Am I an easy target?

If you enjoy being fierce to me, I don’t enjoy it at all..

If you feel nothing about embarrassing me in front of ppl, I did feel something..

If you think I look so toot that I am an easy target for bully, you are wrong..

If you think I am in bad mood, am I? I just trying to be emotionless and lie low.. and being busy has given me the excuse to do that.. I think I never even show my true bad mood yet..

If you think I am just thinking too much, that means you are thinking too little.. have you ever think about what you have done? Maybe it is not your business at all.. why did I come near in the first place?

If you are feeling jealous, I can’t stop it.. as I am just being myself.. I am doing what I think is right and I have my ways.. and it’s just my fate and luck that I am what I am now..

If you did it on purpose to provoke me, to teach me a lesson, I think you succeeded.. I really did learn something.. I should not have become your "no choice".. I thought I am something, but seems like I am nothing to you.. I am thankful for all you have done for me, truely thankful.. you may not appreciate what I done at all.. and may not remember.. it is still my own choice.. nobody force me..

I am also sorry if my problems become your problems.. I just didn't know I am such a pain in the ass..

If you didn't keep my secrets at all, I don't blame you becos it is my own fault to disclose them to you.. but don't worry, I don't believe in taking revenge although my mind is telling me to do that.. I will not tell others what I know about you..

I should have listen to my parents and friends earlier.. I should have.. it’s too late now and I was too stubborn.. I believed that there were still some chances.. there should be.. but seems like I am wrong.. and seems like I just like to appear and do the wrong things at the wrong time.. maybe I am really toot..

I just so not used to the true cold and complicated human world.. maybe.. others feel the same way about me too.. not maybe.. high chance it will..

To all my friends out there, I really miss you..

Busy and tired but happy :)

yah.. my work has started to get more busy.. can't slack anymore yah.. more challenging and more exciting.. haha.. there are really so much things to learn now.. I just need to absorb as much as possible and do my things properly.. problems will most likely to have.. unavoidable.. so it will depend on how I handle them.. can't give up yah..

just had my birthday last sun.. not much of celebration.. my parents not in town.. went to malaysia for qing ming.. I never join them becos travel to and fro too tiring.. so stay in Singapore and went out with my friend.. this friend has been so nice yah.. willing to come out with me.. even though very busy and tired.. and gave me a movie treat.. haha.. thankz man.. you are a great friend!

anyway.. my parents not with me on my birthday but we had a dinner together on the thurs for a early birthday celebration.. haha.. with my vouchers, we ate at cafe swiss at swissotel.. to be honest, if we don't have the $120 vouchers, we will not be eating there.. I have tried my best to choose one of the lowest priced restaurant there.. but in the end I still need to top up $60.. haha.. so ex right.. there's fine dining mah with good services.. which all of us are not used to yah.. but at least the meal is filling.. delicious? okay lah.. except that my mum says the lamb is a bit tasteless without the sauce.. haha.. and my steak is a bit burnt.. the appetiser goose liver with apple not bad.. we first time ate goose liver leh.. so sua gu.. haha.. we called the set meal.. so everyone can order 2 dishes.. each of us ordered a main course: salmon fillet, steak and lamb.. in addition a appetiser, a minestrone soup and a chocolate cake dessert which we shared.. they also give free flow of breads.. I don't think we will go there again unless we have vouchers becos it is really too ex for the whole family.. but I heard citibank credit card has 50 % discount but don't know it is valid till when..

the happy family at dinner..

goose liver with apple..

My mum's salmon fillet..

my beef steak..

Lamb meat and my dad's big tummy.. haha..

Chocolate cake with vanilla ice cream and apricot

I want to thank all those who have wished me happy birthday thru sms, msn or facebook.. you are the ones who make me not feeling alone in this world.. and thankz for the presents.. no matter what they are, I will treasure them :)

Get the taste of HIV..

Saw this video on MTV Asia while exercising.. this commercial is really interesting.. passing your chewing gum is just like passing HIV virus.. Do the young ppl now have the habit of chewing gum that others have chew before? I saw the same kind of scene in Nick and Norah's infinite playlist.. Is that the current culture?

it is just an ordinary gum but you never know the danger that it brings. you never know who or how many ppl have chew it before.. just like you never know who your sexual partner has sex before.. HIV may unknowingly be passed to you.. and you tasted it..

Trying to forget..

I have been searching hard for the causes of the situation that have been quite disturbing to me.. I feel frustrated by the unfairness.. what did I do to cause the bad impression? I have been too loud.. asked too much and talked too much.. but am I really asking too much and talking too much? I don't really think so.. I am just doing what I think is right.. am I too naive to think that I can act differently from the norm? I know this is unacceptable by the general group but I just want to change ppl's idea.. but seems like I am the one who pull all the eyes and trouble on myself.. I have to be careful.. now I understand why certain ppl will behave in a certain way.. I just have to learn to be like them.. but this is so not me..

Never make a wrong choice..

watched Suspect X.. It is a good movie! The twist at the end really caught me unexpected..

How did the murderers get such a perfect alibi and evidence? they were at the murder scene.. how can they appear at the cinema? there were many questions but the ending has explained everything.. Is the mathematician such a genius? he really is.. but I still don't agree the extent he goes to help the murderers.. innocent ppl should not be sacrificed to be "the gear of the clockwork".. no matter how unimportant he is to the society.. but the physicist is a genius too.. to solve something that even the police can't solve.. logic was used to cover up the crime and it was also used to solve the crime.. but it is interesting.. who will know scientists are also good in committing and solving crime.. haha..
I also watched The Reader.. it is a really sad movie.. War movie again.. haha.. nevermind the nudity and affair in the beginning.. the main drama of the story came at the 2nd half.. the war crime trial for the unforgivable and unavoidable sin that is committed during the war by sending jews to death to make space for the newcomers in the concentration camp.. the shame of being illiterate that caused Hanna to go to great extent to keep this secret.. the strong desire to learn reading and writing by listening to the stories read by the reader.. and lastly the suicide to end everthing.. this story is very sad and touching.. the love was so strong that it turned to hatred.. and this hatred in the end was resolved by the love that still remained..

I felt different this time..

This is a different experience from others.. I really enjoy this interaction.. and I am starting to miss it.. Will there be a chance again? I'm not sure but I am positive.. I will be lucky :)

Many many movies..

Last month I have watched so many movies..

Firstly is red cliff part 2.. it is again a showcase of how clever Zhuge Liang and Zhou Yu are.. and how courageous the rest of the generals are and how dumb Cao Cao has become for starting and also delay the attack for a woman he is smitten with.. I still hate war with so many innocent soldiers and citizens being killed just becos of the "big plans" the generals have.. is it really worth it? exchanging lives for land and power..

second is Valkyrie.. the plot is so forgettable.. and has no impact at all.. what I can remembered is that tom cruise's character, Colonel Claus von Stauffenberg, was involved in a anti-Hitler plan with some German army officers.. he was the key plotter and the executor of the plan to assassinate Hitler.. and he wants to use Operation Valkyrie to take control of Berlin but the plan is so badly planned with so many loopholes and so many incooperative and untrustable officers are invloved.. the support is not there.. and how can it be successful.. Hitler was not dead and they are executed in the end..

third is Slumdog Millionaire.. it is a touching story which many people who have watched it will agree.. it is about an india boy who is so lucky in the sense that he won the Indian's version of "Who wants to be a Millionaire?".. how he manage to answer all the qns.. is he so intelligent and well read? not really.. he just happened to have a good memory.. who can remember clearly what he experienced in his life.. and all the qns seem to fit in to his life.. how he jumped into the shit hole to see his idol and get his signature.. how his mother was killed by the anti-muslim indians.. how he got adopted and nearly blinded by the gangsters.. how he lived a unstable life with his bad brother.. no matter how bad and money minded the brother is, he still love and care for his younger brother.. and how he always searching for his love and won't give up when he is faced with so many obstacles.. will a slumdog always be a slumdog? Can't a slumdog be a millionaire? Can't a slumdog have dream and find love? Does a slumdog have to stay bullied by the gangsters forever? This story has brought hope to all the people living in slums.. why will they be so interesed in watching "Who wants to be a Millionaire?" becos they can have dream.. dream to win big bucks to leave the slum.. like the person who won the contest.. it can be done.. and the dream of the producers and crews of this movie has come true.. this movie is well-received and has won many Oscar Awards..

Fourth is The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. People always regret about things that have passed and done and hope that time can turn back and things can reverse and happen differently but will it give a better result? may not be so.. this movie is about seeing life going reverse in a different perspective.. but no matter which direction life goes.. the natural processes are still unavoidable.. Benjamin may in the appearance be opposite to the ppl his age.. his thinking and behaviour are still naturally the same as ppl his age.. some things are just unavoidable.. its a cycle.. no matter how you reverse.. you will still meet the point in the cycle.. although the movie is very long, I am not really bored at all as the movie is quite well paced and I will be curious to know what will happen next in benjamin's life till his death as a baby.. the make up and special effects used to make Brad Pitt and Cate Blanchett look young and old are really impressive..
Fifth is Departures.. Oscar's best foreign language film.. it is a simple story but is interesting enough to keep you awake in the wee hours.. I cried a lot while watching this movie becos it involved too many deaths and it is so sad to see the grieving family members of the dead.. every cases were so touching.. you will be touched by the determination of the protagonist to carry on to be the encoffinment professional even though he is faced with the objection of his wife and people around him.. becos death is a big taboo.. a person who has to touch so many dead people is usually not so well liked by others.. but this movie has showed how meaningful this job actually is.. these professionals make sure that your love ones leave this world with a pretty and peaceful appearance which stay true to who they are.. no matter how you may hate a person, when he is gone, the hatred will also be gone and you will only be faced with the regret that how things can have turned out before the life ends.. it's always so..