship.. till you met someone that truely likes you as you are and not what riches you have then you will find out how silly you are in holding on to a relationship that is so empty..

I also watched another movie called 12 lotus.. everyone should know this local production by Royston Tan.. when it was released, all my friends say it is not nice at all.. boring compared to the same time released Money Not Enough 2.. I haven't watched Money Not Enough yet.. but I have my own take on 12 lotus..

This movie is similar to 881.. becos it also talks about the live on getai.. but this time, instead of talking the life a pair of sisters, 12 lotus is about a getai singer who has a hard and bitter life.. 12 phases of her bitter life was presented.. and it also ended sadly.. it is a sad story which is punctuated with some happy singing.. due to her silliness and mental illness, funny things happened.. guanyin needs to cut hair?? haha.. the boring parts maybe are the singing of hokkien songs.. so drama like in 881.. but I think that is royston's style bah..

anyway.. this movie is also about love for benefits.. which is not true love.. all the men in Lian Hua's life always have motives to get near her.. for her body, for her money.. except for astroboy.. who really cared for her but will inevitably have to leave her after he has grown up.. in the end.. she was killed becos of the love that she has held on..

The kid actor and actress are the most outstanding.. they sang hokkien songs so well and acted so naturally.. even better than some of the adult actors.. haha..

I finally started project!

2009-01-25T21:44:00.002+08:00

After becoming an "IT and excel expert", I am finally given a project to do.. a condo signage project.. I am assisting a manager.. but the manager is very busy with the many projects he is handling.. so in reality, I am more than assisting.. I have to make sure that things get going.. and I finally know that it is not easy with the limited technical and project managing knowledge I have.. I have a lot to learn..

There were moments of blurness.. helplessness.. embarrassment.. frustration.. which I have to face and handle.. I don't like these feelings and I hope to conquer them in the future.. and I know a new word which is "accountability".. in work, you are accountable for everything you do so you can't do whatever you like.. and "face" is very important to get things done.. therefore, I always believe in having a good rapport with colleagues..

I finally got drunk!

2009-01-25T18:01:00.004+08:00

haha.. having wish for that for quite some time.. I finally experienced drunk.. haha.. you must be thinking I am crazy right.. but being very curious about things.. and everything wants to at least try once.. I want to try to experience being drunk.. and I did it!

My drunk experience is actually a memory lost experience becos I can't remember anything that had happened.. From the moment I am drunk to the moment that I reached home.. I can't remember what exactly happened.. no recollection.. only the next day I reached office when my colleagues told me what happened then I know.. haha.. scary right.. and so dangerous right..

that day was my company dnd.. I am not drunk at the dnd.. only drink beer until high yah.. haha.. I think I drank about 6 mugs of beer.. becos my colleagues knew I can drink well and make me drink with them lah.. actually that day, I did tell them that I wanted to be drunk.. haha.. then after the dnd, I went to ktv with a number of them.. and they ordered some liquors.. and I drank a few glasses.. I was waiting for my song to come and it was coming up next! but I blanked out.. I remembered I vomited and then some recollection of me in the car and speaking to my father on the phone.. haha.. that's all..

I actually vomited 4 times and dirtied my clothes.. my colleagues have helped to clean me and also apply ointment on my head but I don't even know this.. haha.. I think I am in the sleep state already.. I also vomited on my colleague's hand lor.. so dirty.. feel so bad lor.. how I walk to the car and back home.. I also can't really remembered.. but back home I am already conscious and could shower and blew dry my hair before sleeping at 5am.. haha.. so early right and imagine.. I still woke up at 6 plus to go work.. haha.. amazing right..

my father was very worried about me becos he called me from 1 plus am to 3 plus!! and I didn't pick up his call until I am in the car as I was already unconscious.. haha.. the first thing he asked is whether I am drank.. and I quickly say no lah.. haha.. I don't know whether he suspected anything when I reached home.. I remembered he was nagging non stop when I am back.. what is he nagging I can't remember.. haha.. the next day, my mum also asked me whether I was drunk.. haha.. and of course I say no.. hee.. bad to lie yah..

The hangover is so bad lah.. head feels like in outerspace.. so "spacy" haha.. headache and nausea feeling.. tummy ache.. but I still have to concentrate on working.. go to site that day.. I just like to push myself.. haha.. I knew I got work to complete that day.. I can't just anyhow take leave mah.. I just got to concentrate..

what did I learnt from this experience? is to not get drunk again.. I finally know my limit and I not going to drink so much anymore.. but I will still drink.. hee..

and I want to thank my colleagues who have taken care of me and cleaning me up the whole night and sent me safely home.. haha.. surprisingly I don't smell the vomit at all when I reached home.. and they are so nice that they never took any photos or videos of me in my drunken state yah.. haha.. Thank you!

The hype about twilight..

2009-01-25T15:41:00.003+08:00

Even if the movie is no longer showing in the cinema.. everyone is still talking about twilight.. its book, its soundtrack, its characters..

I never watch this movie becos my friend has told me it is not worth watching.. not nice.. but there are some who love the romantic story and the characters so much that they will go and buy the books, soundtrack and wait for the dvd to come out to watch again.. okie.. is it soooo good?? haha.. I thought to myself.. so tempted to watch the movie and read the books also.. haha.. wait for my friend to lend me the dvd yah..

anyway.. long before the movie came out.. I already heard of stephenie meyer and her books becos she got some book prize for her novel.. I remembered her becos her name is close to mine mah.. haha.. and that time her novels have become bestsellers.. and now becos of the movie, twilight has gone out of stock.. serious or not?? I went to popular and her book is out of stock.. wah!!

I am not thinking of buying the book anyway.. not a fan.. haha.. but her books have become the next harry potter... on train you can see ppl reading the books.. so interesting meh.. haha..

anyway.. I love twilight's soundtrack.. especially the song "Flightless Bird, American Mouth" by Iron & Wine.. never watch the movie but listen to its songs.. haha..

Nice Quote :)

2009-01-25T15:04:00.006+08:00

Was happened to listen to perfect ten and heard this nice William Arthur Ward quote:

“A true friend knows your weaknesses but shows you your strengths; feels your fears but fortifies your faith; sees your anxieties but frees your spirit; recognizes your disabilities but emphasizes your possibilities.”

I really hope to have more of this kind of true friends.. it is hard to get but I will cherish what I have and hope the friendships I have will move to the level of "true friend" one day..

anyway.. I feel "loved" in office now.. becos there are ppl who really care and concern about me.. I really like to think so.. and not suspect anything.. and I will like to maintain it this way..

Why do I like to drink?

2008-12-29T00:21:00.002+08:00

You should know that I am talking about alcohol right.. haha..

I like to drink as a social drinker.. I can't say I love to drink becos sometimes when I reach a limit, I will not want to drink.. why I like to drink? I feel that I am a bit addicted to drinking.. addicted to the feeling that I get from drinking.. usually when I drink, I need more than 2 glasses to get that feeling.. the high feeling.. the feeling of my mind starting to float around.. and my head feels light.. I like the feeling when my head feels light.. becos I always feel that my head is heavy.. heavy with a lot of thoughts and a lot of worries.. which is so depressing to me.. I very easily feel depress and I think alcohol can drown my depression at that moment.. becos when I am high, all these burdens seems to get blur and lighter.. and I can sort of relax myself.. feeling not so constraint..

I do have a bit of hangover.. that's the part which is not so nice about drinking.. but nothing serious for me.. I am never drunk until drop dead before.. never vomit before.. I know how to limit myself by drinking slowly and I always keep myself concious to know how much I have drank and seems like I can drink quite a lot compared to my friends.. I actually will like to find out my limit.. to be drunk once but after looking at how some of the gals are so unglam when they are drunk.. I decided not to be drunk at all.. however I think if I have a drunk experience.. experience all the bad things.. then I may cut down on drinking.. maybe being drunk will make me hate drinking.. haha..

I never done any silly things before when I am high on alcohol.. becos I am so concious about what I doing.. but it will only give me the energy to dance as much as I can if I am in a club becos if I am not high, I feel sian about dancing.. haha.. so I seldom likes to go clubbing..

After drinking quite a lot last week for the Christmas celebration, I can still feel the alcohol in my liver.. haha.. really.. not lying.. I think if I do drink on New Year Eve.. it will only be sip by sip.. that's what I have done during the dinner with boss.. haha.. unless the alcohol has been completely broken down in my liver by then.. I don't think I will enjoy drinking..

Mojito is my favourite!

2008-12-29T00:10:00.003+08:00

Quoted from Wikipedia:

"... traditionally made of five ingredients: white rum, sugar (traditionally sugar cane juice), lime, carbonated water, and mint. Its combination of sweetness, refreshing citrus and mint flavors are intended to mask the potent kick of the rum, and have made this clear highball a popular summer drink.

When preparing a mojito, lime juice is added to sugar (or syrup) and mint leaves. The mixture is then gently mashed with a muddler. The mint leaves should only be bruised to release the essential oils and must not be shredded. Then rum is added and the mixture is briefly stirred to dissolve the sugar and to lift the mint sprigs up from the bottom for better presentation. Finally, the drink is topped with ice cubes and sparkling water, and mint leaves and lime wedges are used to garnish the glass."

It's sweet and minty.. you don't really taste the alcohol at all so I love it!

Do I really look like I am from China??

2008-12-28T23:52:00.002+08:00

haha.. 3 ppl have said that to me.. One is my colleague who says that I look like from China.. First time hear somebody say that of me.. really makes me wonder..

and then I took cab and 2 taxi drivers also say that I don't sound like a local.. more like from China or Hong Kong.. Huh?? Do I have the accent? I don't speak like a local meh.. Maybe to strangers I speak proper Mandarin.. does it mean Singaporeans don't speak good Mandarin? haha.. but I also doesn't sound like from China yah.. so weird.. to ppl I know, I always speak with lah, lor, meh.. haha.. so singlish lor.. really can't believe it..

I don't care it is a compliment or not but I just like to be seen as a local.. I am a Singaporean and like to be a Singaporean.. haha..

4 unique videos..

2008-12-20T22:31:00.004+08:00

Recently, while I was sitting on the bus, something on the TV mobile makes me stop dreaming and watch what is on the screen.. who will think what the video means until the msg that appears at the end.. These videos make me wonder.. does these situation only happens for glue sniffing.. but it does make me aware that glue sniffing is back.. it is not an old fashion practice of inhalant abuse.. it is still around.. maybe it is cheaper and more accessible to young ppl than drugs..

Cindee

Benjamin

Fauzi

Rohaina

I can't fake..

2008-12-14T20:18:00.002+08:00

Working life is so much complicated than school life..

My intention is just so simple.. I don't like to be misunderstood and keep myself controlled.. I will like to open up but seems like it is not acceptable.. I like to trust ppl and be trusted but it is quite impossible.. I can't be naive and must be careful.. but I just can't get used to that.. that's not me..

Seeking death in a bottle..

2008-12-14T17:45:00.002+08:00

This title is well-given.. it appears on the saturday paper.. the issue of euthanasia has been heatedly discussed in the whole world.. and my stand is against..

Euthanasia maybe is a way to die peacefully and with no pain.. a way to release a terminally ill patient from the pain that he suffer from.. this pain is indescribable.. and nobody can understand unless you been through it.. so it can be unbearable that makes the patient wants to die instead of living.. maybe his family will also not feel too painful to see him suffer and also spend too much money to care for his living.. but is this thinking right? It may seem reasonable.. but is it how life should end.. it is like suicide.. but this is suicide assisted by the doctor.. the doctor will give you an injection to put you to sleep forever.. if you feel like dying, why not you do it yourself? there are so many ways to suicide.. you just too scared to end your life in a ugly and painful ways.. maybe if the poison is given by a doctor, you will feel more peaceful and 100% guarantee of dying.. I just feel so.. I am not encouraging suicides.. but I just see the similarities between euthanasia and suicide.. the difference is the doctor is made the killer..

if the doctor is given the right to kill, it will conflict with his responsibility to save ppl.. doctor is also human.. is he always right in deciding when to save ppl and kill him? that is like making him the god.. who's know this right will not be abused.. to save up on the beds, terminally ill patient may be put to death before he is given the treatment and chance to cure.. how to guage correctly that the patient is suffering "unacceptably" and he has no chance to survive the illness and they have a desire to die.. when you are in serious pain at the moment, you will think of the easy way out which is to die so how can this momentary wish to die be trusted.. and will stories of miracles of ppl recovering from terminal illness and from near death still exist if this option is given to the doctor?

what is the meaning of life? if ppl don't go through the different stages of life which involves unhappiness, pain and problems.. we can't give up so easily.. choosing euthansia is just like saying that it is right in taking the easy way out in everything to end pain.. it is just like running away from problem.. not everyone is brave enough to face pain but it is this pain that exists to train you to face it bravely..

Terminally ill patient should give palliative care a chance.. which will help in reliefing pain which includes taking care of the the psychological and spiritual needs of the patient.. maybe the patient will feel more comfortable in the remaining days, spend more time with family members and take death to come naturally.. who knows how much things can be done in the remaining days and how much wishes can be fulfilled..

there is also the advance medical directive which is the living will that instructs doctors not to go to extremes to preserve life when a person can no long be saved. It has to be signed by the person himself and two witnesses, one of whom has to be a doctor. Medicator and palliative care will still be administered but not intensive care, like using a respirator to keep a person from dying.. so no the families will not be put in a difficult position to decide when to pull the plug..

there is no point in making a doctor a mercy killer..

Driving is fun!

2008-12-14T17:37:00.002+08:00

Anything new to me is always fun.. haha..

the instructor is nice to me.. will joke and make the atmosphere not so awkward or nervous for me.. haha.. he says my biting point and braking is good.. got talent to drive manual yah.. haha.. but I always step too hard on the accelerator.. so hard to maintain it at 2000.. and I will get gan cheong.. haha.. nevermind.. will do better in 2nd lesson.. will be taking the basic theory this coming fri.. should be able to pass bah.. haha..

I hope to learn driving as fast as possible.. don't like to drag yah..

How can I be so careless?

2008-12-14T17:32:00.002+08:00

I never so careless.. but I am now.. I lost $100 that does not belong to me at all.. why am I so absent minded.. I just believe myself.. I just lose it within 15 min.. from my jeans pocket.. hai~ I feel so bad.. ppl trusted me by handing me the money but I never safely bring it to where it should be..

I have to be very careful next time..

A pastime I love: Watch movies..

2008-12-14T16:23:00.003+08:00

I actually have watched a number of movies but no time to review on them! some of them have passed so long le.. more than a month..

just last sat I watched Bolt.. the animated movie.. It is really a nice movie that really makes me laugh.. the behaviour of the animals in the movie will make you laugh.. the main character is Bolt who is so called a super dog on tv but in reality he is not.. this is the twist in the movie.. I am so bewildered by the power of the dog.. ran at super speed, shake the earth with his super bark and cut metal and glass with laser eyes.. how is it possible? I thought to myself.. haha.. then all the cameras and lights came.. but the dog itself don't know anything.. he thought he is really a super dog who always been saving his master, penny..

Penny is voiced by Miley Cyrus.. I think she is acting herself.. a very popular child actress..

the ignorant dog thinking that there is really a bad guy.. run away to save penny and then he incidentally was transported to new york city from hollywood.. he thought he had lost his power becos of the peanut styrofoam that he is contained in.. and he first time sees a red liquid from his paw and didn't know it is blood and first time hear the rumbling of his hungry stomach as he has never been hungry before.. I think this is showing the reality of the life our pet animals.. after they are born, they will only know things by the way they are raised and trained.. if they are never injured before, they will not what is blood..

with the help of mittens, the cat and rhino, the hamster, he found his way back to hollywood and the pets see some hope that actually there are some owners who will never abandoned them and forget them.. they see it in the case of bolt and penny.. and bolt is not a fake super dog at all.. he saved his master from the fire..

more than a month ago, I watched burn after reading becos of brad pitt.. haha.. okay lah.. not only becos of him.. I thought it will be a nice movie.. but I think it is not.. okay it is a black comedy but I think the comedy is actually some silly jokes.. the characters are so silly.. brad pitt is a hippy gym instructor doing funny actions.. not like him at all.. haha.. he is the first to die.. in a silly way and make you go "huh?? so fast??"

George clooney's character is so obsessed with sex that he makes a sex machine.. and John Malkovich punctuated his every sentence with uncountable "F" words.. Both are the killers in this movie..

Thinking that they have obtained a cd of top secrets of the CIA, the two employees from the gym tried to it to blackmail the ex-CIA agent and actually it is just some parts of the memoir of the agent.. and the silly episode continues with ppl get killed for nothing and no reasons..

To me, if you bought the dvd, you should just burn it after watching.. what is the point of keeping or watch again.. haha..

I also watched 2 dvds.. one is sky of love and the other connected..

I have always been wanting to watch Sky of Love (Koizora), a jap movie.. becos I have heard from many ppl that it is very touching and many ppl cried.. but to be honest, I never cried while watching this movie.. is the love story touching? maybe but not to the extent I will cry.. you may say I have no feeling like a mantou (cold joke).. but I did feel something.. I feel anger and pity the gal.. becos of the guy, she ended up being raped and become pregnant and then lose her unborn baby.. should all these things happen to a good gal like her? but she is never sad for long as long as she is with her bf.. her love for him is so deep.. the guy's love for her is also as deep.. he hopes for the happiness for her by giving her up but she just can't give him up.. why can't she? I never experience this kind of love before.. so I can't explain.. to me now, it is just silly.. between a nice guy who has loved and helped her a lot and a dying guy where the love is mutual and so deep, she has chosen the latter.. the comforting truth that she is happy with him and even if the time is short..

Connected also has good reviews from my friends.. it is an exciting action movie.. but the story just so so.. all the way just about saving a few ppl.. the women, her kid and her brother.. what so worth about watching is the exciting action.. flying and crashing of cars.. will a stranger go such a extent to save you? I think only in this movie.. he nearly become a wanted criminal becos her.. maybe an ordinary guy just wanted to do some heroic acts to prove that he is not useless at all..

The good of starfruit!

2008-12-14T16:00:00.002+08:00

Starfruit has always been my favourite.. I love everything about it.. From its taste, its health benefits, its unique and colour.. haha..

I found a short description of it in last month's Cleo mag..

"Rockstar SUPERNOVA

Starfruit isn't merely a pretty fruit. Taiwanese researchers report that the insoluble fibre from the pulp of starfruit may carry about 11mg of Vitamin E per gram. Insoluble fibre contains cellulose, hemicellulose and lignin, which cannot be dissolved in water, and consumption of insoluble fibre has been associated with reducing the risk of obesity and diabetes."

yum, yum, yummy!

You are the anchorman!

2008-12-08T23:04:00.003+08:00

what does it means? My dad said that to me yesterday and today..

Becos I have started earning money so I should be able to spend more for my parents.. it is a way to show filial piety.. therefore, when my mother's birthday comes, I should buy present and pay for the dinner and my father will just attend the dinner and pay for nothing.. what he will buy for my mother? a card and who will write the card? me!

yah.. I am not complaining about paying a lot for the birthday.. I should do these.. she is my mother.. I am happy to give my mother a watch that she really wants and she don't mind sharing it with me! haha.. To be honest, I never really give my mother anything precious.. yah.. I don't really care last time as I don't really like to spend my parents' money to buy things for my parents.. but now is different.. I am using my own money to buy something for her which is so much meaningful..

But the behaviour of my dad is not really nice yah.. what does he means by this? they are old husband and wife so gifts are not required anymore.. Will I like to have this kind of husband next time?

but why everything is me now? I know my dad likes to joke.. but sometimes the jokes are not funny at all.. "If I need money, I will let you know okay?" Is that what I have to face when I started working?

Before and After..

2008-12-08T23:03:00.000+08:00

Before there is youtube, there is American's funniest videos!

haha.. just a random thought..

Small updates..

2008-11-27T11:48:00.003+08:00

now.. blogging from office.. shh.. don't tell anyone yah..

anyway.. It has been quite some time since I last blogged.. actually have many many things to update.. but every weekend so busy.. haha.. busy with what? going out? haha.. and weekday I basically busy with watching tv and falling asleep during the show.. so sad lor.. is it how working life should be? after work, can't really can do own stuff and is so tired that you will fall asleep early? I need time to watch tv!!

currently I still haven't start anything really in my jobscope yet.. learning lor.. but now doing something related to designing.. not really creating things from zero.. but just helping the designers.. haha.. doing things with illustrator.. so I need to wait patiently to be assigned real things to do lor..

anyway.. I had a really good week.. knowing more ppl, talking to more ppl, getting closer to more ppl.. which is good lah.. I like that.. and knowing ppl who really care and help you.. which is not bad..

Today, I also started changing my breakfast habit.. has been eating bread and cooked oatmeal for years already.. from pri sch till now.. very long hor.. so should change already.. not now then when?

last weekend I went to my cousin's wedding at JB.. seeing how my cousin had planned everything for the wedding dinner.. effort leh.. not easy at all.. planning the schedule, the line up of program, the script and guest list.. getting married is not easy if you are on a budget.. everything DIY.. but it is once in a lifetime mah.. so should be worth it.. seeing her get married I also want to get married.. wishing for it.. haha.. but what you hope for will not always come easily.. and I understand that.. but when will the time come? nobody knows..

I going for another wedding dinner this sat.. so many ppl getting married this month lor.. haha.. is this really a good month to get married? maybe..

Feeling a bit stress..

2008-11-09T15:15:00.003+08:00

I was given a sat off yesterday.. my boss wanted me to go for off.. take a rest.. I didn't ask for it actually.. but he is so kind to give me off.. don't know is becos I have worked for a month so he gives me a off or he wants me to rest to prepare for something more xiong.. haha.. just my guess.. but I really feel the stress when he treats me so good.. don't want to make mistakes to disappoint him..

anyway.. I am happy working there.. although my butt is still sticking to the chair while my eyes stick to the com screen.. preparing some excel sheets.. I feel a sense of achievement when I am able to conquer the excel formulas.. haha.. my friends say that I can be an excel expert.. I haven't touch any signage projects yet.. but I always learn a lot from the technical meetings.. a lot of stuff I really don't know.. so I am so enriched from what others have shared.. of course not to be left out I will try my best to contribute whatever I can help..

I have been getting well with some of the colleagues especially those who sat near me.. eating lunch with them everyday.. and now I getting closer to those younger ones who are around my age through all the secret chat.. haha.. which makes my life there more enjoyable.. the environment there is quite casual which I like.. and when it comes to work everyone is so serious.. nobody is slacking.. which is good..

the only thing that I not yet adapt to is waking up early everyday.. damn tired lah.. I need a lot of sleep lor.. haha..

I also feel the stress now from my parents..especially my dad.. he has told me how much money I should contribute to the family.. and I also have to help pay for his insurance.. I really very stressed after that.. that will be nearly half of my salary.. I don't want to give so much.. I need to have my own savings and expenditure. he really gave me a shock.. there is a lot of stuff that I want to learn like driving.. that will need a lot of money.. and I still have to pay back my debts.. to the cpf and my mother.. suddenly I feel that I am tied down so much things.. money money money.. why is it so impt.. talking about money.. I really feel scared..

Movies, movies, movies..

2008-10-11T15:47:00.003+08:00

Watching movies has been my favourite past time.. I used to think watching movies alone is quite pathetic.. a lot of ppl also disapprove that and they never do that.. they rather watch the movies at home.. either download or dvd.. but now I actually don't mind watching alone becos coordination with friends is not required and no need to wait for friends to be free.. and by the time they are free.. the movies will have stopped showing.. so watching alone is actually not troublesome at all and I always watch it impromptu.. and rush to the cinema just on time to buy a tix to watch.. since you can't talk to any one during the movie, watching with somebody is not really required.. but of course I still prefer to watch with somebody.. it's not so sad lah..

more than 2 weeks ago I watched mama mia.. it is a interesting movie with all the familiar ABBA songs and good acting by Meryl Streep, my favourite actress and the dynamite sisters.. Meryl Streep not only can act well.. she can also sing and dance well.. who can be as well rounded as her.. ppl have been so used her seriousness but she is so cheerful in this light hearted movie which is a different side of her..

this movie is not boring.. but I actually find it quite retro and cheesy for the way the characters behave and speak.. I feel the senior citizens should watch this.. haha.. they will learn to live their lives to the fullest and no regrets.. most of the main characters of the movies are so old.. this movie will make you want to get its soundtrack or ABBA album as the songs are so catchy.. but I must say that Pierce Brosnan's singing is quite weird and he don't really can sing yah.. but a good effort from him.. haha..

This week I have watched painted skin.. thinking there is so many stars casted in this movie should be quite worth it to watch but I must say that this movie is just average.. I thought it will be quite scary as there are demons in this story.. but it is not at all.. just a normal story that can just be shown on tv.. now tv drama also have visual effects yah.. this movie emphasizes love.. love that is so strong that devils can't take advantage of it at all.. it is a simple story and a lot of scary details in the movie are not shown but only told by mouths.. so the scariness is not there.. not much of a climax.. and the ending is just a normal happy ever after..

I also watched vicky cristina barcelona.. it is a movie funded by spain.. so to encourage ppl to travel to spain for its beautiful scenery and old monuments.. but this is quite a "crazy movie" which is what my friend has put it.. becos of the crazy way that they characters in this movie handle love relationships.. there are suggestion of threesome to cure loneliness, bisexual relationship to fill up the missing puzzle in a marriage of 2 "crazy" artists, a normal woman who thought she will want a normal husband and normal marriage but actually don't like it to be too normal and is tempted and attracted by a not so normal artist and another woman who is so unsure what she wants in life and don't mind trying out things to know what she really don't want.. Are these what really happening in Barcelona? these may be quite surprising and funny to ppl in our conservative society... but not impossible to happen anywhere.. but is it a good potrayal of the life in Barcelona?

This movie started quite slow but many unexpected twists started to appear that you will not be bored.. Vicky and Cristina are back to their normal lives as they returned to America after experiencing the "exciting " trip in Barcelona.. They end where they began.. we the audience also have the same feeling when the movie ended..

Yeah!

2008-10-07T02:37:00.003+08:00

Finally can stop reading the classified, applying for jobs and going for interviews.. this is a hobby that I don't really like.. haha.. Thankz to all my friends who have been very concerned about me getting a job.. yes I have found it.. so happy! :) so happy that informed my friends about the good news immediately.. it is actually quite frustrating to be always reminded with questions like "haven't found job yet?', "what jobs you are applying?", "any more interviews coming?" and I have to explain again and again why I want to find something totally not related to what I studied.. I know you are concerned.. I felt it.. but to be asked over and over again.. is not a good feeling..

This is a project executive position.. have been saying this many times also.. but this is something good to share lah.. I will be working at a signage company which did all the road signs in Singapore.. yah.. the company that I has been talking about.. this boss is so kind to accept me who knows nothing about signage and project management.. becos he sees my passion in designing.. yes.. I am doing something related to designing.. so happy to be doing something related to what I like.. I am not doing designing of course.. becos I don't have the knowledge and skills required.. but I will learn about doing signage.. from its conceptualisation to its installation.. signage system and wayfinding signages are just some of the signages that are made.. I am so excited about it.. will reading up more about signage and also project management.. I have so much to learn!

another good news is I have also bought my avril lavigne concert dvd.. yeah! missed her concert in Singapore.. nvm.. will watch it on my computer screen.. haha.. live effect not there.. but at least can also watch her singing, actions and power.. haha..

F1 heat?

2008-10-07T02:07:00.005+08:00

I missed the live telecast of the F1 final last sun becos I went on a photography field trip with my photography friends.. it is a walk from the alexander bridge to the henderson wave.. anyway.. will blog about it when I have time yah..

I was so worried that there is no repeat telecast of the final.. becos I heard the surprising and unexpected results of the race.. Fernando Alonso won the race!! From a 15th position.. that is amazing.. I watched the qualifying last sat.. he has been doing so well for the practice.. to be positioned at 15 for the final race.. was so disappointing for him.. his car broke down and after he got out of the car.. he waved his arms in frustration and buried his head in his hands in disappointment.. so sad for him.. in a race circuit that is quite impossible to overtake.. to be positioned so behind will be difficult for him to get to the front..

but seems like the he is lucky.. I watched the repeat telecast of the final yesterday.. many crashes have taken placed and the famous Massa's accident that caused him to lose his winning momentum and focus.. the F1 race can be so unpredictable.. anything can happen.. no matter how great the technology of the car is and no matter how good the racer is.. any human mistake or technical error can bring down the racer and the whole team..

now Ferrari has dropped from the top position.. and Massa is even further from the top position.. will Hamilton be the top racer? it's hard to say.. anything can happen in the next 3 races..

the Singapore leg of the F1 race is over so did it bring any impact to Singaporeans? It is truely an eye opener for all of us.. we finally know what is F1.. but it is still something we can watch but not to touch.. and the heat doesn't really last.. let's wait for the races in the years to come.. to see whether it is really our cup of tea.. to watch cars racing 61 rounds of the same circuit again..

it is really quite boring for me..

That time.. I went to work a 3 days part time for a WDA roadshow and there was a display of the F1 race car and it was the winning Renault race car model..
haha.. the racer is fake..

that's me with the car..

My designs

2008-09-30T15:48:00.013+08:00

That time, the signage company executive director wanted to look at my designs.. yah.. somebody so high in position is interested in looking at my designs? I am quite surprised lah.. and I am just learning designing and anyhow design de.. but he is interested to look at them.. this makes me more positive about getting this job.. so I went to dig out my designs.. actually not many of them lah.. just the designs I did for my sch project, , fac tee, sciphi and grad dinner.. I have uploaded those that I never upload before for you all to see.. any comments just post.. I am just a beginner.. haha..

These are the designs and articles I did for current issue of Sci phi..

Front and back cover.. somebody commented that it is not very nice.. no focus and direction.. don't really understand what it is about.. and the photos should not be cut out..

Nice photos taken by me.. haha.. and three from bellamy.. of course his are the nicest lah.

The first window signage I designed for use before the opening.. that time I don't really know the existence of illustrator so I actually used photoshop to design this and I used many many layers.. just to get the special font effect..
Sciphi previous issue cover.. I gave the idea and pic and it is actually done by Andy..

Below is the series of designs for a write up in previous sci phi..

Ticket design for my grad dinner.. not very nicely done.. haha..

he replied and he likes my fac tee design.. which can be found here.. http://stars-fruit.blogspot.com/2008/03/thank-you.html.. what he says really makes me more confident to do designing..
"The design of your faculty tee is quite nice. I like the way the graphic flows around the T-shirt. The juxtapose of the two very different text treatment is quite nicely done as well."

Really happy to hear this good comment.. and he also says this when I emailed him to ask him about the interview result.. I was quite worried about it lah.. becos no news for quite some time..
"We are still reviewing your job application. If it helps, I like you to know that your application is viewed positively. I've personally enjoyed the good vibes we shared."

then now the phone call. :)

A good lot..

2008-09-29T21:52:00.002+08:00

Yesterday, I went to the si ma lu guanyin temple.. my mum suggested that we go pray.. becos she is actually very worried about my jobseeking.. scared I jobless for too long and no money yah.. she is very concerned about money issue lah..

Acually, from this outing with my mum, I found that my relationship with my parents is quite strained.. last time, I will talk to my mum about anything.. yah.. basically everything that happens to me.. becos we are close and she will listen.. yes.. she will listen.. but now? she don't listen to me at all.. when I want to share something with her about my photography field trip on sun.. about the fun I had.. she is not interested at all.. and always try to divert the conversation to other topics.. why is she like that? becos she thinks my nightmares the previous night is caused by my field trip on the forest trail from the alexandra bridge to the henderson wave.. it is ridiculous.. yes.. my nightmares were quite bad.. two which were so scary that I cried twice during my sleep.. don't know why leh.. it is really scary.. I never tell her the details of my nightmares.. becos one of them is about her bullying me.. haha.. funny right.. she also appear in my dream..

I had been quite depressed and really about my relationship with my parents which has been affecting me so much.. that somebody says I am not looking happy at all.. I don't know why.. I just can't find the strength to smile a lot.. some people can just smile.. and they find it tiring to look serious.. but I am the other way round.. I like the feeling of smiling but it just don't happen frequent.. I know it does not happen frequent at home now.. becos my parents are all forcing their ideas on me.. they already know that I will not listen to them.. but they just to say them over and over.. even if I have threw my temper becos of what they say.. they just want to say it.. and they really hope that I do what they like and say what they like to listen.. then how can I share anything with them.. how can I talk to them.. I can only say things that they like to listen.. but will I be happy? will I? and they always potray me as someone else which is not me at all.. misunderstand me.. I just give up and don't talk to them much..

like a few days ago.. I fell down becos I slipped on a pool of oil in the lift.. I thought that is just a pool of water.. never expect that to be oil.. and I just stepped on it and slipped.. luckily I landed near the door which does not has much oil.. but I did dirtied my clothes a bit.. then just have to return home to change to go out again.. once I stepped into the door.. my mother just scolded me for being so careless.. why I have to enter while I see a pool on the floor.. how I manage to fall while I am so young.. does she means that young ppl can't fall down.. can't have careless moments.. can't just be unlucky? must she nag at me repeatedly.. and just stand there and never show any concern whether I hurt myself at all.. I am totally angry and disappointed.. why my mum is like that? am I an only child? am I pampered at all? some interviewers see that I am only child and first thing they are afraid that I am pampered.. and will not be hungry for sales at all.. but am I? that is a misconception.. I am hungry to show my parents that I can do something not my major and do it well! I will show them de!

I really felt very sad and depressed.. I just try to sleep it off.. maybe my bad memory will throw these unhappiness away.. makes me not to think about it again.. becos I can't remember! but it happens almost everyday so it is difficult to forget! I just bottle it up somewhere inside me..

anyway.. that is just another unhappy complain I have.. here is the good news.. I drew a good lot yesterday.. seems to be the best lot.. it says something good will happen that means I will get my job soon and I will be contented.. it is a good sign.. and I just received a phone call just now that I need to go to the signage company for a final discussion on fri and that will decide whether I can work there.. I am really keen to work there.. I can work as a project executive.. not chemistry related at all and there is some designing related as this company do designs of signs.. I should be happy to work there.. so hope the discussion goes well!

Cheers to Paralympics!

2008-09-23T14:50:00.003+08:00

This post came quite late.. has wanted to talk about it last week.. becos I am so touched by the performance of these athletes.. no matter which countries they are from.. they have shown all of us what is sportsmanship.. what is determination and hard work.. they are truely the sportsmen..

this was the first time that I have watched the matches on tv.. sitting volleyball where the handicapped volleyballer will sit down to play.. even if some of them don't have a leg.. they still could play with their hands and move about using their one legs and buttocks.. when the match finished they also jump up in joy and hopping around and hug each other like any other able bodied athletes..

The swimmers also have shown to us that even if they have lost the strength of their legs they still could swim well to complete the lap..

Goal ball.. an interesting game.. it may seems just an easy throw ball game.. but it is not so for the blinds.. they have to feel the ball and also use their hearing..

Marathon runners may have lost the strength of their hands, they still could train their stamina and leg strength to run the marathon..

These athletes have shown to us that whatever difficulties they have they could overcome them.. they are both mentally and physically strong.. and I feel that the problems that able bodied people face seem to be very small compared to theirs.. so how can we give up easily when they can do it!

Congrats to Swimmer Yip Pin Xiufor clinching gold and silver and breaking the world and paralympics records.. we are so proud of you.. seeing the singapore flag being raised and the singapore anthem being played is so emotional to everyone.. no gold for olympics but still have have one at paralympics.. and it is clinched by a true singaporean..

and also congrats to rider Laurentia Tan for clinching two bronze for equestrian.. she is the first Singapore paralympics medallist.. I found an article on her and will like to share with you all..

http://sg.news.yahoo.com/cna/20080912/tap-273-singapores-laurentia-tan-wins-se-231650b.html

"When she was five, Laurentia Tan was described as a "vegetable". Born with cerebral palsy, she could not speak, hear, walk or sit, and her parents Anselm and Jannie were advised to admit her into an institution.

They refused.

Today, their 29—year—old daughter is an Oxford Brooks University graduate based in the United Kingdom. She has a career, drives a car and is now a star athlete, after collecting a second bronze medal at the 13th Paralympic Games on Thursday.

...

Anselm and his wife Jannie moved their family, including son Ephraim, to the UK when Laurentia was four.

"When she was a year old, the doctor said she was spastic. Back then, they didn’t call it cerebral palsy," said Jannie, a government officer.

"We moved to England because the special schools there are very good with the necessary facilities. It was there her deafness was diagnosed. I’m not sure if she could have achieved all this if she had stayed in Singapore then."

Anselm, a businessman, added: "That was Singapore then. Singapore has come a long way in the last 20, 25 years. With the present conditions, she would definitely have been able to achieve this. The level of awareness is much greater now, and we’ve received so much support, including from the Singapore Sports Council, the Singapore Disability Sports Council and so many kind souls."

..."

This is called miracle..

I feel that Singapore still has a long way to go, even now, to have the right facilities to take care of these people with handicaps.. only the last few years that the MRT has built lifts and slopes and other facilities allows these people to take the train conveniently..

More awareness still has to be created.. and the society still has some old mentality needs to be changed.. like "scared" of them or avoiding them.. viewing them as "weird".. I feel this is only a start but it is a great start.. as the medals have sort of open our eyes..

Boy A

2008-09-23T14:01:00.003+08:00

Watched the movie last tue.. after my interview which was quite short.. and just nice I was at PS and this movie only shows at GV plaza..

I have been wanting to watch this movie.. becos it has good review and I like the story.. The acting is also very convincing.. It is about this Boy A.. he is named Boy A on court to conceal his identity for killing a gal with a friend when they are just children.. it was a gruesome murder.. it was not shown but you know how cruel they are.. and this cruelness has imprinted into the minds of the people in the society that even if he was imprisoned for 14 years.. this murder can still be remembered that when he get out of the jail, the society and media will still want to dig him out.. media just know how to make use of the mentality of the society to get news and viewership..

he changed his name to jack and wanted to start a new life.. he wants to adjust to this new world that he had lost touch for 14 years.. and find love in this new world.. his friend is gone.. he had passed away.. what caused them to commit the murder.. they are not inborn psycho.. they were just children but the bad childhood experience caused them to behave weirdly.. the friend being sexually abused and bullied by other men.. Jack had an alcoholic father and sick mum suffering from cancer and he was always bullied by other guys in sch.. they are basically ignored by others.. nobody to depend on other than each other.. Jack was the weak one but he was influenced by his only friend.. it was sad to see them being imprisoned.. even if their crime is so bad and maybe unforgivable at that time.. but they have already paid the price.. is there no second chance for them.. I just feel sad..

reward is put out to catch this boy A, to dig him out.. he is said not to be forgiving and so he has to always hide his past.. forget about it to start anew but can he? he has nightmares about the past.. the past is still holding on to him and the story being played on the news doesn't help at all.. even to his new found friend in work and girlfriend, he has to keep them from his past.. how can he live this life.. his only comfort is he still have a social worker who really takes care of him and the good thing that he did which was to save a little gal's life.. he has really changed to the better..

When everything was exposed, he tried to get help but where was the help? who was there to help him.. no more friends there for him.. and he can only escape from all these nightmares by leaving this world.. what a bad ending..

Is the society really so unforgiving? I wonder whether the yellow ribbon project is effective.. I really hope it is..

A useful tip to clean your pc..

2008-09-12T14:58:00.003+08:00

I happened to chance upon this article in the straits times Digital Life on 3 Sep by Lim Yee Hung.. that teaches me how to clean my pc so that I can get my pc running faster and smoother.. which is very useful for my desktop which I bought for about 5 years ago.. I have reduced my use of this desktop after buying my this laptop last year.. why did I buy this laptop? becos the desktop is too slow le.. startup slow.. internet loads very slow.. so when I want to book nmr slot for my honours project, I always lose to others.. Therefore, I hope these following steps will help to speed up my com.. I tried them.. it did help to speed up a bit but maybe my desktop ram is 256mb only so it still run quite slow compared to my 2G laptop.. I am not used to using my desktop already.. maybe I need to upgrade the ram..

I still want to share with you all the steps.. so that all of you can try it out on your pc.. hope it is useful.. There is only one requirement which is an internet connection for downloading..

1. Tidy the startup
Remove the needless programs which run automatically when your com is turned on. Go to Start Menu, Run, and type "msconfig" in the command prompt. Click the startup tab which displays the list of programs and uncheck the ones that you don't need running at boot up. Restart your com after that. Programs like itunes and skype can go.
A small note: After your com restarted, you will prompt with a dialogue box that tell you that com has startup with a selective start up and asking whether you want to change it to normal. You can ignore that and check the box that you don't want to be reminded again for every startup.

2. Clean up the crap
Over time, your computer accumulates GB of junk and slows down your system and reduces the free space on the hard disk. Go to www.ccleaner.com and download the latest version of CCleaner. Run the program. In the left hand pane under the windows tab, check th boxes of the files that you want to remove such as Temporary Internet Files and your Recent Documents history. If you are unsure, just leave it at the default settings. Click the Applications tab and do likewise. Once you are done, click on Run Cleaner at the bottom right corner and let CCleaner do the magic.
I managed to clean over 2 GB of junk from my com!

3. Clean up your registry
Your PC also collects useless or erroneous entries in the computer registry over time. However, since the registry contains critical files for your computer to function, create a system restore point by going to the Start menu, All programs, Accessories, System Tools and click System Restore. Check the Create a Restore Point button and click Next; follow through the process.
Run the CCleaner and navigate to the Registry tab on the left hand pane. Click the Scan for Issues button. A list of problematic registry entries will be generated. Once the scan is complete, click the Fix All Selected Issues. Click No when asked to create a backup of your registry, since you have already created a restore point and then click Fix All Selected Issues. Restart your computer once it is done. Should something go wrong and you wish to restore your registry, simply restore your com to its original state using System Restore.

4. Remove viruses and spyware.
Many old com are stuck with expired versions of antivirus software. Simply download the latest AVG Free Internet Security Suite which incorporates an antivirus and antispyware scanner and remover from free.avg.com.
A small note: I believe AVG Free is one of the best free antivirus software around becos even the computer centre in NUS also recommends using that and remember to download the free version and not the standard one which requires you to pay after the trial period.
Run the program on startup and click the computer scanner tab on the left hand pane, then click Scan Whole Computer. AVG will then weed out all viruses and spyware and you can choose to delete or quarantine them.

5. Uninstall unwanted programs
Bloatware are a burden on thbe system. You can remove them swiftly and completely with the free Revo Uninstaller program. It scans your system after you uninstall any program and removes any files that are left behind. Go to www.revouninstaller.com, download and run the program. Click on a program you wish to remove from your computer, such as PC games which take up large amounts of space, and then click the Uninstall button on the taskbar.

That's all. Go and try it out!

I really need luck..

2008-09-11T00:05:00.002+08:00

I don't have luck getting full time jobs.. I also don't have luck getting part time jobs..

I tried getting a part time.. but seems like there are also many ppl looking for part times too.. and I am not as eligible as them.. so the answers I got are negative.. or just no news.. who will like this feeling? I don't too.. I am feeling the stress.. and is desperate now.. will I just anyhow get a job now? am I choosy? I must say is no for both qns.. I am not so shui bian.. and I also applied for a wide range of jobs.. so don't ask me what kind of jobs I am applying now.. it is so difficult for me to answer now.. becos I am also don't know what I am actually applying.. I know but as long as I feel okay with it.. I will apply.. without thinking too much.. I have an interview next mon.. which I not even sure whether I am up to the job.. the job description looks so chim to me.. I just have to try my best.. *smiling forcefully*

as my parents are so worried about me.. they brought me to a guanyin medium at a temple.. who can really help me and is so accurate about my situation.. which is quite scary.. I am not superstitious but how do you explain these kind of stuff.. she speaks in a language that cannot be understood and so there is this translator.. who will translate what "guanyin" is talking about and what are the talisman for..

She said that I am not focused enough and my mind is quite in a mess about what I want and even I got a job, I will not stay long in it.. and she said I had a bad temper and I should maintain a good relationship with my parents and I should not keep everything to myself.. should communicate with my parents.. isn't this scary? how did she know all these? I am wondering.. why is it so accurate??

and she gave me a few talismen that will bring me good luck in getting a job.. I have to drink and wash with these before going to interview.. and carry it with me.. and I am warned from going to wakes or weddings.. becos it will bring me bad luck..

I should just believe in this.. and hope luck will come..

Now addicted to the OC..

2008-09-07T00:26:00.005+08:00

No more the funny jiangzi who is mad but still logical sometimes.. no more the bossy and funny Anna.. and no more manly and caring zhexiu.. I have found a new drama to be addicted with.. haha.. it is the OC.. yup.. it is a very old drama.. I used to like it a lot.. love it.. watched the first season on tv.. that was about 5 years ago.. that's is so long ago..

I think I did watched the 2nd season.. a few episodes of it.. didn't complete it.. why? becos.. if I'm not wrong.. there is some heterosexual content in the story and so Channel 5 changed the timing of the show and put it very late in the night and I can't watch it becos I was studying.. they can't show any lesbian stuff in the prime time.. haha.. silly right.. just becos it will mislead the kids.. anyway.. that is the last of what I know of the OC..

then now that the technology is so advanced.. people upload the dramas online.. and I can watch it.. on tudou.com.. haha.. yah.. I watched many shows on tudou.. what I like about this show? maybe it shows the 'exciting' lifestyle of Americans.. something that is not typical in Asian countries.. so much twist and turns and excitements.. maybe there are but it is ever portrayed on the local tv.. I think this is what so great about american dramas.. they have interesting plots that they can play with.. and I love marissa cooper.. there are most dramas in this character played by Mischa Barton.. the most messy.. which added some interesting factor to the show.. as much as I wish that this pretty gal will get together with ryan.. there will be problems that prevent them to get tog.. then appears several new love interests.. I also love the music used in this drama.. mostly by indie rock bands.. which I enjoy listening to.. yeah!

I am still watching season 2.. in the mid of it.. and there are still so many episodes to go.. haha.. there are seasons 3 and 4.. can't wait to finish it..

I have uploaded the opening song for the OC.. if you have watched it, you will definitely find it familiar.. it is so catchy.. California!

As the local chinese dramas are not catching my attention, I have turned to watch Channel 5.. the Heroes on Mon, Ugly Betty on thurs and project runway! all my favourites!

Not going to avril lavigne's concert.. so sad..

2008-09-06T23:32:00.004+08:00

I have wanted to go to the concert all along.. and wished for it so much.. I am so happy to know that she is finally coming and I can finally watch her perform live! missed her 2 previous concerts here.. so I thought since this year I graduated.. I should be more free to attend and maybe by this time I got a job and can pay for the tix.. but...

I am still jobless.. I am broke.. I want to buy the most ex tix $165 +$3 sistic fee.. I can't afford.. online somebody is selling the 2nd row tix at $150! so tempted to buy! but I really can't spend this kind of money.. I tell myself that going for this concert is not a must for me.. I can't anyhow spend my money.. but this is not anyhow! Avril Lavigne's my idol!

I don't want to buy the cheaper tix becos I being to indoor stadium.. I know how bad the view is at the back.. can't see anything other than hearing the singing.. no point.. if I were to go I will want to take photos of her.. see her real expressions and feel her singing and energy.. and not thru the big screen.. so no other tix other than the most ex one..

I just have to bear with it even though I am free tmr.. and I will buy her toronto tour dvd when it comes out.. it will right.. the best damn thing!

Anyway, I uploaded a new video of her tour at the bottom.. pls take a look :)

Wall.E and Eve

2008-09-06T23:17:00.003+08:00

It is really a good animated movie.. it is not only a cartoon for kids.. but it also sends a strong msg to everybody..

The show is touching with the innocent love between Wall.E and Eve.. it is so pure and only needs to be expressed using actions and expressions and not much words.. sweet talk is not required.. just certain sparks and interlocking of fingers.. the robots are ideally humanised.. more human than the humans in the movie..

the humans are so scary.. are they what we humans will be like 700 years later? bone loss and fat.. and only know how to communicate thru a screen.. why are they fat? becos they are served by robots and just need to open their mouths to get what they want.. they are always lying on a couch everywhere they go.. and they have forgotten how to walk.. they can't walk.. they need robots to carry them.. oh my goodness!! now beauty is thin.. is fat the beauty in the future?

What became the earth? it is just a ball of junk with mountains of rubbish and no greenery.. who cause this? Humans who escaped in a large spaceship and leave the rubbish to wall.E to clear.. this is so pathetic.. humans did nothing to save earth.. but just run away.. escape from the fact.. this is so sad.. how long can we run away from it..

There is still hope..

2008-08-31T22:59:00.003+08:00

last 2 weeks have been quite disappointing for me.. not only becos of the poor response from job applications and also some other things..

I never feel so helpless and powerless.. where is the power I used to have? is it me or is it them? Is it becos I not really impt.. or the rest not impt.. what is the point of having orientation? just to have friends on the surface? just for studies? close friends not really.. yah.. when do og lasts? we only spend a week or so together than after that? If we are in the same course.. if we are in the same cca.. we will stay tog.. maybe only.. how can bf and friends of a few years compared to a week or so? even if we the first friends that we meet in uni.. is it significant enough?

I am thinking.. through my four years in uni.. I have so many friends.. even more than many other people.. so should I go and care about all these ppl.. should I? should I put in so much efforts? but I never care about the return.. becos I just don't like the feeling of being left out.. being pangsei.. being blur blur in uni.. I being thru all these.. so I want to help.. I don't want ppl to suffer like me.. so maybe I should just think that it is the orientation system problem.. or the mentality of the youngsters have changed.. they know clearly what is impt to them and nobody can easily change their mind, unless you are somebody impt to them.. I assume this is the reason becos it happens to many other groups too.. not only mine..

so what is an outing if somebody say that you all can have it without me.. anyway.. I not so impt.. or should I say it doesn't hurt me or you if I don't go.. by putting it bluntly.. it quite sad to hear that.. I will feel really sad.. what friends is this? therefore it has been a long time since I organise a gathering.. I used to be enthubut not now.. I tried again.. but it was disappointing so I don't think I want to try again.. I rather go out alone.. or just a few friends..

okay.. now that everything is over.. my last official sci club event is over.. if I am invited.. I may consider.. I have no more reason to go back to sch.. so I no need to face anything.. I just have to concentrate on my job applications which I have sent out quite a number... got interviews coming up so no more worries.. there is hope!! and I can have time for my hobbies.. watch videos, blogging, take photos, reading up on designing, go gym and learn dance! yah.. I signed up for a hip hop class at the sports complex near my house.. really enjoy it.. don't want to have stiff shoulder anymore and can be more flexible and expressive.. hopefully.. haha..

I am enjoying life.. I really am.. haha..

EQ is so impt..

2008-08-31T22:37:00.002+08:00

all the controversy that revolved around the ping pong game in Singapore is so called over.. the main characters in the story held their hands and raised high for everyone to see.. for the whole singapore to see..

it should be something happy that singapore finally won another olympics medals after 48 years.. but becos of the minister who don't have much EQ or should I say has no training to deal with media.. she burst out in front of the reporters about how angry she is and how the manager and coach will be deal with.. and following are some out burst by the other characters like the coaches, manager and players.. now they are washing their dirty laundry for everyone to see.. now everyone knows how bad the internal situation is.. there are unhappiness that is kept in the hearts of the people for too long.. izzit the biasness.. izzit the cockiness.. only they will know themselves..

I think all of them.. the ministers and sportsmen should go on course to deal with media.. I think they are not trained enough on how to face the reporters and public.. now that cameras and flash follow them everywhere and singaporeans are so much concerned with sports now.. with the F1 and youth olympics coming.. I think we should all portray ourselves in a better way to the whole world..

The finale..

2008-08-25T02:33:00.004+08:00

The olympic ended today.. there is no more sports to watch.. the last that I watched is the rhythmic gymnastics.. so sad..

The closing ceremony is nice.. but you don't feel so wow as compared to the opening.. but it still has its impressive elements like its human tower..

Congrats to our women table tennis team for getting a silver.. and I see a future with better medal with feng tianwei around.. maybe a gold.. the way she plays is so much better than li jiawei.. more calm.. and less errors.. and she can really fight with zhang yining.. and her match is so much more exciting.. Li jiawei missed her bronze again.. and she is so sad.. but can't be help with so many errors..

I hope Singapore will have chance to win more medal in the next olympic with more locally born sportspeople participating.. foreign talent is good but we can be more proud of it if the medal is won by somebody local..

Watched 2 non-blockbusters

2008-08-25T00:34:00.002+08:00

Last week, I watched 2 movies.. one is more of the indie kind, artistic kind which have won many awards overseas.. and the other which is a documentary that has received very good reviews..

Bad habits.. a film about not eating either becos of religious reason, losing weight reason.. it touched on the issues of anorexic, the reality of religion and the common concept of thin is beauty..

there is a gal who believed in god fully, such that she thinks god can save everyone, stop everyone from dying and stop every disasters.. even better than what a doctor can do.. yah.. she is a doctor.. and she thinks by not eating good food will help, will get the god's response but didn't she know all these deaths and disasters are part of the life cycle? and all the praying that did came true maybe just coincidence.. I am not trying to say that religion cannot be believed.. it just that god can't save everybody.. deaths are part of life..

and there is a mother.. who thinks skinny is beauty.. and wants herself to be thin and her daughter to be like her.. but don't she knows that chubby can also be pretty and her daughter has her father's gene too.. the fat genes.. yah.. her father is fat.. and likes to eat a lot.. so how can she be thin.. they tried so many ways of sliming down.. placebo.. the fake food in slimming centre.. the acupuncture.. so crazy..

the funniest thing is the father architect.. at a point in time thinks that the gastric acid from the vomit of the school gals can corrode the pipes? so ridiculous..

What so artistic about this movie is the way some of the scenes appear.. and the sound effects.. it is a fine movie.. but not so fantastic.. maybe becos I don't always watch this kind of movie..

The second movie is mad about english.. it is funny in the way the china chinese speak english, and the funny road signs or signboards they have.. the chinese are so into learning english even the near 80-year-old elderly also want to learn.. they conquered the bad memory.. all the difficulties to learn it.. and this old lady who is a sinseh.. also can speak the illness in english.. amazing.. all of them want to be part of the olympic fever and this is not only about olympic.. it is also about their future.. their wanting to have progress in the development of the country.. their patriotism has pushed them to learn english.. they are also kaisu de..

There is this crazy english teacher.. or should I say he is a motivator.. he not only teaches english.. he teaches values.. he yelled english to teach english.. he says "The only way to learn english is to memorise and recite." and he has a dream which is to change China, change everyone to learn english.. why.. is not to follow the westerners.. but to pity them becos they cannot speak chinese well.. wah.. quite proud yah.. and he motivated the youngster to learn english so as to show their patriotism, their filial to their parents.. english will make them a better person.. Wow!!

and there is this very crazy intensive camp that is military style.. parents spent a lot of money to bring their only child there to learn english in a crazy way.. cannot sleep much and have to learn english almost 24 hours.. and there are tests every day.. and to learn it is thru yelling.. you can see all their determination.. you will think they are really mad..

My last Rag and Flag day..

2008-08-14T21:53:00.016+08:00

Last Sat, I experienced my last Rag and Flag day.. the last float that I will be involved in doing, pasting, painting and cutting.. I don't think I will have the chance to be truely involved in the future..

I was asked to be our own Sci Rag photographer to help to take some photos of our Sci Raggers working, Sci fac cheering and also photos of other facs' and halls' floats and dance.. I woke up very early to be at NUS track for the touch up and prejudging.. yes Rag Day is back to NUS.. no more padang and this year due to the clash with national day, president nathan has to be at the istana and cannot be at the Rag Day..

Anyway.. Rag Day as usual is an emotional day.. many kinds of emotion.. anxious, excited, tired, happy, sad, disappointment, relieved and lost.. imagine having so many kinds of feeling in a day.. so it is really a memorable day for both flaggers and raggers.. you either cry for joy or cry for lost..

Biz ad is the big winner for faculty while KR is the big winner for hall.. Biz ad almost sweep all the flag awards.. and KR swept almost all the flag and rag awards.. we at least won a best float design award.. it's impressive that KR won the best float and environmentally friendly.. if you look at their float carefully you will be impressed by the kind of things and materials they used for their float.. things that you can't think of they will think of it and use them effectively.. although they have raised a lot of money last year, they still manage to receive the best progress award.. really can't imagine how much efforts they have put in.. I think we really have to learn from them.. quite impossible to follow completely the same, but at least try their model..

Pharmacy has such great improvement that when you look at their float presentation, you will feel wow.. impressive.. never expect such a good presentation from them.. can see they have really put in a lot of efforts and have very strong support from their department.. but the sad thing is they should be working with sci and not be our rival..

Although the criteria for winning chancellor shield has changed to 50% flag and 50% rag, it did not help much at all.. I believe the marks for rag are too close.. the judges should be quite lenient.. so the deciding factor is still flag.. and the difference in the money raised maybe quite a lot.. sci has improved in the fund raising but seems like everyone has also improved so did biz.. so the results are something not liked by all sci students.. especially the comm ppl.. but even if we have lost, we have to lose with good sportsmanship.. no point talking bad about anybody.. so the flag and rag directors really did make a good closing speech for the day.. I respect you all!

we are not bad losers.. we didn't win this year, we will win next year.. the most impt thing is we have enjoyed the process and achieve the more impt and meaningful aims which are to help the less fortunate ppl with the money raised.. and the bonding between seniors and freshies that are built thru the process.. the strong friendship and spirit that will not die down easily.. and every sci club event has to end with this powerful cheer.. that I will never forget..

Took about 3 GB plus of photos and videos for the event and I have selected some photos which I really like and have captured the right moments..

I felt the adrenaline..

2008-08-14T01:18:00.002+08:00

yesterday is a happy day for me as I manage to talk to somebody.. somebody whom I have not talked to for a very very long time.. even sms or msn also quite little.. due to some sad reasons that makes me want to forget and avoid that person.. okay.. known as A here.. I didn't really avoid A very obviously but just try not to talk too much to A.. haha..

I think is fate that brings me to talk to A.. becos I have never thought of talking to A again especially I have left the sch.. I thought I will never have the chance and I have no reason to do that.. but yesterday there was a reason.. haha.. never really talked much becos A is busy.. I thought that is all.. then A called back again.. yah.. and I was quite surprised.. never expect that.. we talked a bit and I felt some sort of excitement and happiness that has been missing for some time.. Will all my emotions be back? I really hate myself for that.. I should forget about it.. just be what I should be.. be normal..

however, a news really causes me to be in a confusion now.. why did it happened? shouldn't I be happy to know that? isn't that what I should hope for.. no.. I am not.. I just want to know why? it must be very sad.. I just hate it when fate wants to make fun of me.. but I still have not give out.. mentally maybe I have but in my heart, I am not.. I don't want to be sad again.. but I just can't control my feelings..

am I silly?

Mummy moving into East

2008-08-13T00:58:00.003+08:00

I just watched The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor yesterday.. this time there is no more mummy but clay terra cotta.. The emperor and his soldiers are all cursed and became terra cotta.. the story must have been adapted from the story of Qin Shi Huang.. haha.. the dragon emperor is modelled according to the Emperor Qin except that he is much more powerful as he can control all elements, fire, water, wind, fire..

Seems like Hollywood has run out of ideas and has moved their sight to the east to get ideas for their movie plots.. more and more movies about the east and jet li has more movies to shoot.. thankz to this and even hollywood actors need to know how to speak Mandarin other than just the chinese actors speak english.. Michelle yeoh is Chinese but the mandarin that she speaks is just as bad as the ang moh speaks mandarin.. haha..

Anyway in this movie.. Brendan's son has grown up and is also an adventure-seeker like his dad and mum but Luke Ford does not seem like Brendan's son at all.. they are like brothers.. Brendan doesn't look so old to have a son like him.. so it is funny to see them act as father and son..

I used to like mummy a lot.. the first and second movies.. but I really have no strong impression from this movie.. maybe it is more catered for family and kids.. I have grown up and will not enjoy as much watching this kind of movies already..

So worrying..

2008-08-13T00:35:00.002+08:00

my parents really scare me sometimes.. like my dad will suddenly forget about how to use the alarm clock that he has been using for so many years.. he did not know which button to use for the alarm??

then my mum gave me a shock yesterday by saying that the badminton team having 21 points will lose the set.. huh??!! of course having more points will win lah.. what happen to my mother? don't tell me these are the early signs of alzheimer's disease.. I am quite worried.. but they have gone for medical checkup and there is nothing wrong with them.. I really hope so this is true..

I am impressed by myself that I have start to be more tolerant of their nagging.. I must keep up the good work.. and tolerate more and argue less..

Who can resist the Olympics?

2008-08-12T20:40:00.003+08:00

nobody can resist.. especially when it is held in Beijing, an Asian country.. after so many big hoohaas about the olympics in beijing.. the political issues, torch relay, the pollution problems.. so many things that happened..

No matter you are a sportman or not, you are young or old.. you will like to watch the sports events on the tv.. even though Singapore does not send many sportmen and sportswomen for the events.. all Singaporean will still want to watch.. they will want to know who are the genius and champions of these sports.. and how amazing these ppl perform.. they may have created miracles or they may fall.. nobody will want to miss this.. nobody can imagine how miraculously the minds and bodies of these sports people can work.. they created their own personal best and break the world records one by one on this world stage.. anything can happen.. and it happened to our own Singapore swimmer.. Tao Li..

She broke her own national record, became the asian first.. and olympics fifth.. before the olympics, she aimed to get into quarter and semi finals.. if can get into these rounds she will already be very very happy.. but she did more than that.. she won the heats, 4th in quarter, 3rd in semi and got into the finals.. so proud of her.. she is one who can really do well under pressure.. the fast swimmers swimming along with her really boost her to swim better and better... and she brought medal hope to Singapore.. although she missed a bronze.. there is some disappointment but we are still very proud of her for her results.. She is a foreign talent who is worth the investment.. there is another medal hopeful who is Li Jiawei but I am not really hopeful of that.. as she usually succumbed to the pressure from the media coverage and Singaporeans' hope.. Let's wait and see..

talking about media.. the chinese sportsmen are really under great pressure from the media and all Chinese.. many broke down and cried under the pressure and lost and many felt even more proud and greater patriotism from the cheers of their ppl.. stress really has its own power..

What an experience!!

2008-08-03T23:03:00.012+08:00

Have you ever seen a fireworks so close, just like falling on your face? I did.. it is so close.. and so loud..

I was at the national day preview.. not sitting in the audience at the floating stage.. but sitting at the merlion park there with my photographer friends.. we are there to shoot fireworks! yup.. I am learning photography from my new found friends.. who are expert in taking photos.. they have so many good equipment and lenses.. I have so much money to spend these yet.. maybe when I have started working and made enough money, I will buy a good DSLR camera.. a professional camera.. I like taking photos.. photos of scenery, photos of people, of anything interesting to me.. anything that can tell a story.. so I want to learn how to take good photos.. it is not so easy as it seems.. I must know what settings are needed to take photos of different lighting..

using a high iso to take photos of places that are dark.. and use low iso to take photos of fireworks.. and using a tripod is impt to minimize shaking that will result in blur photos..

The views from my position.. This is the photo of the future IR.. when the IR is completed, I will be there to take another photo.. and you will see the difference.. how the place progress..

I can't see the performance of the national day parade at the floating stage from where I was.. but I can see all the air display.. with helicopter and fighter planes zooming past over my head and the sea display with the speed boats.. and the large balloons.. when there is something coming, the ppl at the back will be cheering or wowing.. haha.. yah.. there were many ppl there watching.. and they also there as early as before 4pm..

See how pack the place is..
The F1 powerboat.. so fast and noisy.. haha..
The gigantic layang pulled along the bay..

The motor parachute flyers flying closer..
The parachuters dropping down..

The parachuters touching down before the audience..
The helicopters fly pass..

Here come the black knights.. Yeah!
Coming from the opposite..

The lovely heart shape..

The big cute lanterns..
The nice evening shot of the merlion and esplanade..

then there are the fireworks.. it is so near... so close like you can just reach out your hands and touch them.. so colourful and pretty.. this is the first time I see so many fireworks live.. every year I will be at home watching from tv screen and hear the sound of the real fireworks from my home.. but didn't see any of the sparks.. so while I busy clicking my camera.. I was sort of mesmerised by the beautiful fireworks.. so big.. and not scary at all.. but my photos never came up so nice as the fireworks are too close and too bright.. and I set 2 sec exposure which is too long.. so I off the exposure.. and get some better pics.. at least i learnt something..
The night view before the fireworks..

The following are some better photos of the fireworks.. still a lot of room of improvement..

So if you all want to experience the fireworks falling on your faces, just go to the merlion park at the next national day at marina bay and have a good view of the fireworks just above your heads.. It's falling sparks!

Really cannot make it..

2008-07-31T23:26:00.002+08:00

I went for a civil service job selection on mon.. shall not say the department and position that I am applying to.. haha.. I am scared mah.. I still hoping to get the job.. okay this job.. the training will start in dec or jan.. the selection process is so long lor.. so scary.. after this selection, there will be 3 more rounds of interviews.. interview with psychologist, dialogue session with the management.. okay.. I think if you are familiar with this procedure.. you will know what job I am applying..

what really cannot make it? is the speed that the HR ppl do things.. or should I say the civil service.. like taking on sweet time.. don't seem to be very professional.. some matters are handled by the NS boys who are not really HR trained.. some communication problems.. we just received a SMS telling us where to meet and time and some stuff to bring.. why didn't they tell us that the selection will last the whole day? causing me to miss a large part of my ktv session.. I will not have put it on mon.. and why didn't they tell us that we need to know our referees.. so that we can handwritten our forms with ease.. yup.. we still have to handwritten a lot of forms and they still use the old filing system I think.. is this to create more work for the NS guys to do?

okay.. nvm.. then the thing is we finished our documentation and body check by 11am.. why must we wait for 3 hours before we can take our psychometric tests.. do they think that our time is not so precious? we don't take so long for lunch.. so we are just spending the time waiting and chatting.. if we have start early, we may have ended early and I do not have to miss so much of ktv and spend so much for cab.. and this psychometric test is the longest that I have done.. we have IQ ans personality questions and also a short qns paper to write.. this selection is really stringent.. I really don't know whether I will be selected.. since it will take so long, I am thinking of going for other jobs first.. and forget about this.. since I am quite turn off by the way they do things..

anyway.. I met quite a few interesting people at the selection.. one with 7 tattoos who rides a bike, one malay relief teacher for english who also ride a bike.. and a 28-years-old PE teacher who have quitted her job.. they are passionate about the job.. and really hope to get the job.. I am passionate about the job too but I think the intensity is not as much as theirs.. haha..

I starting to feel quite anxious about getting a job.. don't really like the feeling of bumming at home.. and not working.. so I have been checking my email everyday.. hoping to see something..

and I feel so unhealthy!

The very dark knight..

2008-07-27T22:17:00.005+08:00

okay no more batman.. is dark knight.. so batman is not a hero but a protector of the police.. protector of the real hero who shows his face.. or has half a face.. so ppl who have faces covered are bad lah.. should be blamed for all the bad things right.. batman is, painted-face joker is and the half faced district attorney Harvey Dent..

This movie is dark.. it shows the possible dark side of human.. the joker conducted experiments to prove that human has his own selfishness and evil side.. but batman believes in the goodness of human.. his experiment is quite successful.. as he managed to manipulate badly burnt Harvey.. provoked his anger and do all the bad things.. but it was all covered up by the poor batman.. do the ppl really don't need batman? Gotham citizens are blinded to think that way.. batman has helped them and is not a criminal..

I just can't take the fact that the joker sacrificed so many innocent just to achieve his goals.. ferry of criminals and ferry of ordinary citizens.. who should be sacrificed? it just so painful to make the decision and kill anyone.. no matter how bad the crimes the criminals have committed.. we also do not have the rights to end their lives and the criminals themselves also know that due to all the bad things that they have done, they are not worth staying alive.. I am happy that these ppl realise this fact.. but is this happening in the reality?

My friends say that the new batman car looks ugly.. I agree.. haha.. but his bike looks cool and my friends say that he sounds so weird with the voice that he has when he is masked.. he don't have that in the last movie.. and many ppl are making fun of his mumbling low voice.. haha.. just watch the spoofs on youtube..

The big big shots..

2008-07-27T14:41:00.007+08:00

Went to the commencement dinner last fri evening and it was a eye-opener for me..

Who will know that UCC can accomodate so many round tables for this dinner? Before going there, I was still thinking that the dinner was a standing buffet but isn't that weird for the VVIPs? To stand and eat their dinner? When I reached UCC, I was quite surprised by the sight. And I was so happy to know that Ziyang is also going for the dinner and he fetched me to UCC from Sci. So nice of him.. I just went to the dinner without knowing who else are going lor.. don't know whether there are anybody else whom I know going.. I was stitting the chem department profs, Ryan Bettens, Adrian Lee and FST Zhou Wei Biao.. and one more chem students is Rachel, the valedictorian.. who is sitting with the impt ppl.. and the remaining ppl at our table are from the maths, stats and QF departments.. what a mix.. anyway.. i have a great time sitting with them.. not bored at all..
The transformation of UCC..
Ziyang and me at the cocktail reception..

The Chem ppl..
of course the common topic is what I studied.. whether I have found a job.. what job I am looking for.. haha.. it is a good starting point for me to learn how to socialise and networking.. networking is impt.. and to find something to start conversation is impt.. and should be engaging.. the graduate from QF who sat beside me is good in ask good questions.. he is a scholar and he scores 4.9 plus for CAP.. oh my goodness.. I feel so small there.. you must be thinking why am I there.. just becos I am the class rep so I represents the honours student lor.. haha.. quite honoured lah.. something good about being the rep..

and the other side of me sat the NUS high school principal.. and he gave quite an insight to his school.. NUS high school is aiming at being world class.. and their students are all very very intelligent and are able to do well in NUS modules even though they are still in high sch.. there is a question asked whether these students will be going to NUS or they will want to go overseas since their results are so good.. they just had their first batch of diploma graduating students and there are already students being accepted by MIT.. so good lor.. and the topic of NUS vs NTU was raised and I made a comment that NTU is coming up as they are providing new courses similar to NUS.. and some profs are also being poached by NTU but the profs still believe the best are not moved by NTU at all and they stay at NUS.. and the hype about engin in NTU better than NUS is a marketing way.. haha..

We are seated so far from the stage and couldn't see the stage at all so we have to look at the TV screens.. haha.. UCC may not be very good place for grand dinner with so many pillars around and the low ceiling.. sad to say the tv screens don't make you pay attention to the programs on stage.. we will be chatting away most of the time.. and the dinner don't really taste fantastic lah.. compared to my grad dinner.. this is really not good.. and the service staff are from hilton.. does it means the food is also from hilton.. makes me wonder.. the only special dish is the final NUS Commencement Dessert.. It is a chocolate dome with raspberry sauce and alfonso mango sherbert. it is the nicest food that night.. haha..
NUS Commencement Dessert.. yummy..

After the event I went to took photo with the President of NUS.. it will be his last year in NUS.. the ex-Sci dean and current Provost and also the current dean.. never get to take photo with President Nathan.. so sad lor.. only the performers and the NUSSU ppl are lucky..

Photo taken with Prof Shih Choon Fong and Mrs Shih..

With Prof Tan, Ex sci dean..
Current Science dean and life sci prof..

Me and Alvan who is one of the dancers at the dinner..

Early this week.. I went to work part-time for an events company called "The Event Company" haha.. I am serious.. this is its name.. I worked as an usher at the Asean Ministerial Meetings at Shangrila Hotel.. Due to the tight security, it was first time I have the metal sensor body check.. it was actually a great experience.. can see all the Asean foreign ministers and Condoleezza Rice.. US secretary of state.. big shot leh.. haha.. and she even smiled and thanked me for opening the door for her.. haha.. but it was a tiring job.. have to wake up near 5am.. for the 4 days.. and finished work at 7pm.. I had slept early for those days lor.. luckily never fall asleep during work.. and we have to stand throughout the day.. sometimes.. nothing to do at all.. so opening the door is a better job for us than just standing there.. which is so sian.. and the ministers have so many followers and body guards who will direct them and made our job redundant.. the MFA ppl are also there.. and they are always watching us.. making sure that we are not slacking or pinching on their food..

haha.. Shangrila's snack is so delicious lor.. even its cappuccino and cookies are nice.. everyday.. we will "steal" the leftovers.. hee.. so delicately designed lor.. and so ex looking.. and the VIP don't really eat them.. haha.. I finally tasted the famous Macroons.. and even their thosai and mee siam are nice.. yummy yummy.. free food is always nice.. hee.. cheapo..

As part timers there, I always feel that we are watched by the MFA or the Perm staff.. they are sometimes just "jealous" that we looked more slacked and worked less hours than them.. we can't even slack too much during lunch lor.. ppl always complain.. one gal was caught on the first day.. sleeping on the comfortable chair in the toilet.. she slept for half an hour and was found by one of the MFA staff and that staff complained to our head.. and she was fired.. luckily she was still paid for the hours that she had worked..

AMM in short.. The logo looks like rice padi..

hee.. I was holding on the door while taking this photo of Rice secretly.. her bodyguard is just standing next to me.. so scary..
Flags of the ARF members..

The media is really scary.. always rush here and there.. to take photos..

The ushers with our FM George Yeo! He is really friendly and approachable.. he came forward to talk to us so we took the chance to take photo with him.. and he was fascinated by us sharing the photo using bluetooth..

don't ask me what the ministers have discussed becos I am always outside the ballrooms standing.. but they really have a lot of agenda to discuss.. I must thank yihui for introducing this job to me.. really a good chance to see the politics.. and this also spurred my interest in events again.. this company is really big.. much bigger than the one that I have interview with.. and the opportunity to have career advancement will be greater.. and so I want to apply.. and I have discussed with my parents.. they have once again quite discouraging.. due to the low pay and difficulties in the job.. the irregular hours and the lack of rest and sleep.. but I really don't mind.. becos my interest is really in events now.. so I have send in my resume.. hopefully will have interview soon.. but the problem is what if I have a few job offers, do I choose this events job over the rest? even though it is lower pay? and if I reject the civil service job, I can't apply it again in the future right.. so my decision will decide the future of my life.. so frustrating.. why we always have so many decisions to make? and some decisions are really hard to make..

Battle of Red Cliff to be continued..

2008-07-17T23:16:00.003+08:00

I didn't know there is a part 2 to this movie.. I was even suspecting whether this movie will be very long as there are so many wars to fight.. then at the end of the 2 hours plus movie.. the words came out.. "to be continued".. some guy beside me says.. "What the hell?? Do they want us to go out and buy tix again to come in and watch part 2??" haha.. he also don't know there is a part 2.. me too..

never expect it.. it is a surprise to me.. never read the review lah.. but this is a good movie.. not bored by the ancient speech at all.. they have injected some modern language to this movie.. but sounds so funny.. with the humour, this movie is interesting to watch.. becos you will not know what surprising things will come out.. but I must say that I am attracted to the looks of jin cheng wu Takeshi Kaneshiro.. his eyes are damn pretty lah.. haha.. but he looks too modern for this role already.. so looks a bit funny actually..

but the guan yu really looks like guan yu.. like a real hero.. the 3 generals guan yu, zhao yun and zhang fei are the real heroes.. always manage to fight alone.. they are fearless.. Is Lin Chi-ling the vase? I don't think so.. maybe she protrays the most beautiful woman of that time, but she is not a vase.. she is a support for her husband, she understands her man.. she is not a bimbo.. she leaves an impression in everyone who watched the movie.. same for Zhao Wei.. her character is impressive, being a true heroine.. fearless to be at the frontline.. A pity is their screentime is very short..

The battle scenes are very real.. with fighting stunts that look so real.. the director did make a effort to shoot these properly.. just that the blood spurting out very unreal.. haha.. like poking into a bag full of red ink.. I don't really like to see wars.. like committing many murders.. don't they regret what they did and don't the soldiers regret sacrificing their lives? I just hate seeing ppl suffering and feeling the pain..

Check this out!!

2008-07-16T01:21:00.002+08:00

New series of Avril Lavigne's Live acoustic set videos has been put on my blog.. right at the bottom.. Pls take a look. Still love her voice and her as herself..

Feeling empty and tired..

2008-07-15T21:20:00.005+08:00

Is this how my years in NUS will end??

After a hectic week.. course ended on wed.. commencement on fri.. yahui's birthday party on sat and grad dinner on sun.. I started to feel empty and tired.. really tired.. immediately after the grad dinner ended.. I started to feel the tiredness overwhelmed me.. Is it becos too many things happened to me last week? the lack of sleep days when attending the course.. a course that I don't know whether will be useful to me at all.. I thought it is.. "positive mindset will lead to positive behaviour and positive consequences ".. this is so practical to me.. I really need to think positively.. and I need to be positive towards what my parents say and do to me.. I have been too negative and the customer service skills can be applied to have a good attitude towards ppl.. especially my parents..

Commencement day is a really good day to me.. took photos with so many ppl and have so many ppl coming to UCC just to take photos with me.. really very touched lor.. and I will not forget the hugs yah.. from van and moses.. I love hugs from friends.. maybe I distanced myself from parents and don't feel the comfort from them at all.. anyway.. I can feel my parents really feel proud of me for my graduation from uni.. and I am happy that I did it for them and for myself..
Balloons falling to signify the end of commencement.. everybody busy throwing the balloons and bursting them.. bom bom bom!!!

My parents, uncle and me.. it's the first time I see my dad wears shirt and tie.. quite smart looking leh..
me and ronglun..

My last SCAMP OG.. Nadir! I kill you!!

Me and my prof..

Thankz nixon for coming specially to school after work to take photo with me.. feel so honoured.. haha..

Had a very good small gathering on sat at yahui's birthday.. we talked about what we did in primary school.. it feels so great to think back about the good time we had in primary school.. that is more than 10 years ago.. and I haven't been seeing wei lun around for about 10 years already.. nobody has changed much.. so am I.. and so happy to know that some of us are still staying so near to one another.. I thought everyone has moved away.. so good to feel that have friends close to you..
We missed the birthday song singing.. haha.. becos we went to the washroom.. when we came back, everybody was taking group photos already.. so funny lor.. haha..

The grad dinner was a great success.. everyone has enjoyed themselves.. with all the entertaining speech made by the mcs , ming xian and kai wi, and the entertaining performance and singing by the profs and students.. can really see that they have laughed a lot during the dinner.. all our hard work has paid off.. thank you to my hardworking comm.. thank you program comm (stella, jas, yee lian and yining) for the good program lineup and the running about during the dinner.. thank you log comm (jeremiah, yihui, qinyi, roujun and wei qiang) for the table arrangement, logistics preparation.. especially want to thank jeremiah for doing all the "magic" and all the driving and transporting.. thank you marketing comm (shiying, shuhui and shihui) for sending out all the proposals and obtained all the goodies for the goodies bags.. I am not very busy during the dinner.. becos I have a very good comm.. this dinner cannot happen without you all..

I also like to thank the department and all my classmates.. no matter they are honours or year 3s.. your support has given me the strength to organise this event and I really learnt a lot in all the planning and stuff.. it's really a great experience..
My dear comm with missing roujun, shuhui and shihui.. so happy it's over..

but I feeling empty now..

Is it my choice or their choice?

2008-07-15T20:48:00.002+08:00

I went for a interview for a catering/events executive position last fri.. It went quite well.. the interviewer is really good in pointing out my mistakes and have said that he will be able to train me and change me to be a better speaker.. yup.. my minus point is not able to speak professional and commercially.. I couldn't speak well and properly.. every time I will "grind" my words.. and I "speak like a old woman" why? Is it becos I process my thoughts in Chinese? Did I? maybe.. becos I can speak chinese more comfortably.. I really need to improve on my speech lah.. I must make a point to speak in more correct english..

That's the only bad thing that interviewer feels I should improve on.. I am actually quite happy that he can help me.. and thinking of giving this job a try.. I know how tough this job will be to start from scratch.. how irregular the working hours will be.. how low the pay will be for a beginner like me.. I actually don't mind about this.. I want to learn! I want to learn about hospitality.. I am considering working in the IR in the near future... okay.. it is not related to my science degree at all.. and I am not considering working for chem related companies.. I don't want chem already.. I have enough of Chem.. so can my mum pls stop telling me to find chem related stuff? really sick of it..

I thought the interview was going very well and I most probably will get selected.. quite confident of it and it really did.. but I never accept the job offer in the end.. becos it will give my dad a heart attack.. he is so worried that I take up this low pay job.. "you study so much.. you should get a job that has a pay equivalent to your level! Not something a low education level person can do de.. " and "it is a very shitty job.. I always hear my customers complain to me that they have to work until very late.." and " you are not suitable for this job at all!! you can't do sales.. it is too tough of you.." and " I am happy that you look for those management kind of job but this job really not for you.."

Okay.. after telling him about my choice of job.. he really can't sleep that night.. why must he over reacted on this issue... why must he be so worried and why must he get so agitated.. I really feel sad.. not that I disappoint them but becos I can't choose something I like.. I have no freedom at all.. there are times that I feel that he is just worried that I earn less and so cannot bring more money to home and he cannot work less.. I really not stand him saying that he will work less after I start working.. I just feel the stress to work just to take care of them.. is that my life in the future.. I have to always meet their expectation and I can't pursue what I want.. Can I grow up?

I really don't know what will happen next...

Give up liao..

2008-07-15T20:36:00.002+08:00

There is a toy that I have been playing with for some days.. during my bus and MRT rides..
The magic cube..

I am able to complete a face easily liao.. after trying over and over again but I still can't complete a whole cube.. why so difficult? I am always stuck with the last layer.. hai~ I have given up trying liao.. I will try it again when I more free bah.. or when my interest come back bah..

Black liao.. becos of the camp..

2008-07-07T00:04:00.014+08:00

haha.. have been very very busy after coming back from SCAMP and have many deadlines need to meet..

Feeling very bad that I still have a long way to go for the Sci Phi stuff.. really sorry andy.. becos I am suddenly busy with my course.. my grad dinner also need to design stuff.. like the certs, tix.. and I got to prepare for commencement and grad dinner lor.. and sending my resume.. so many.. oops.. sound like excuses like that.. hee..

hee..actually enjoyed this last SCAMP for me.. even though many ppl including the freshies say I old lah.. "should be old steph and not big steph lah.." hahaha.. so funny right.. becos there is another steph in this OG so need to differentiate us lor.. and since she is my last year freshie so she small, I big lor.. but I really older than everyone in my OG lor.. older than freshies guy by 2 years and the gals by 4 years leh.. and the seniors are mostly year 1 going year 2 and only andrew who is as old as me but still say I few months older lor.. so sad to be old lor.. but still have ppl say I looks like I just 20 only.. haha.. so happy to hear that.. always with young ppl so will look young lor.. and my heart is never old.. haha..
OG photo with desmond in spongebob square pants... haha.. so unglam yah.. unglam no. 2..

Day 2 in LT 25..

Mass dance Part 3.. the girlfriend song.. Joc's favourite.. haha.. so happy to see so many ppl in my tee.. will see even more ppl in this tee on rag day.. thankz andy for giving me the recognition..

SCAMP is incomplete without supper at fong seng.. prata!

Day 3 at the first external stop of amazing race at holland V.. Benjamin wore the underwear on the outside his pants but it is not clear in this pic.. haha..

Photo with unglam no. 1.. kangting.. haha..

We are supposed to act barbaric but why so many gals smiling.. haha.. friendly barbarians..
4th day! Going sentosa..

the sleeping dominoes on the bus to sentosa.. haha..
On the bus to palawan beach..
Blue House!! Blue nails!!

The pretty SP ICs..
The yellow Nadir female seniors.. haha.. we never say beforehand but coincidently we wore the same colour..
Wei yang also yellow.. amazing..

The freshies in shades of white and red..

Nadir on the beach...
The seniors minus small steph..

The checkereds.. Look at my bad tan..

The best SP in yellow..
Underwater World..

The nadir freshies..

The seniors..

The Barbarians..

this scamp have creative games that never played before and good seniors but the young seniors really get tired easily yah.. haha.. not as energetic as the "old ppl".. haha.. I did feel sad towards the end of the camp.. becos I started to miss sch.. and sci club ppl.. imagine will not be able to see familiar faces along the way to lecture and can't go club room to slack and talk talk le.. really sad lah.. and when I see the winning rag video, I really did cry lah.. the most emotional time in sci club..

I actually have the thoughts that it will not happen again anytime soon.. but who knows? like last year.. not many expect a win but we still did it.. and now the percentage is 50-50.. so we have even higher chance of winning le.. with all the hard work put on rag.. from what I see now.. not many ppl help rag leh.. even more ppl are needed bah but I still have see the comm members gan cheong leh.. so still haven't lag behind bah.. however, from what I remembered.. last few years.. by this time.. should be quite happening and rush liao lor.. nvm.. different comm.. different style bah..

I like all my freshies.. although there are some weird sleepwalk and sleeptalk.. haha.. must be too tired lah.. anyway.. they are a fun batch and they actually bonded in a way by using me as a target of their jokes lor.. I am quite useful yah.. who started it yah.. the gal who called hwee teng lah.. she got such big scary eyes lah and she is too good in talking that I cant win her de.. haha.. she even gave a "gift" which finally gone last few days ago.. the big blue black from ouch obi obi.. haha.. my favourite game.. which have to be play in proper way then fun which is to hit as hard as you can.. but the blue black really black lor.. and all the blood clot accumulated to my knee there lor.. must be careful of her lor.. haha.. a new game that I learn in this camp: tongkat.. is fun.. can train my reaction.. haha.. if not I too slow le.. and the game called he ha! is fun too..
The blue blacks.. hee..

Want to see more SCAMP photos? Go to these links: http://picasaweb.google.com/starsfruit/SCAMP08Part1 and http://picasaweb.google.com/starsfruit/SCAMP08Part2

I also uploaded many photos on facebook.. so busy tagging ppl and my mailbox is always flooded with mails from facebook lor..

we had 2 outings already.. the first nearly everybody is there.. it's at vivo and we watched Get Smart.. a very very funny show.. haha.. the agent should really get smart.. he is smart in some ways but he is still dumb in some ways.. and his dumb ways can really make you laugh until cry.. you can't imagine that there are ppl like him around.. the Rock seems so extra.. he also has to act a bit funny in some ways which seems so unnatural.. haha.. their poster is very special as all the other actors except the main actor have their faces blocked.. isn't that a bit bad for them.. as they don't get the publicity..

At the vivocity food court..

then the second gathering is at sch to celebrate steph's birthday.. happy birthday steph! while preparing for the cake actualy quite happening.. wax dripped in the lighter and then the lighter can't get lighted then the candle fall on the cake.. and the metal part of the lighter flew to the cake.. haha.. very clumsy right.. after the celebration, some of us stay on to do rag and then at the end we went on an exploration.. I first time climb up the roof leh.. suan gu right.. final year le.. then know..
"I want a piece!!"

Wed was the rag and flag camp.. went there late afternoon but stil get to play some games and then is the dinner and fruits nite.. so many fruits lor.. luckily my group never kena the zhong ji mi ma.. then no need to eat so much.. after that some of us played the ji niu nie game.. very excited playing that.. it is our zeus and nemo game.. started by jas and zoe.. haha.. will never forget this game..
The "re" group..

Our fruits..

Commencement coming le.. this fri morning.. pls come and take photos with me okay.. and I still looking for job lor.. finding job really not easy.. and now I am attending the course on service.. I will be a certified service professional and I can go into service line? but first can I accept a low starting pay and start from scratch? Can I? we shall see..

Meeting the "star"..

2008-06-30T02:28:00.003+08:00

That day I talked about meeting Zhenghuan at the clinic then the week after at Genki Sushi at cine.. I was eating the delicious japanese buffet with my friends and we met another Channel U 唯我独尊 contestant whose name is Kang Jia Xi.. he has a twin brother called Kang Chen Xi who is already an actor..

We can easier recognise him becos of his long hair and he happens to be friend of my friend's friend.. sound complicated right.. haha.. anyway.. actually I wanted to take his photo secretly but my back is facing him so can't lor.. then my friend is so daring lah.. she called her friend over and told him that she got a friend whose sister likes him and wanted to take a photo with him to show her sister.. funny right.. my friend really can come up with that idea.. anyway he took the photo with us.. haha..

actually his performance in the competition as a whole is not very impressive.. and becos his brother is already in the showbiz.. he will look like an imitation.. difficult to walk out of the shadow.. he must be very good.. but he is not so.. I think he should just conc on his studies.. bad right? like the other twins in the competition.. only one can get into the final and not both..

anyway for the results right.. I am quite satisfied that Germaine Chow got the female champion.. she is really a performer lor.. she don't look stress at all.. unlike the tang shiqian.. who looks so stressed and so worried during the final.. it is shown all over the face lor.. how can.. that's why she never win.. just becos she is cute is not enough..

but as expected Icaru Yuan Shuai won.. his performing segments are good.. and suits him and so he did well.. and he really got many supporters.. but I really don't see how shuai he is..

Try this!

2008-06-20T02:37:00.000+08:00

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Kungfu Panda not my cup of tea..

2008-06-17T03:00:00.002+08:00

I watched Kungfu Panda today.. becos I went to Suntec.. thinking there is a career fair.. but in the end I made a mistake.. it is going to be held in Aug not june.. I must be blur lah.. I should suspect why is a career fair on weekdays.. not enough sleep? maybe.. still up now..

So I went to watch movie at Marina square.. I bought the tix at 2.50pm for a 2.40pm show.. becos it is GV so it will not show on time de.. I was thinking whether I will regret watching Kungfu Panda.. I did.. a bit.. I should watch the 3.20pm The Happening.. maybe more happening than animation.. I don't really find it very funny.. when ppl laugh I don't really laugh out loud leh.. is there a problem with me? maybe.. a lot of things go on in my head.. just don't know who to talk to and how to say.. just keep to myself..

am I too old for this kind of movie? don't know.. maybe I already have an opinion in my head before going in so it's hard to change.. but during the show I did try looking at other things.. that means the storyline not so interesting lor.. but the panda is really cute lah.. with his father.. what a weird combination.. a panda with a goose/duck as father.. genetically speaking.. can this be done?

Kungfu Panda or Sex and the City?

2008-06-10T01:22:00.003+08:00

I chose Sex and the City in the end..

After finishing the assessment centre at Sentosa which I don't know how high my chance to get thru, I went to vivocity to walk walk and decided to watch a movie at GV.. becos my feet are very painful becos of the covered shoes.. stupid.. covered shoes either cut my heel or squeeze my toes.. haha.. I just bought this pair Carlo Rino few days ago.. hai~ it is comfortable and soft at first but after walking some time, my toes can't take it. need place to sit and take off my shoes.. haha..

no movie in mind, I just take a look at the list.. then thinking of watching kungfu panda for a laugh then while queuing up.. I heard the people behind me saying "Kungfu Panda is for kids.. who will watch that?" then I started to change my mind about paying money to watch an animation.. no worth it hor.. so I decided to watch Sex and the City.. haha.. should be more worth the money bah..

I never watch the series before.. I know it is about 4 gals, fashion and sex.. that's all.. haha.. so I am just curious how good this show is.. This movie is actually quite entertaining.. never feel bored and quite funny.. a comedy bah.. but it's really about 4 middle aged women, yup, they have grew old, their other halves, fashion and sex.. don't know how many brands have been raised in the movie.. and I am quite proud of myself that I am able to recognise some of the brands said.. these brands I don't think I can afford now but maybe in the future.. who knows.. haha.. then there is sex, a bit of nudity and some sexual reference in th movie.. there is a code for having sex: colouring.. haha.. sometimes their conversation is just so interesting and funny and intelligent. haha..

The women are pretty with their makeup on.. but not really so without their makeup.. especially Sarah Jessica Parker.. she seems so old and dull without makeup.. makeup can really do wonder.. I like Charlotte acted by Kristin Davis becos she is naive, loud.. yup, scream very loud.. and always so happy and smiling.. she is really beautiful.. she has the most happy and blessed life in the movie.. the worst thing she had is shit in the pants.. haha..

this movie is worth watching.. I think gals will like it. but not sure about guys. haha..

the long awaited Narnia..

2008-06-07T00:29:00.002+08:00

I don't know how long ago I watched the first movie.. can't remember.. is it 2 years ago or more than that.. haha.. anyway.. I think they will need some time to shoot a fantasy movie that is filled with effects bah.. therefore, the sequel take so long to come out but actually not much link between the two movies.. except for the four young actors and animation creatures.. haha..

after watching movie, my first feeling is okay lor.. actually I got nothing to say about this movie.. don't really feel anything about it.. this movie is just purely for watching.. nothing to make you think about or feel something about.. except that when I see the scene of people being sacrificed in war.. I really feel very sad.. I seems to hate war and disasters.. always will make me feel so sad.. and kids in this movie are quite childish in their behaviours and immature in their thinking.. yah yah yah.. they are children so they can be childish.. so I feel this movie is for the kids.. Adults just will watch the effects.. the plot will be too simple for us.. don't really feel the challenge in watching it..

Picking the feathers..

2008-06-06T23:44:00.002+08:00

Many people like to eat bird nest, especially the gals.. as there are theories that say that eating bird nest is good for skin.. make it smooth and healthy.. therefore, I also like.. although I found it similar to jelly.. haha.. just ate a bowl yesterday and one just now.. haha..

these are the only 2 pieces of bird nest that are left in my house.. and I ate half of them.. haha.. pampered yah.. they had been kept for about 7 years in the freezer.. so precious right.. never ate bird nest for 7 years le.. so long hor..

why kept for so long? it is not really becos it is precious.. the main reason is my mother is lazy to pick out the feathers from the bird nest.. quite a lot of them leh.. therefore, if I want to eat, I have to pick lor.. spent about an hour doing that.. haha.. but not so tiring as what my mother say leh.. maybe becos she got lao hua lah.. haha.. and she say I did a good job picking the feathers.. haha.. maybe I should go and do this part-time..
the left bird nest is after picking out the feathers.. the right shows some black feathers caught in the bird nest..

In taiwan, I watched a documentary about the worker who collects bird nest from the dark cave.. which is so dangerous.. with so little safety rope.. climbing up the rocks with bare hands and legs.. and the bird nest that is first obtained is so full of feathers lor.. and they have to pick all the feathers out.. seems like when they are sent here still not very clean and so most of the medicine halls will clean them before selling.. how they do it.. I really don't know.. 7 years ago, my dad bought the bird nest from an importer from Indonesia and so they are not as clean as what people usually bought from the Chinese medicine halls..

bird nest is really ex.. I don't think we can afford it now.. wait till I earn money then see how bah.. but I really wonder how much of the money is given to the workers for their hard labour.. it is really not easy picking feathers lor.. haha..

I behaved like a paparazzi.. haha..

2008-06-03T00:28:00.006+08:00

I had some skin allergy on my arms.. still feeling itchy now.. think need to go to the clinic again tmr..

I went to the clinic today.. hoping to heal my itchiness.. the doc gave me a free cream to apply which seems to be not working well.. hai~ anyway.. I should be talking about my paparazzi experience.. I saw a male contestant of Channel U 唯我独尊 competition.. now I know he is studying in NUS.. which course? I don't know.. you have to go to the mediacorp website to find out.. he is Zhang Zhenhuan.. who is liked by the judges.. I actually also support him becos he is the most decently good looking one among the contestants.. but the problem with him is his stiffness.. maybe he is too nervous at times.. he is not as confident and arrogant as Yuan Shuai Icaru.. sometimes guys need to be very confident and some bad boy look to attract gals and calls.. haha..

when I first saw him in the clinic.. he had his shoes off.. haha.. taking his weight lah.. haha.. I thought I saw the wrongly becos he was having his specs on then the nurse called his name.. sound familiar leh.. haha.. then after that I sat opposite him.. some distance away.. he was talking to his friend while waiting to see doctor.. we see the same doctor.. a coincidence.. he was talking in a strong china accent.. I also sat quite far away.. and I don't want to eavedrop.. haha.. anyway I secretly took some photos of him.. I very naughty right.. haha..
I saw drum sticks in his bag.. must be practising.. for performance?

I saw the doctor 2 people after him.. and when he collects his medicine, I was just there.. then I heard he got sore throat.. haha.. I didn't purposely hear.. it is loud enough for me to hear okay.. then I left the clinic just behind him.. also not on purpose okay.. it's coincidence.. why should I avoid him.. then I went to the NUSSU cblc.. never follow him okay.. after some time.. he was there.. it is really a coincidence.. haha.. not fate but just a coincidence.. if I met him again tmr.. then maybe we are fated to meet.. haha.. just joking yah.. hope his fans don't come kill me.. and I hope if he happens to see my blog.. pls don't be angry that I took your photos without your permission okay.. haha.. but nothing wrong mah.. you are still not an ah ge yet.. hope you have the luck to move on..