Hate

I really hate myself to be so enthu sometimes.. what am I doing? nobody will appreciate it..

Maybe I just should concentrate on studying and not think of anything..

it's difficult to get ppl think like you.. very difficult.. last time I am also like that.. I have passed the phase so I am so slack now.. and I am not able to get back the drive anymore.. or should I say the nerdiness when I think of nothing but studying.. too many stuff going round my head now..

I really need support but I think this is really difficult to get.. maybe I looking for it in the wrong place..

Really hate things change in the way you least expected it..

I am tired and disappointed.. I should just go back to my old self 3 years ago..

Learn to grow up..

last fri I met some of the ppl from sow 05 comm.. sheena, alicia, shuhui, frances, ryan and weidong met us later.. we have bk for dinner at the central.. then walked to clark quay to find a pub to drink.. all of them have started working liao lor.. except me.. the "school gal".. some of them have changed.. becoming more pretty.. new hairstyle new fashion sense.. maybe becos they have started working so have to wear something different liao.. not like a student..

we drank beer and chatted at Brewerks.. I actually saw that it was quite late already.. 12 plus.. and wanted to go home.. ryan offered to send me home.. but I still don't want to stay out till late.. I never being out late before without my father sending me home.. maybe is becos I never tried to stay out late before.. so don't dare.. don't want my parents to be unhappy.. don't know what they will think.. but the rest still wanted to stay on to chat and asked me not to worry too much.. maybe I just should try to stay out late once then my parents will understand I have grew up liao.. they cannot tie me down liao.. I actually still felt insecure.. but I just stayed on.. since I have no bus home liao.. I even called my mum to tell her I will be very late..

then we chatted until 2 plus.. and ryan sent me home.. (thank you ryan! hee..) when I got home they are already asleep.. okay I think my father got woke up a bit when I open the door then he go back to sleep liao.. no words from him or mum.. not even the next day.. they didn't ask me anything or nag about anything.. to me is surprise lah.. actually I am the one who think too much.. actually they are not as strict as I think.. as long as I am safe.. got someone send me home.. they will be okay with it.. now I finally know..

Laptop didn't come easy..

the last post and this have been done using my new laptop.. Yeah! I finally bought a laptop this mon.. has been thinking of this for 2 years already.. but my father didn't want me to buy.. he says it is not necessary to spend so much money to buy.. okay.. maybe I did not really need it last year.. but this year I am so much more busy liao.. I think a laptop is really necessary. I can have access to internet and com everywhere I go.. no need to always go cblc.. where I sometimes need to queue.. and the 4-plus-year-old desktop in my house is so slow liao.. sometimes really felt frustrated by its slowness.. rather than changing to a new desktop.. why not get a new laptop right..

this laptop really didn't come easy.. I have to explain to my parents how much I really need a laptop and I have to borrow money from my mother to buy it and I promised to return the money to her when I start to work.. just when I thought I finally succeeded to persuade them.. then I had a quarrel with them last week.. becos they really unhappy that I still involved in sci club activity.. always going out.. then not enough rest.. I didn't always go to sci club events lor.. just that two weeks ago.. thurs I went to watch movie with friends then fri went to prof's house for a farewell party and then sat got alive.. they are just very unhappy that I have so much activities.. it is just a coincident mah.. it is very rare that ppl ask me out mah.. just nice that week got so many.. haha..

then I not very happy that they nagged at me about it.. don't give me freedom to do what I want so I threw my temper and even ask my father to stop the car and I get out and stomped home.. yup, I was in my father's car and we are on our way to breakfast, not far from house.. I very very very bad hor.. but I just don't know why I do it.. maybe I really lack of rest and feeling stressed from studies.. excuses again.. haha.. okay.. I agree that I am really a unfillial child.. my father really very angry with me lor.. he even wrote a letter to me.. telling me how disappointed he is.. okay.. it's my fault.. if he continues angry with me.. I would not be able my laptop anytime soon.. so I apologised lor.. thru sms.. becos he will not want to talk to me.. I told him how remorseful I am and how sorry I felt and the cold war did stopped on that day.. luckily.. hey.. I didn't apologise just becos I want to get a laptop okay.. I really felt bad for my action lor.. and I don't want the cold war to last too long..

when I finally get the permission to buy.. I went to coop then the person there told me that there is no more stock for the acer model.. oh my goodness.. why am I so unlucky de.. was it becos I wore black that day.. it was not my lucky colour.. strange right.. I actually thought of that.. haha.. listen too much to the fortune teller.. therefore, I had to pay a $20 deposit and wait lor.. the person said the stock will come in 1 week's time.. but it actually come the next day.. aiyoo.. I thought it will take some time.. didn't know so fast. made me worry so much ..

using the laptop also has its troublesome way.. its quite heavy.. so I really dread to carry it to sch and back home sometimes.. makes my bag so heavy.. and when I start to use it, I have to install in the programs that I will need.. a bit waste time also.. and I need to transfer some files from my desktop to it also.. okay lah.. these are just some small complaints.. overall I am still happy can liao.. hee..

busy busy busy tired tired tired..

Hello..
it has been so long that I never update my blog.. it has been one month..

yup.. a lot of things have happened.. I still remembered less than one month ago.. I am more free and people are always asking me.. "Hey! your fyp still haven't started yet yah? so late haven't start?", "you seem so free..", "still wearing shorts (or skirts)? you must be haven't start lab right.." when I heard all these.. I will feel a bit embarrassed.. am I so slack? I'm not.. just that the chemicals had not come and the prof haven't gave me instructions mah.. how to start.. I was also worried that I start late also..

now that my lab has started.. I become so busy.. I have to go lab on my free time and free days and cope with my other assignments.. lab reports, marketing assignments.. when they come tog.. it is really disaster for me.. last weekend and this week, I never sleep much lor.. slept at 3 or 4 plus am for most of the days.. am I a robot? even a robot, also cannot overwork lor.. I really hope that I can go back to the time I was so free.. so sad.. it will not happen.. I just have to bear with all this until next year lor.. mid term break has started but I still have to go sch almost everyday next week to do lab lor.. I decided to take a break today.. don't want to touch sch work at all.. I know I should not be so slack at all.. but I don't care! I slept to 2pm today and then at 5 plus I slept again to 6 plus.. haha.. see how tired I am.. the night before I also slept at 4 plus am lor.. to finish my slides for yesterday presentation..

yah.. I did a presentation yesterday about my honour project progress during group meeting.. what makes up the group? My supervisors, my mentor and the rest who are lab officers, grad students, research fellows working in the same lab.. my sup is their boss.. quite nervous lor.. so at the beginning, I did say wrongly some stuff.. some words didn't pronounce properly.. hee.. then the prof shoot me questions.. and the first qn, I didn't ans to the question.. I understand his qn but I don't know how to ans becos I never consider that at all.. then I try to smoke thru lor.. hee.. but he says that I am not answering his qn at all.. haha.. okay I give up.. I just be honest and say I never think of that lor.. subsequently, he pointed out some other things that I need to consider in my experiment.. quite useful lor.. when the presentation ended.. I feel so much relax.. haha.. no matter how it goes.. I still feel good abt it.. hee.. and my other supervisor, an ang moh, even says my presentation is quite good leh.. haha..

doing lab work is actually quite interesting.. but I still cannot do it independently.. still need my mentor's help and and supervision.. becos some of the techniques I am not familiar.. even the washing of glasswares also need techniques de lor.. need to rinse with water, then use soap and brush, wash and rinse with acetone.. then put in oven.. haha.. not very easy lor.. even brush also need to do it in the right way.. haha..