Colleague or friend?

I have one colleague who always use this phrase: "We can only be colleagues, and not friends." She told this to everyone.. even to those closer colleagues.. and I sort of agree to it now..

I asked another colleague just now whether we can have friends in office.. and he said that we can have friends but it is just another category of friends.. different from those we have outside.. why and how different? he just say that certain things we can say to outside friends but not to office friends.. yup.. backstabbing can so easily occur in office.. even a slip of the mouth may cause some harm.. so everyone is guarded..

just like in uni.. we have many categories of friends.. lowest level is hi-bye friends whom our conversation only involve "Hi! How are you? Got to go.. Bye! Cya!!" then course friends whom we say more than a hi and bye.. will talk about our own course.. then closer study gang or friends whom we will take many modules together and discuss more than studies and then our close friends whom we will go graduation trip with and even maintain contact now after graduation...

Office friends just end on the level of course friends or the higher level will be study gang but is just those whom we will not talk less of personal things.. and these kind of friends are quite rare.. I know of friends who has even closer friends in workplace like those working in labs or places where most of their colleagues are about the same age as them.. lucky for them.. but not for me..

in my office.. I still prefer the phrase "colleagues" to call most people and not "friends".. like I the way i treat course friends as course mates or classmates.. "friends" is reserved for those one or two whom i see worth..

Beware of the MRT serial toucher..

I seldom take train to work.. unless my colleague is not free to fetch us.. and I usually will take bus.. and 2 days ago.. I took train to expo.. and that morning, the train is as usual quite packed.. but there are still some loose spaces for standing.. then I was standing somewhere the door.. a guy suddenly squeeze to the space right behind me.. standing quite close to me.. his hand was holding on to his backpack which is slinged on one of his shoulder.. actually I was quite puzzled by his action.. there is so much space on the other side.. why must he squeeze here? I thought he may be getting off the next stop but he didn't..

on the train, it's quite natural that you will swing slightly by the jerking of the train.. okay.. the first time, the back of his hand seems to be touching my butt.. I was wearing jeans.. I thought it was accidental.. so never think much about it.. then there is a 2nd time and then a 3rd time.. okay.. I am slow yah.. I finally realise it is not accidental so shift my position further from him.. and he immediately change his target by turning around to face the other side.. my friends told me that I should have shouted at him and stared at him.. and not be a silent victim.. haha.. I think I dare to do this lah.. I just can quietly suffer lor..

I continue observing him from the reflection of the train window.. and I think he also touched another women who turn back to look at his hand.. the man pretended nothing happen and just an ordinary passenger.. he continued to look around to look for his next target.. I wanted to take a photo of him but can't seem to have the chance to take it secretly.. haha.. anyway he is about mid 20s and is wearing his company blue polo tee (j*** engineering) and blue jeans.. I think that is his typical working attire so can easily identify if you ever see him..

after a few stops, he walked to the next compartment of the train where I think he saw his next target..

it is not the first time I saw a bo liao pervert.. last year.. there was another guy who wanted to take photo up my skirt on a escalator.. but his handphone happened to touh my leg so I spotted him and he immediately run up the escalator and escaped.. therefore I have been very careful now if I wear a short skirt..

Where is my old self?

Where is that only child, independent, loner attitude?

I used to be a loner.. i wanted to be a loner and I distaste those people who always follow decision that is made by their friends.. they need to follow their friends wherever they go.. even the schools they go.. to be always together.. I used to be so until early uni.. but I have changed.. changed under circumstances.. under the influence of my environment and the people i know.. now i don't like to go back to loner anymore.. and I become more dependent on my friends.. to be honest, I can't live life without friends anymore.. I am not happy doing things alone.. so sad..

last time i also have many friends.. but they are just friends.. my priorities are my parents and studies.. I can just find things to do even without friends.. so I became a loner.. I could have very close friends but I set up an invisible wall to block them away from my inner self.. I dislike people to get too close to me so follow me wherever I go.. it's like no freedom and so they went to be close friends with other people and they are even closer now.. and me.. ended up with no close friends at all..

I can say i have 1 or 2 close friends now.. but they are never the ones whom I will share things with every moment.. we only meet up once in a while to update each other on the happenings.. I seem so sociable.. so many friends but I am just so empty inside.. I tried to open my heart to people whom I thought can be my close friends but they are just not interested.. I am just bad in judging people.. am I too reserved and too choosy in choosing friends? I think I am..

I sort of give up now.. I will treasure what I have now.. and I should be going back to my old self.. just be happy with doing things alone.. one person can also enjoy and of course spending time with people who are sincerely true friends will be even better.. just one or two will be sufficient..

I am an unhappy person..

I think I am the person with the problem.. I think too much into things and people.. I should just take things easy and not be too serious in handling everything.. I think i need to learn.. becos i have think too much.. with all the negative thinkings i have become more unhappy.. I like to guess what others are doing.. assuming what they are thinking and why they behaving in certain ways.. I have my own opinions but that does not mean is truely happening in the minds of others.. I have over think things..

I hate myself for that.. all the unhappiness is rooted from myself.. others are just being themselves.. I can't force them to do whatever that I feel confortable.. if they don't feel like talking to me, i can't force them to do so.. everybody has their own ways of living their life.. and I can't make everyone my friends if they just don't want to be.. and I should not have accomodate myself to fit into their circle if it is not suitable for me at all.. there is give and take.. if I want to gain the friendship and trust of a group of people, I will certainly face the loss of another group of friends.. everyone has their own standard of judging people.. and I can't be a person that can fit every standards.. I just have to accept that fact..

I just have to.. to be a happy person..

Yeah! I have passed!!

I have passed my driving test last tues.. haha.. finally.. after spending $2000 plus on driving.. didn't calculate the amount until someone asked me about it.. I didn't know I will spend so much.. and is capable of spending so much.. haha.. hope that I am not so poor after this.. anyway.. the driving test is not easy yah.. before that it was raining so heavily then it finally stopped just before my test.. then the tester came late.. I was the last to start my test.. and I have 16 demerit points.. 8 for turning when the green arrow is blinking.. I didn't even notice that.. haha.. then the rest are for driving to slowly or fail to check for safety.. anyway.. like what my friend says demerit points doesn't matter.. becos I have passed.. I haven't tried driving after passing.. hope to do it soon.. if not I will definitely forget everything.. and I already have my triangle plates standby.. haha.. and I got them for free.. shhh.. hee...

I also passed my probation period.. finally 6 months are over.. and I get my pay rise!!! yeah!! this also means I have to work harder yah.. no more honeymoon.. work has started to pile up.. and I just have to love them.. haha..