A good lot..

Yesterday, I went to the si ma lu guanyin temple.. my mum suggested that we go pray.. becos she is actually very worried about my jobseeking.. scared I jobless for too long and no money yah.. she is very concerned about money issue lah..

Acually, from this outing with my mum, I found that my relationship with my parents is quite strained.. last time, I will talk to my mum about anything.. yah.. basically everything that happens to me.. becos we are close and she will listen.. yes.. she will listen.. but now? she don't listen to me at all.. when I want to share something with her about my photography field trip on sun.. about the fun I had.. she is not interested at all.. and always try to divert the conversation to other topics.. why is she like that? becos she thinks my nightmares the previous night is caused by my field trip on the forest trail from the alexandra bridge to the henderson wave.. it is ridiculous.. yes.. my nightmares were quite bad.. two which were so scary that I cried twice during my sleep.. don't know why leh.. it is really scary.. I never tell her the details of my nightmares.. becos one of them is about her bullying me.. haha.. funny right.. she also appear in my dream..

I had been quite depressed and really about my relationship with my parents which has been affecting me so much.. that somebody says I am not looking happy at all.. I don't know why.. I just can't find the strength to smile a lot.. some people can just smile.. and they find it tiring to look serious.. but I am the other way round.. I like the feeling of smiling but it just don't happen frequent.. I know it does not happen frequent at home now.. becos my parents are all forcing their ideas on me.. they already know that I will not listen to them.. but they just to say them over and over.. even if I have threw my temper becos of what they say.. they just want to say it.. and they really hope that I do what they like and say what they like to listen.. then how can I share anything with them.. how can I talk to them.. I can only say things that they like to listen.. but will I be happy? will I? and they always potray me as someone else which is not me at all.. misunderstand me.. I just give up and don't talk to them much..

like a few days ago.. I fell down becos I slipped on a pool of oil in the lift.. I thought that is just a pool of water.. never expect that to be oil.. and I just stepped on it and slipped.. luckily I landed near the door which does not has much oil.. but I did dirtied my clothes a bit.. then just have to return home to change to go out again.. once I stepped into the door.. my mother just scolded me for being so careless.. why I have to enter while I see a pool on the floor.. how I manage to fall while I am so young.. does she means that young ppl can't fall down.. can't have careless moments.. can't just be unlucky? must she nag at me repeatedly.. and just stand there and never show any concern whether I hurt myself at all.. I am totally angry and disappointed.. why my mum is like that? am I an only child? am I pampered at all? some interviewers see that I am only child and first thing they are afraid that I am pampered.. and will not be hungry for sales at all.. but am I? that is a misconception.. I am hungry to show my parents that I can do something not my major and do it well! I will show them de!

I really felt very sad and depressed.. I just try to sleep it off.. maybe my bad memory will throw these unhappiness away.. makes me not to think about it again.. becos I can't remember! but it happens almost everyday so it is difficult to forget! I just bottle it up somewhere inside me..

anyway.. that is just another unhappy complain I have.. here is the good news.. I drew a good lot yesterday.. seems to be the best lot.. it says something good will happen that means I will get my job soon and I will be contented.. it is a good sign.. and I just received a phone call just now that I need to go to the signage company for a final discussion on fri and that will decide whether I can work there.. I am really keen to work there.. I can work as a project executive.. not chemistry related at all and there is some designing related as this company do designs of signs.. I should be happy to work there.. so hope the discussion goes well!