There is still hope..

last 2 weeks have been quite disappointing for me.. not only becos of the poor response from job applications and also some other things..

I never feel so helpless and powerless.. where is the power I used to have? is it me or is it them? Is it becos I not really impt.. or the rest not impt.. what is the point of having orientation? just to have friends on the surface? just for studies? close friends not really.. yah.. when do og lasts? we only spend a week or so together than after that? If we are in the same course.. if we are in the same cca.. we will stay tog.. maybe only.. how can bf and friends of a few years compared to a week or so? even if we the first friends that we meet in uni.. is it significant enough?

I am thinking.. through my four years in uni.. I have so many friends.. even more than many other people.. so should I go and care about all these ppl.. should I? should I put in so much efforts? but I never care about the return.. becos I just don't like the feeling of being left out.. being pangsei.. being blur blur in uni.. I being thru all these.. so I want to help.. I don't want ppl to suffer like me.. so maybe I should just think that it is the orientation system problem.. or the mentality of the youngsters have changed.. they know clearly what is impt to them and nobody can easily change their mind, unless you are somebody impt to them.. I assume this is the reason becos it happens to many other groups too.. not only mine..

so what is an outing if somebody say that you all can have it without me.. anyway.. I not so impt.. or should I say it doesn't hurt me or you if I don't go.. by putting it bluntly.. it quite sad to hear that.. I will feel really sad.. what friends is this? therefore it has been a long time since I organise a gathering.. I used to be enthubut not now.. I tried again.. but it was disappointing so I don't think I want to try again.. I rather go out alone.. or just a few friends..

okay.. now that everything is over.. my last official sci club event is over.. if I am invited.. I may consider.. I have no more reason to go back to sch.. so I no need to face anything.. I just have to concentrate on my job applications which I have sent out quite a number... got interviews coming up so no more worries.. there is hope!! and I can have time for my hobbies.. watch videos, blogging, take photos, reading up on designing, go gym and learn dance! yah.. I signed up for a hip hop class at the sports complex near my house.. really enjoy it.. don't want to have stiff shoulder anymore and can be more flexible and expressive.. hopefully.. haha..

I am enjoying life.. I really am.. haha..