I am not forgotten yet:)

I have not made a wrong choice of going to the SCAMP bash this year..

I need a chance to meet up with my old friends and old freshies.. I know I will be quite extra there already.. with so many unfamiliar faces there.. but there are still some familiar faces.. and going with all the lao jiaos make me less of extra.. haha..

It's great to receive hugs from ppl I quite long never meet le.. I am sooo happy and excited to see there.. I really felt the warmth man.. haha.. and we nadir ppl took group photos non-stop yah.. every photo with one additional members we manage to find.. haha..

From 4 ppl to..

The Return of Nadirrrr..

My first and 2nd batch of freshies.. haha..

it has almost been a year since I club already.. haha.. felt so great to be able to club again.. I not too old yet yah.. haha..

and this really brought back the memories of the great time I have in science club...

Come and Leave..

My first friend and maybe my only true friend in office is going to leave.. he just broke the news to me today.. there were reasons.. I think it's the loss of the company.. he is really hardworking.. and he picks up things fast.. I felt sad.. really.. sad.. after he told me the news.. but I think he deserves a better job and company.. who really appreciates him.. I wish him all the best..

I was touched by what he said.. he said that I am his first friend in the company so he has to let me know the news of him leaving.. that is the little warmth that I felt that is sufficient to keep me strong in the cold.. but this warmth going to disappear and can I find warmth from somebody else? I think I can but I just have to be careful.. and not jump into any fire..

My disappointment has grown as time goes by..

Fakeness..

Aren't people tired to be fake? I am.. I can't fake and lie well.. but some ppl can.. and do it very well..

you can say I am not a very trusting person.. so I will suspect whether the person is faking or lying.. I tell myself to believe.. but when I just happen to see the truth, it is just so disappointing.. I rather you say "no, i can't..", "i don't feel like going" and I get the clear message.. it is just so simple.. I dislike ppl lie to me.. give me all the redundant so-called reasons.. what for? I rather you be mean in my face rather then I keeping suspecting.. it's so tiring for everyone..

Tried..

I tried twitter.. set up a account.. following 13 accounts.. have 20 followers and 17 updates.. what do I follow? mostly news.. so latest news updates will appear when I log on.. news from BBC, CNN, channel news asia.. they have flooded my home page.. I also follow some techies to get updates about gadgets.. such as N97.. I haven't have time to read everything.. like I haven't have time to update "what are you doing?".. sometimes I have mental block.. what should I write? I am not interesting at all.. but ppl still follow me.. they just want to increase their followers base.. so they can spam the things that they are marketing.. yes.. twitter is a way to market yourself.. is it effective? for dell.. yes..

I am always curious about things.. twitter is started from the west.. Obama tweets.. the celebrity tweets.. so I must try tooo.. there were so many new phrases that are associated with twitter.. haha.. twitter is really effective in changing the way of communication...

I saw some of friends using Fring to log on to msn using handphone.. so I also went to try it.. Fring allows you to log on to msn, twitter, facebook and many others via 3G, GPRS or WiFi connections.. I trying msn and twitter.. for msn.. only the nickname is shown.. I have a number of friends who don't put their names on their nicknames.. so I have trouble identify them.. I usually identify them by their email add.. for twitter.. the latest updates from the ppl I follow are shown.. and there is a tweet sound when there is a new update.. haha.. quite interesting.. I want to try facebook.. but can't figure out what is facebook userid.. haha.. if anybody knows, please let me know.. I have problem logging on to Fring at home.. something wrong with my wireless.. the connection will easily break off.. so not so useful for me..

I tried friendster, myspace, facebook, twitter.. what's next?

Amused..

Amused by what kind of bad things ppl can say about me.. I don't know whether this person really told me the "true" things that ppl talk about me.. but I just feel these are so ridiculous.. exaggerated.. as I have a bad memory, the first moment that I heard it.. I was thinking whether I did things.. did I? don't think so leh.. anyway.. I was not upset by this.. I was not.. becos I have told myself that this is not important anymore.. I just do my job well.. but if this bad rumour sabotage my work.. I will definitely be angry.. angry not sad.. If you ppl feel happy disturbing me.. I will just be stronger than what you all think.. thinking about it why should I be scared..

At this moment, it is just so amusing.. and so silly..

SPEED!!!

haha.. today went to the gym and saw SPEED's MTV.. it's their latest single.. S.P.D... they are coming back with their new album.. yeah!! so happy.. before Avril, they were my idol.. ya.. even though I don't understand Jap.. I just love their songs.. haha.. sound so crazy.. will buy their album when it comes out in Aug.. haha.. buy not download yah.. haha..

It's cold..

It's cold at work.. not only literally cold but cold in the attitude, cold in the behaviour.. that will be me.. I got nothing much to say..

It's cold at home.. the cold war is still on going.. but who cares? we just can't talk..

Where is the warmth? Maybe only the hot weather out there can keep me warm..

I must be crazy

I must be crazy..

ignoring and avoiding the care and concern from those who really care about me..
but wishing and waiting for the concern from ppl who will never ever care about me..

I should have open up to those want to care about me and give up on those hopeless..

but I am stubborn.. I will not do that now.. maybe I am destined to be alone at this moment..

Sense of achievement..

my sense of achievement will come from teaching my mother English.. we just started the first lesson today.. I am giving my mum free tuition once a week.. I have initiated it and even bought the primary school English books to teach her.. hope I can be a good teacher to her.. haha..

I also restarted my own keyboard lesson after stopping so long.. haha.. I teaching myself how to play keyboard.. don't know how much I can learn.. maybe I will give up very soon.. that's me.. no patience..

The power of my blog..

Didn't know my blog can really upset anyone..

when i started write my blog.. with the title "Really Can't Stand It!".. I have planned to write whatever that is in my mind that I can't stand or can't bear to hold it in my mind any longer.. it is a way to empty my mind.. and this blog will be about myself, what I feel and what I see.. I didn't want to control the way I write and tailor it to be a nice blog.. or reader friendly.. I just wrote what I think.. even though I did exercise some self control.. by not naming the people I talking about.. as I must say I never want anybody to think that i am actually talking about them.. I am just being whiny.. and only me myself will really know what I am talking about.. it is just an one-sided story.. ppl can easily misinterpret what I talking and making things worse..

My blog is up to your interpretations.. and I shall not explain much to you what I am writing even if you ask.. as I can't explain my life to everybody.. maybe I will.. see how important you are to me.. If you are upset by my posts, I must say you are upset by your own interpretation.. it may not be the true meaning of my post.. if you think I am talking about you, just treat it as a coincidence.. or think about it.. are you really behaving totally like what I have described? If it is not 100% then it may not be you.. please don't take my blog personally..

So am i unhappy? maybe I was.. I have high tendency to be unhappy but not now anymore.. becos I was enlightened by 2 people whom I want to thank.. they have been truthful to me.. made me recognize my faults and shortcomings.. and the reality of the working world.. I think pretending that nothing is wrong, and pushing my luck is no use now.. I can't be always thick skin and think everybody can accept my way.. I just have to change.. and now i know what i need to change.. I will try and let's see how things will go..