Nothing's more fulfilling..

Nothing's more fulfilling than waking up early to eat breakfast with my parents.. how long have I not eat breakfast with them? I can't recall.. Our usual breakfast place has changed with new renovation and new stalls.. and I only realise this today.. I am a bad daughter right.. always sleep late and never eat breakfast with them..

I see age has grown on them.. they have changed to be more sensitive and I can't be more understanding and keep avoiding their concerned questions and nag.. which is also my reason to avoid eating with them.. I am damn bad and rude.. why can't I be more understanding? and I can't handle their "concerns" properly.. I just like to be impatient and throw my temper on them.. Why? I just don't like them to enter my private world.. and true.. not only them.. not many people can..


Nothing's more fulfilling than reading a touching Christmas story on The Sunday Times' Special supplement.. It's really touching.. I just can't help feeling emotional after reading it.. It is written by Chew Chia Shao Wei, the winner of 2009 Commonwealth Essay Competition.. This story is not the winning entry.. but it did show her talent in essay writing.. If you have the newspaper.. please go and read it..

Below is her winning essay.. "Unlikely Friends".. it's simple and heartwarming..

THERE was something vaguely sad about the rock. It was as old as it looked, standing weathered and lonely amidst the stretch of sand, and its thoughts were quiet as it listened to the waves.

The wide unconquerable sea touched the edges of the land like a curious animal in the way it rolled forward eagerly onto the shore. It left the land unwillingly, pulling as it went, grasping for what it could. The sand in the shallow water swirled.

The sea was no stranger to the rock on the beach. The sea came often to the rock, rushing up wetly against its warm grey, and always as it swept away it took an infinitesimal part of the rock with it. The rock had known the waves for a long time, and learned it was in its nature to erode.

One day, the sunlight on the rock was interrupted by a brief darkness in the blurred shape of a bird. The rock, interested, observed the bird winging its way uncertainly about the sky, then landing, presently, on the very rock that wondered about it.

'Where am I?' said the bird, largely to itself, as it gripped the surface of the dark grey rock with its feet and peered out at the sea.

'What are you?' countered the rock.

'I am a bird,' said the bird in surprise.

'You are a rather rude sort of bird,' the rock pointed out calmly. 'I was enjoying the sun when you came and blocked some of it from me.'

Birds exist for a very short while in comparison to rocks, and have less time to develop the exceptional serenity that rocks possess. The bird hopped from one foot to another, flapping its white wings in annoyance.

'You are a big, stupid rock!' the bird cried, its beak clicking irately. 'Funny you should feel so important, when one of these days you will have been reduced by the sea to a tiny grain of sand!'

'Yes,' agreed the rock, surprising the bird yet again, 'I shall feel rather sad when that day comes.'

'Wait, no - you are confusing me - we are in the middle of an argument!'

'I made a comment, and you responded rather explosively, after which I shared with you a private thought in concurrence with something you had said. That was not an argument at all.'

The bird paused mid-hop, disgruntled. 'Well, you are a very well-spoken rock,' it conceded, 'and not at all stupid; I'm sorry.'

The rock hummed peaceably in response and returned to its own thoughts. The bird, feeling wholly ignored, allowed itself to settle down on its newfound perch, and examined mentally the conversation that had just taken place.

Some time passed before the bird spoke again, hesitantly, as if now remembering its manners and unwilling to intrude upon the rock again.

'Rock, will you truly end up one day as nothing more than a grain of sand?'

'I expect so,' the rock rumbled. 'The sea works at me constantly, you know.'

'Is that awfully sad?' asked the passionate bird, who, while given to tempers, was intrinsically kind-hearted.

'Only to those who care,' the rock admitted, 'only to me.'

The bird was deeply moved by this, by the loneliness of the rock and the seeming inevitability of its fate. The bird considered the situation, and felt it must do something to aid the rock. Although their acquaintance had gotten off to a bad start, the bird found it rather liked the warm, rough rock, and was unwilling to leave it alone to the hunger of the sea.

'I care,' volunteered the bird, 'I will do something to help you, rock, if you will let me.'

'No,' said the rock, laughing in a way that did not mock the bird. 'Don't waste your time.'

But the bird had found a cause.

'I am your friend now, rock,' it said, and the rock was touched.

'You are just a bird,' the rock said, 'and you will be able to do nothing.'

The bird did not disagree. 'I will try.'

Over the next few days, the bird tried a variety of ways to get the rock out of harm's way. It started with simple pushing, which had proved futile, and progressed to increasingly creative ideas. On the eighth day, the bird had looped several lengths of seaweed around its friend, in the hopes of being able to pull it further up the shore.

The rock had never observed with much significance the passing of the days, and entire years blurred in its long memory, but this had been a week that would stand out forever. The frustration, the laughter, and the gratitude that the rock had experienced along with the bird would be preserved as colour images amidst a wash of sepia recollections.

The time had come, however, to begin to dissuade the bird of its altruistic notions, lest it exhaust itself with the efforts of the fruitless undertaking.

Bird was picking the rope of seaweed up in its mouth for the seventh time that day when the rock addressed it.

'I do thank you for your efforts,' it began, 'but I am beginning to feel that this was a hopeless enterprise. I know you have expended much energy over it, and it has not gone unappreciated, but perhaps we must stop here.'

The bird dropped the end of the seaweed and made to protest, but the rock would not allow it.

'You have been a faithful friend, but it seems that here I am and here I will remain. The sea works slowly, and I have much time left yet. One day, I will be sand on the beach, but the idea does not bother me so much now.'

The rock did not add that through getting to know the bird, it had realised exactly how much more ephemeral was the life of the bird, and begun to feel selfish for being unsatisfied with the idea of eventually ending up a small grain of sand.

'Let us abandon this pursuit, and instead look to happier things,' the rock ended, hoping to mollify the bird. In truth, it was unsure that the bird, now robbed of his cause, would stick around for much longer, and the thought made it feel a shiver of unhappiness.

The bird, wordlessly, began the task of unwrapping the seaweed it had covered the rock in. There was resignation in its wingtips. When it had finished, it glanced at the rock with which it had spent eight sun-drenched days, then flapped slowly into the distant sky.

The rock watched it go.

The beach was blanketed by night when the rock once again felt the feet of the bird sharp against its surface.

'I am sticking around,' the bird told the rock, 'so you won't forget me, even when you are just a grain of sand.'

The rock said nothing, but it was happy.

The years moved on, then, like they always had. The rock stayed in the same place even as the world changed around the little beach, and the bird, going off frequently on expeditions to see the world, returned always to the rock it had met so long ago.

'Tell me a story,' the rock asked the bird once, as it landed lightly.

'But you are so old and wise, no story would interest you,' teased the bird. It was older now, and it knew ever so much more about the world.

The rock chuckled, and the bird complied. 'I will tell you about the strange things I saw the last time I flew past these cliffs...'

Sometimes, it was the bird that asked for the story.

'The earth was young once,' the rock would begin, in a vivid story of the colours of the wind.

And always, imperceptibly, the years moved on - like they always had.

One morning, a long, long time from the day the bird and the rock had first met, the rock was abruptly aware of a different quality to the day. There was something in the air, maybe, or something about the sea, or the sand - the rock was uncertain, but something was different and wrong. The colours felt wrong, for instance, the sky felt green and the sand was turning white, and the sea when it touched the rock felt hot and cold and hot again.

'Bird...'

That was a strange thing for the rock to do, for it never spoke aloud when it was alone. But it called out anyway, tentatively, 'Bird... Bird...'

The word was snatched away by the wind, but it seemed to echo in the dark beach. The rock was very still, and began to feel something it had never before felt: fear. It spread slowly and coldly like the pink sun rising softly over the horizon, and the rock found that it knew that its friend the bird had died.

'How and why,' the rock murmured numbly to itself, to the sand, to the sea. 'How and why and how and why and why. Goodbye, goodbye, oh, goodbye.' So saying, it slipped gently asleep.

The bird never returned, just as the rock never again expected it to. The rock became silent once more, unused to conversation as it had once been. Its thoughts were numerous but never aired now, and frequently, it thought of its dearest friend, the bird.

As for the years, they moved on like they always had, and the world changed around the rock, just like the world was wont to.

Centuries passed, and there was something vaguely sad about the rock that was as old as it looked, standing weathered and lonely amidst the stretch of sand. And as it listened to the waves, it thought of the sun on its surface, and the bird-shaped shadow that fell just so across the warmth, warmer than the sun itself.

Nothing's more blessing than having friends who really care about you.. I finally realise that I am not alone at all.. why do I only realise this now? It's not just purely random comments on the facebook and msg on msn.. I have so many "friends".. I thought they are just became hi-bye friends who will not cross my way anymore and I least expected them to think about me or care about me.. just a simple short sentence of how are you.. really touch my heart.. I don't see them as kaypoh.. they never are.. I finally see things clearer now.. I finally know I am the one shutting ppl out from my world.. keep putting negative thoughts in my head.. when all these are not true.. I am just so wrong... I am really thankful for making me realise.. thanks for being there..

The soft side

Kids have to go thru the naughty stage.. that is undeniable.. becos they don't know what is right or wrong..

My Malay neighbour kids are naughty and playful.. they always create nuisance by playing loudly and vandalise the corridor.. disturbing all the neighbours with their noise..

But you can't be angry with them.. becos they are kids.. and I even saw them gather at the staircase landing early in the morning to make a card for their mother.. it's quite touching.. they are sensible after all..

Everything has fast forward from the start to the end..

Is that the end? what am I still hoping for.. still looking forward to.. what have all the promises become? they are all empty now..

No choice, no comments, whatever I say.. I hate these answers.. didn't even try or make even the slightest efforts..

Am I being unreasonable or too demanding? or I give problems? I want to help.. I want to be there.. how can I do the right thing if I don't know anything..

I felt the pain and it is still there.. I am tired.. I am not strong at all.. Can I stop thinking about everything and pretend nothing happened? I can't..

Does life ends so sudden?

I received an email reply from an architect..
"Dear.. Roberto has passed away.."

When I saw this, I was so shocked.. and I felt a sourness in my heart.. although I am not close to this man, we did talk regarding work and I did know him.. to know that somebody you knew passed away.. it's quite sad.. and it is so sudden.. it really is.. I just spoke to him about 2 weeks ago.. and that time he looks okay to me.. don't look sick or weak at all.. and I have cc him an email 2 days ago but was informed about his passing by this architect whom I emailed to.. I don't dare to ask how he died.. that's being too busybody already..

I still remembered him saying "it's nice to see pretty girl coming into office once in a while" and I felt so paiseh and just smiled back.. it's true that construction site seldom has girls around.. but hear it from someone whom I don't really know, it just feel weird.. but this person is now gone..

why can life end so suddenly.. it's so unpredictable..

somebody told me that we have to live life to the fullest and not drown ourselves in work.. life can be so short and we have to treasure it.. and also treasure the people around us..

Why are they so mean?

Why are the DJs from 987 so mean? How can they say something so bad about a girl who didn't do anything bad to them..

I was listening to the radio on my van and was shocked to hear all the bad things.. they were talking about Claire Lee, the first runner up for Miss Singapore.. saying how ugly she is compared to the winner, Ris Low.. saying she is more ugly than Rihanna after she was abused by Chris Brown.. very against her to take over Ris to represent Singapore and then they say they like Ris.. saying she is a candid nice girl.. honest about what she did..

If Claire's family and friends heard these, I think they will be very sad.. these comments are so awful to hear..

I think media and reporters can really bring a person up to the sky and slam a person down to bottom.. and one time they can say something good about you at one point of time and then something bad about you at another point of time..

Is it silly?

Is it silly to make somebody a birthday present when you are not sure whether that person will appreciate it or treasure it? I asked my friend. Then she told me that we not only feel happy from taking, we also feel happy from giving.. I smiled when I heard that.. I am not silly at all..

Is it fate?

Has my call finally been heard after so long? it has happened so sudden and fast..

Is it a dream? It seems too nice to be true.. How long will this dream last? I hope it will last as long as possible..

"My" van

haha.. not exactly is mine.. it's my company's but bought for me to use.. sounds like a good deal right.. have vehicle to drive to work.. to meet clients.. to site.. and to any place after work..

but having a company vehicle means anytime the clients want to meet me, I will have to go.. no excuse that it is not convenient.. and anytime the installers miss out anything or need anything.. I will need to bring to them.. during busy period i will need to travel to 3 to 4 places in a day.. driving can be so tiring.. especially drive van cannot drive too fast.. on the expressway can be so boring.. and i have to make myself awake during driving.. which can be so difficult when I am so tired.. I also cannot give excuse that I cannot stay late in office becos of no transport.. so I usually stay late in office now..

driving company also means no more transport allowance.. lower salary now.. hai~ becos petrol, season parking, parking coupons, cashcard are paid.. no bad.. but I just can't stand to have less money in my bank :(

driving a van comes responsibilities like driving colleagues out from office.. taking care of the van.. and also have to settle troublesome matters like car repairs and servicing..

I was so unlucky last Wed that I met with a car accident.. nothing serious.. nobody hurt.. only my van and other party's car are hurt with minor injuries.. It happens on PIE.. there was heavy traffic and cars are moving slowly.. to get hit is so unexpected as I only moving forward slowly.. then suddenly I heard crashing sound.. I was so shocked and when I turned around.. I saw a car driven past me on my right very quickly to the front.. I stopped my car in the lane and was confused whether is that fast car which hit me or the car right behind me now.. I was thinking whether to chase that car or just stop there.. I drove forward slightly then saw a car stopped in front at the shoulder.. then I knew that was the car which hit me.. lucky they never hit and run away.. I was so worried lor.. when i see the damage on my van then I realised what happened.. the car was changing lane so closely that it hit the right back corner of my van..



the troublesome part of the accident is the report at the Idac the next day and then have to go to the repair workshop to repair the damage which took 2 days.. without the van, I have to take taxi and claim the money.. as the backlight has to be imported in.. I will have to wait about 2 months before the light can be repaired..

so is it good to have a vehicle? it has its good and bad.. after the accident, I just have some bad feeling about driving now.. will feel scared that I will meet with accident again.. maybe I will get over it soon bah..

Good Girls Go Bad

I love this song when I first heard it on radio.. it is so hot on air now..

it so fits what I am experiencing now.. haha..

Wish U Happy 44th National Day

Usually people don't send this kind of msgs to others as to many, it is just a public holiday.. it is not a very important day to most people.. nothing in particular to be happy about.. but I did receive this msg.. and I was happy to receive it.. becos it is from somebody that I least expected.. it is from an Indian worker who works for me.. he has made an effort to wish me..

thinking about it.. maybe in India.. national day is a very big and important day for everyone that worth celebrating and be happy about.. but here in Singapore.. patriotism is fading in some way.. not many people hang flags outside their flats.. not many people will tune in to watch the national day parade.. these are what I see from my friends.. it is not as interesting as going out with friends and watch movies.. which is so sad.. I will always make it point to watch the parade.. I have been balloting for tickets to watch it live but so suay.. never get the chance.. so if anyone has any extra tix in the next year, please give to me yah.. haha..

this year parade is really good.. more humour, less formal, more relaxed and interesting.. I don't get bored.. and my eyes were glued to the tv throughout the parade.. this year's parade is really successful.. no more cliche.. more Singapore.. and I like it!

Rag and Flag..

I never see so many alumni people attend rag day before until that day.. is it working will make you miss school life? for sci club people, rag day can really bring back memories.. It gives you a sense of belonging when you cheer with everyone else from sci fac and watch the float and presentation with pride..

The winning formula is not there yet.. I didn't help much this year except just made a small donation for flag and help to mache a bit but the raggers and flaggers did make as much effort as before.. but history can't repeat itself.. why? maybe the lessons are not learnt yet.. I was impressed by USP and Medicine floats..

USP and Medicine don't do rag just for winning.. their main reason for doing rag to bond their freshmen or people of similar mindset and interests.. They are just a small cohort compared to other faculties but they are able to gather as much resources as possible and gather all the manpower they have to put up a good show.. they have made it a fun experience for everyone and not a stressed one..

They are the so called brainy people in NUS.. but they have shown people that they don't only excel in academic, they can build things too.. they are willing to make their hands dirty and sweat through their shirts too..

Maybe we too into winning.. that has been the tradition.. and too into winning the biggest prize.. so izzit either we get the biggest or we get none? I just don't understand why can't work from the bottom.. at least there is some consolation for everyone's effort.. no, no, no.. science doesn't win most environmental or least cost.. that not what we want.. but why other faculties like SDE and medicine can win these kind of awards and still get best float and best rag?

I think mentality has to change.. Please observe more of what others have presented and pay more attention to things that have been neglected.. like flag.. these few years, biz has been slacking in their rag.. they knew that they do not have to have impressive float anymore to win.. they just have to concentrate on flag to win the chancellor's shield.. Is it because we don't have impressive alumni like Biz? I don't believe that.. I think sci flag is just been neglected.. and there are more things to be done.. learn from the halls.. I have a friend from kent ridge hall who did flag before.. they really work their brains every day to find money.. they don't wait for FOP period to come to start work..

It's not late to realize that flag is as important as rag.. I noticed more people are talking about flag now.. the next comm can still work out new strategies and win next year.. it is really time to change..

2009 National Day Theme Song is cool!

If you haven't being watching the tv, watch this..



the National Day theme song has gone into the trend of not easy to sing and hard to remember these years.. the only song I can remember is Home by Kit Chan.. the rest are so hard to recall.. maybe only the tanya chua and Stefanie's..

I find this year song cool becos it's by Electrico! Yeah.. Singapore band rockz!

Less than 2 days to my holiday!!

this is the first time I took leave for holiday trip.. haha.. yeah!! finally can have a break.. I really need this break to freshen up and also recharge for my busy work.. really really busy now.. working non stop and almost every day OT.. work is endless..

don't care.. I just need a break.. going to Guangzhou on Thurs early flight.. yes.. it's crazily early.. flight at 625 and so need to read airport by 425!! haha.. first time take so early flight.. good experience yah.. haha..

Why guangzhou? becos my friend's parents live there.. so there is free accomodation and maybe free food.. haha.. so nice of my friend to invite us :)

I going to shop, shop, shop.. never spend any money on clothings this Singapore sales.. so to save money to shop at guangzhou.. I need to buy shoes!! not sure whether can see things that I want.. but I will just buy something no matter what.. haha..

I will be back on next mon.. back to work on Tue.. I think there will be a lot of work piled up for me.. hai~ sad right..

I am not forgotten yet:)

I have not made a wrong choice of going to the SCAMP bash this year..

I need a chance to meet up with my old friends and old freshies.. I know I will be quite extra there already.. with so many unfamiliar faces there.. but there are still some familiar faces.. and going with all the lao jiaos make me less of extra.. haha..

It's great to receive hugs from ppl I quite long never meet le.. I am sooo happy and excited to see there.. I really felt the warmth man.. haha.. and we nadir ppl took group photos non-stop yah.. every photo with one additional members we manage to find.. haha..

From 4 ppl to..

The Return of Nadirrrr..

My first and 2nd batch of freshies.. haha..

it has almost been a year since I club already.. haha.. felt so great to be able to club again.. I not too old yet yah.. haha..

and this really brought back the memories of the great time I have in science club...

Come and Leave..

My first friend and maybe my only true friend in office is going to leave.. he just broke the news to me today.. there were reasons.. I think it's the loss of the company.. he is really hardworking.. and he picks up things fast.. I felt sad.. really.. sad.. after he told me the news.. but I think he deserves a better job and company.. who really appreciates him.. I wish him all the best..

I was touched by what he said.. he said that I am his first friend in the company so he has to let me know the news of him leaving.. that is the little warmth that I felt that is sufficient to keep me strong in the cold.. but this warmth going to disappear and can I find warmth from somebody else? I think I can but I just have to be careful.. and not jump into any fire..

My disappointment has grown as time goes by..

Fakeness..

Aren't people tired to be fake? I am.. I can't fake and lie well.. but some ppl can.. and do it very well..

you can say I am not a very trusting person.. so I will suspect whether the person is faking or lying.. I tell myself to believe.. but when I just happen to see the truth, it is just so disappointing.. I rather you say "no, i can't..", "i don't feel like going" and I get the clear message.. it is just so simple.. I dislike ppl lie to me.. give me all the redundant so-called reasons.. what for? I rather you be mean in my face rather then I keeping suspecting.. it's so tiring for everyone..

Tried..

I tried twitter.. set up a account.. following 13 accounts.. have 20 followers and 17 updates.. what do I follow? mostly news.. so latest news updates will appear when I log on.. news from BBC, CNN, channel news asia.. they have flooded my home page.. I also follow some techies to get updates about gadgets.. such as N97.. I haven't have time to read everything.. like I haven't have time to update "what are you doing?".. sometimes I have mental block.. what should I write? I am not interesting at all.. but ppl still follow me.. they just want to increase their followers base.. so they can spam the things that they are marketing.. yes.. twitter is a way to market yourself.. is it effective? for dell.. yes..

I am always curious about things.. twitter is started from the west.. Obama tweets.. the celebrity tweets.. so I must try tooo.. there were so many new phrases that are associated with twitter.. haha.. twitter is really effective in changing the way of communication...

I saw some of friends using Fring to log on to msn using handphone.. so I also went to try it.. Fring allows you to log on to msn, twitter, facebook and many others via 3G, GPRS or WiFi connections.. I trying msn and twitter.. for msn.. only the nickname is shown.. I have a number of friends who don't put their names on their nicknames.. so I have trouble identify them.. I usually identify them by their email add.. for twitter.. the latest updates from the ppl I follow are shown.. and there is a tweet sound when there is a new update.. haha.. quite interesting.. I want to try facebook.. but can't figure out what is facebook userid.. haha.. if anybody knows, please let me know.. I have problem logging on to Fring at home.. something wrong with my wireless.. the connection will easily break off.. so not so useful for me..

I tried friendster, myspace, facebook, twitter.. what's next?

Amused..

Amused by what kind of bad things ppl can say about me.. I don't know whether this person really told me the "true" things that ppl talk about me.. but I just feel these are so ridiculous.. exaggerated.. as I have a bad memory, the first moment that I heard it.. I was thinking whether I did things.. did I? don't think so leh.. anyway.. I was not upset by this.. I was not.. becos I have told myself that this is not important anymore.. I just do my job well.. but if this bad rumour sabotage my work.. I will definitely be angry.. angry not sad.. If you ppl feel happy disturbing me.. I will just be stronger than what you all think.. thinking about it why should I be scared..

At this moment, it is just so amusing.. and so silly..

SPEED!!!

haha.. today went to the gym and saw SPEED's MTV.. it's their latest single.. S.P.D... they are coming back with their new album.. yeah!! so happy.. before Avril, they were my idol.. ya.. even though I don't understand Jap.. I just love their songs.. haha.. sound so crazy.. will buy their album when it comes out in Aug.. haha.. buy not download yah.. haha..

It's cold..

It's cold at work.. not only literally cold but cold in the attitude, cold in the behaviour.. that will be me.. I got nothing much to say..

It's cold at home.. the cold war is still on going.. but who cares? we just can't talk..

Where is the warmth? Maybe only the hot weather out there can keep me warm..

I must be crazy

I must be crazy..

ignoring and avoiding the care and concern from those who really care about me..
but wishing and waiting for the concern from ppl who will never ever care about me..

I should have open up to those want to care about me and give up on those hopeless..

but I am stubborn.. I will not do that now.. maybe I am destined to be alone at this moment..

Sense of achievement..

my sense of achievement will come from teaching my mother English.. we just started the first lesson today.. I am giving my mum free tuition once a week.. I have initiated it and even bought the primary school English books to teach her.. hope I can be a good teacher to her.. haha..

I also restarted my own keyboard lesson after stopping so long.. haha.. I teaching myself how to play keyboard.. don't know how much I can learn.. maybe I will give up very soon.. that's me.. no patience..

The power of my blog..

Didn't know my blog can really upset anyone..

when i started write my blog.. with the title "Really Can't Stand It!".. I have planned to write whatever that is in my mind that I can't stand or can't bear to hold it in my mind any longer.. it is a way to empty my mind.. and this blog will be about myself, what I feel and what I see.. I didn't want to control the way I write and tailor it to be a nice blog.. or reader friendly.. I just wrote what I think.. even though I did exercise some self control.. by not naming the people I talking about.. as I must say I never want anybody to think that i am actually talking about them.. I am just being whiny.. and only me myself will really know what I am talking about.. it is just an one-sided story.. ppl can easily misinterpret what I talking and making things worse..

My blog is up to your interpretations.. and I shall not explain much to you what I am writing even if you ask.. as I can't explain my life to everybody.. maybe I will.. see how important you are to me.. If you are upset by my posts, I must say you are upset by your own interpretation.. it may not be the true meaning of my post.. if you think I am talking about you, just treat it as a coincidence.. or think about it.. are you really behaving totally like what I have described? If it is not 100% then it may not be you.. please don't take my blog personally..

So am i unhappy? maybe I was.. I have high tendency to be unhappy but not now anymore.. becos I was enlightened by 2 people whom I want to thank.. they have been truthful to me.. made me recognize my faults and shortcomings.. and the reality of the working world.. I think pretending that nothing is wrong, and pushing my luck is no use now.. I can't be always thick skin and think everybody can accept my way.. I just have to change.. and now i know what i need to change.. I will try and let's see how things will go..

Colleague or friend?

I have one colleague who always use this phrase: "We can only be colleagues, and not friends." She told this to everyone.. even to those closer colleagues.. and I sort of agree to it now..

I asked another colleague just now whether we can have friends in office.. and he said that we can have friends but it is just another category of friends.. different from those we have outside.. why and how different? he just say that certain things we can say to outside friends but not to office friends.. yup.. backstabbing can so easily occur in office.. even a slip of the mouth may cause some harm.. so everyone is guarded..

just like in uni.. we have many categories of friends.. lowest level is hi-bye friends whom our conversation only involve "Hi! How are you? Got to go.. Bye! Cya!!" then course friends whom we say more than a hi and bye.. will talk about our own course.. then closer study gang or friends whom we will take many modules together and discuss more than studies and then our close friends whom we will go graduation trip with and even maintain contact now after graduation...

Office friends just end on the level of course friends or the higher level will be study gang but is just those whom we will not talk less of personal things.. and these kind of friends are quite rare.. I know of friends who has even closer friends in workplace like those working in labs or places where most of their colleagues are about the same age as them.. lucky for them.. but not for me..

in my office.. I still prefer the phrase "colleagues" to call most people and not "friends".. like I the way i treat course friends as course mates or classmates.. "friends" is reserved for those one or two whom i see worth..

Beware of the MRT serial toucher..

I seldom take train to work.. unless my colleague is not free to fetch us.. and I usually will take bus.. and 2 days ago.. I took train to expo.. and that morning, the train is as usual quite packed.. but there are still some loose spaces for standing.. then I was standing somewhere the door.. a guy suddenly squeeze to the space right behind me.. standing quite close to me.. his hand was holding on to his backpack which is slinged on one of his shoulder.. actually I was quite puzzled by his action.. there is so much space on the other side.. why must he squeeze here? I thought he may be getting off the next stop but he didn't..

on the train, it's quite natural that you will swing slightly by the jerking of the train.. okay.. the first time, the back of his hand seems to be touching my butt.. I was wearing jeans.. I thought it was accidental.. so never think much about it.. then there is a 2nd time and then a 3rd time.. okay.. I am slow yah.. I finally realise it is not accidental so shift my position further from him.. and he immediately change his target by turning around to face the other side.. my friends told me that I should have shouted at him and stared at him.. and not be a silent victim.. haha.. I think I dare to do this lah.. I just can quietly suffer lor..

I continue observing him from the reflection of the train window.. and I think he also touched another women who turn back to look at his hand.. the man pretended nothing happen and just an ordinary passenger.. he continued to look around to look for his next target.. I wanted to take a photo of him but can't seem to have the chance to take it secretly.. haha.. anyway he is about mid 20s and is wearing his company blue polo tee (j*** engineering) and blue jeans.. I think that is his typical working attire so can easily identify if you ever see him..

after a few stops, he walked to the next compartment of the train where I think he saw his next target..

it is not the first time I saw a bo liao pervert.. last year.. there was another guy who wanted to take photo up my skirt on a escalator.. but his handphone happened to touh my leg so I spotted him and he immediately run up the escalator and escaped.. therefore I have been very careful now if I wear a short skirt..

Where is my old self?

Where is that only child, independent, loner attitude?

I used to be a loner.. i wanted to be a loner and I distaste those people who always follow decision that is made by their friends.. they need to follow their friends wherever they go.. even the schools they go.. to be always together.. I used to be so until early uni.. but I have changed.. changed under circumstances.. under the influence of my environment and the people i know.. now i don't like to go back to loner anymore.. and I become more dependent on my friends.. to be honest, I can't live life without friends anymore.. I am not happy doing things alone.. so sad..

last time i also have many friends.. but they are just friends.. my priorities are my parents and studies.. I can just find things to do even without friends.. so I became a loner.. I could have very close friends but I set up an invisible wall to block them away from my inner self.. I dislike people to get too close to me so follow me wherever I go.. it's like no freedom and so they went to be close friends with other people and they are even closer now.. and me.. ended up with no close friends at all..

I can say i have 1 or 2 close friends now.. but they are never the ones whom I will share things with every moment.. we only meet up once in a while to update each other on the happenings.. I seem so sociable.. so many friends but I am just so empty inside.. I tried to open my heart to people whom I thought can be my close friends but they are just not interested.. I am just bad in judging people.. am I too reserved and too choosy in choosing friends? I think I am..

I sort of give up now.. I will treasure what I have now.. and I should be going back to my old self.. just be happy with doing things alone.. one person can also enjoy and of course spending time with people who are sincerely true friends will be even better.. just one or two will be sufficient..

I am an unhappy person..

I think I am the person with the problem.. I think too much into things and people.. I should just take things easy and not be too serious in handling everything.. I think i need to learn.. becos i have think too much.. with all the negative thinkings i have become more unhappy.. I like to guess what others are doing.. assuming what they are thinking and why they behaving in certain ways.. I have my own opinions but that does not mean is truely happening in the minds of others.. I have over think things..

I hate myself for that.. all the unhappiness is rooted from myself.. others are just being themselves.. I can't force them to do whatever that I feel confortable.. if they don't feel like talking to me, i can't force them to do so.. everybody has their own ways of living their life.. and I can't make everyone my friends if they just don't want to be.. and I should not have accomodate myself to fit into their circle if it is not suitable for me at all.. there is give and take.. if I want to gain the friendship and trust of a group of people, I will certainly face the loss of another group of friends.. everyone has their own standard of judging people.. and I can't be a person that can fit every standards.. I just have to accept that fact..

I just have to.. to be a happy person..

Yeah! I have passed!!

I have passed my driving test last tues.. haha.. finally.. after spending $2000 plus on driving.. didn't calculate the amount until someone asked me about it.. I didn't know I will spend so much.. and is capable of spending so much.. haha.. hope that I am not so poor after this.. anyway.. the driving test is not easy yah.. before that it was raining so heavily then it finally stopped just before my test.. then the tester came late.. I was the last to start my test.. and I have 16 demerit points.. 8 for turning when the green arrow is blinking.. I didn't even notice that.. haha.. then the rest are for driving to slowly or fail to check for safety.. anyway.. like what my friend says demerit points doesn't matter.. becos I have passed.. I haven't tried driving after passing.. hope to do it soon.. if not I will definitely forget everything.. and I already have my triangle plates standby.. haha.. and I got them for free.. shhh.. hee...

I also passed my probation period.. finally 6 months are over.. and I get my pay rise!!! yeah!! this also means I have to work harder yah.. no more honeymoon.. work has started to pile up.. and I just have to love them.. haha..

Am I an easy target?

If you enjoy being fierce to me, I don’t enjoy it at all..

If you feel nothing about embarrassing me in front of ppl, I did feel something..

If you think I look so toot that I am an easy target for bully, you are wrong..

If you think I am in bad mood, am I? I just trying to be emotionless and lie low.. and being busy has given me the excuse to do that.. I think I never even show my true bad mood yet..

If you think I am just thinking too much, that means you are thinking too little.. have you ever think about what you have done? Maybe it is not your business at all.. why did I come near in the first place?

If you are feeling jealous, I can’t stop it.. as I am just being myself.. I am doing what I think is right and I have my ways.. and it’s just my fate and luck that I am what I am now..

If you did it on purpose to provoke me, to teach me a lesson, I think you succeeded.. I really did learn something.. I should not have become your "no choice".. I thought I am something, but seems like I am nothing to you.. I am thankful for all you have done for me, truely thankful.. you may not appreciate what I done at all.. and may not remember.. it is still my own choice.. nobody force me..

I am also sorry if my problems become your problems.. I just didn't know I am such a pain in the ass..

If you didn't keep my secrets at all, I don't blame you becos it is my own fault to disclose them to you.. but don't worry, I don't believe in taking revenge although my mind is telling me to do that.. I will not tell others what I know about you..

I should have listen to my parents and friends earlier.. I should have.. it’s too late now and I was too stubborn.. I believed that there were still some chances.. there should be.. but seems like I am wrong.. and seems like I just like to appear and do the wrong things at the wrong time.. maybe I am really toot..

I just so not used to the true cold and complicated human world.. maybe.. others feel the same way about me too.. not maybe.. high chance it will..

To all my friends out there, I really miss you..

Busy and tired but happy :)

yah.. my work has started to get more busy.. can't slack anymore yah.. more challenging and more exciting.. haha.. there are really so much things to learn now.. I just need to absorb as much as possible and do my things properly.. problems will most likely to have.. unavoidable.. so it will depend on how I handle them.. can't give up yah..

just had my birthday last sun.. not much of celebration.. my parents not in town.. went to malaysia for qing ming.. I never join them becos travel to and fro too tiring.. so stay in Singapore and went out with my friend.. this friend has been so nice yah.. willing to come out with me.. even though very busy and tired.. and gave me a movie treat.. haha.. thankz man.. you are a great friend!

anyway.. my parents not with me on my birthday but we had a dinner together on the thurs for a early birthday celebration.. haha.. with my vouchers, we ate at cafe swiss at swissotel.. to be honest, if we don't have the $120 vouchers, we will not be eating there.. I have tried my best to choose one of the lowest priced restaurant there.. but in the end I still need to top up $60.. haha.. so ex right.. there's fine dining mah with good services.. which all of us are not used to yah.. but at least the meal is filling.. delicious? okay lah.. except that my mum says the lamb is a bit tasteless without the sauce.. haha.. and my steak is a bit burnt.. the appetiser goose liver with apple not bad.. we first time ate goose liver leh.. so sua gu.. haha.. we called the set meal.. so everyone can order 2 dishes.. each of us ordered a main course: salmon fillet, steak and lamb.. in addition a appetiser, a minestrone soup and a chocolate cake dessert which we shared.. they also give free flow of breads.. I don't think we will go there again unless we have vouchers becos it is really too ex for the whole family.. but I heard citibank credit card has 50 % discount but don't know it is valid till when..

the happy family at dinner..

goose liver with apple..

My mum's salmon fillet..

my beef steak..

Lamb meat and my dad's big tummy.. haha..

Chocolate cake with vanilla ice cream and apricot

I want to thank all those who have wished me happy birthday thru sms, msn or facebook.. you are the ones who make me not feeling alone in this world.. and thankz for the presents.. no matter what they are, I will treasure them :)

Get the taste of HIV..

Saw this video on MTV Asia while exercising.. this commercial is really interesting.. passing your chewing gum is just like passing HIV virus.. Do the young ppl now have the habit of chewing gum that others have chew before? I saw the same kind of scene in Nick and Norah's infinite playlist.. Is that the current culture?

it is just an ordinary gum but you never know the danger that it brings. you never know who or how many ppl have chew it before.. just like you never know who your sexual partner has sex before.. HIV may unknowingly be passed to you.. and you tasted it..

Trying to forget..

I have been searching hard for the causes of the situation that have been quite disturbing to me.. I feel frustrated by the unfairness.. what did I do to cause the bad impression? I have been too loud.. asked too much and talked too much.. but am I really asking too much and talking too much? I don't really think so.. I am just doing what I think is right.. am I too naive to think that I can act differently from the norm? I know this is unacceptable by the general group but I just want to change ppl's idea.. but seems like I am the one who pull all the eyes and trouble on myself.. I have to be careful.. now I understand why certain ppl will behave in a certain way.. I just have to learn to be like them.. but this is so not me..

Never make a wrong choice..

watched Suspect X.. It is a good movie! The twist at the end really caught me unexpected..

How did the murderers get such a perfect alibi and evidence? they were at the murder scene.. how can they appear at the cinema? there were many questions but the ending has explained everything.. Is the mathematician such a genius? he really is.. but I still don't agree the extent he goes to help the murderers.. innocent ppl should not be sacrificed to be "the gear of the clockwork".. no matter how unimportant he is to the society.. but the physicist is a genius too.. to solve something that even the police can't solve.. logic was used to cover up the crime and it was also used to solve the crime.. but it is interesting.. who will know scientists are also good in committing and solving crime.. haha..
I also watched The Reader.. it is a really sad movie.. War movie again.. haha.. nevermind the nudity and affair in the beginning.. the main drama of the story came at the 2nd half.. the war crime trial for the unforgivable and unavoidable sin that is committed during the war by sending jews to death to make space for the newcomers in the concentration camp.. the shame of being illiterate that caused Hanna to go to great extent to keep this secret.. the strong desire to learn reading and writing by listening to the stories read by the reader.. and lastly the suicide to end everthing.. this story is very sad and touching.. the love was so strong that it turned to hatred.. and this hatred in the end was resolved by the love that still remained..

I felt different this time..

This is a different experience from others.. I really enjoy this interaction.. and I am starting to miss it.. Will there be a chance again? I'm not sure but I am positive.. I will be lucky :)

Many many movies..

Last month I have watched so many movies..

Firstly is red cliff part 2.. it is again a showcase of how clever Zhuge Liang and Zhou Yu are.. and how courageous the rest of the generals are and how dumb Cao Cao has become for starting and also delay the attack for a woman he is smitten with.. I still hate war with so many innocent soldiers and citizens being killed just becos of the "big plans" the generals have.. is it really worth it? exchanging lives for land and power..

second is Valkyrie.. the plot is so forgettable.. and has no impact at all.. what I can remembered is that tom cruise's character, Colonel Claus von Stauffenberg, was involved in a anti-Hitler plan with some German army officers.. he was the key plotter and the executor of the plan to assassinate Hitler.. and he wants to use Operation Valkyrie to take control of Berlin but the plan is so badly planned with so many loopholes and so many incooperative and untrustable officers are invloved.. the support is not there.. and how can it be successful.. Hitler was not dead and they are executed in the end..

third is Slumdog Millionaire.. it is a touching story which many people who have watched it will agree.. it is about an india boy who is so lucky in the sense that he won the Indian's version of "Who wants to be a Millionaire?".. how he manage to answer all the qns.. is he so intelligent and well read? not really.. he just happened to have a good memory.. who can remember clearly what he experienced in his life.. and all the qns seem to fit in to his life.. how he jumped into the shit hole to see his idol and get his signature.. how his mother was killed by the anti-muslim indians.. how he got adopted and nearly blinded by the gangsters.. how he lived a unstable life with his bad brother.. no matter how bad and money minded the brother is, he still love and care for his younger brother.. and how he always searching for his love and won't give up when he is faced with so many obstacles.. will a slumdog always be a slumdog? Can't a slumdog be a millionaire? Can't a slumdog have dream and find love? Does a slumdog have to stay bullied by the gangsters forever? This story has brought hope to all the people living in slums.. why will they be so interesed in watching "Who wants to be a Millionaire?" becos they can have dream.. dream to win big bucks to leave the slum.. like the person who won the contest.. it can be done.. and the dream of the producers and crews of this movie has come true.. this movie is well-received and has won many Oscar Awards..

Fourth is The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. People always regret about things that have passed and done and hope that time can turn back and things can reverse and happen differently but will it give a better result? may not be so.. this movie is about seeing life going reverse in a different perspective.. but no matter which direction life goes.. the natural processes are still unavoidable.. Benjamin may in the appearance be opposite to the ppl his age.. his thinking and behaviour are still naturally the same as ppl his age.. some things are just unavoidable.. its a cycle.. no matter how you reverse.. you will still meet the point in the cycle.. although the movie is very long, I am not really bored at all as the movie is quite well paced and I will be curious to know what will happen next in benjamin's life till his death as a baby.. the make up and special effects used to make Brad Pitt and Cate Blanchett look young and old are really impressive..
Fifth is Departures.. Oscar's best foreign language film.. it is a simple story but is interesting enough to keep you awake in the wee hours.. I cried a lot while watching this movie becos it involved too many deaths and it is so sad to see the grieving family members of the dead.. every cases were so touching.. you will be touched by the determination of the protagonist to carry on to be the encoffinment professional even though he is faced with the objection of his wife and people around him.. becos death is a big taboo.. a person who has to touch so many dead people is usually not so well liked by others.. but this movie has showed how meaningful this job actually is.. these professionals make sure that your love ones leave this world with a pretty and peaceful appearance which stay true to who they are.. no matter how you may hate a person, when he is gone, the hatred will also be gone and you will only be faced with the regret that how things can have turned out before the life ends.. it's always so..

I'm okay..

have been quite emo last month.. becos of some frustrating things.. but I think these have happened due to my over-thinking-things problem.. I like to think too much.. anyway.. if you have read my previous post.. it is not really serious now.. I am still friend with the person.. and even quite close now in a way..

to those of you who have been quite concerned about me.. just want to let you know.. I am okay le.. don't worry.. I am not backstabbed or what.. i just feeling frustrated about how I was treated sometimes.. after throwing everything into my blog, I have felt so much better le..

actually, there is another person that I have problem with.. it has been quite some time.. I thought things have got better.. but not really.. I just don't really understand why the person can't treat me nicely.. I have tried my best to increase the interaction.. but that person still resist it strongly and even complain to others about me.. whether is jealousy or what.. or just dislike my face or personality.. I don't know.. I don't know when did I started the dislike or how.. I just don't understand.. am I really so irritating? maybe I should just stop talking to the person.. maybe that person will take the initiative to talk to me.. I just feel sad that ppl treat me like that with no serious reason..

maybe I should stay less sociable then I will not meet so many interpersonal problems.. last month is so happening and messy.. but everything has sort of quieten down.. maybe I am so obvious in turning ppl off.. yah.. if I am not interested, I will show it in a polite and obvious way.. haha.. and I think the hint should be quite effective as the results have shown.. maybe I should have played along since I am so free.. but that's not me.. don't like then don't like.. can't fake..

anyway.. I am also not so free now.. after seeing myself putting on a few kg and hearing ppl saying I am fat liao.. I have decided to exercise more! I have joined a gym and I hope the personal trainer can help me to look and feel better.. haha.. but I think it will be tough.. becos I am aching all over now.. I need to persever and committed so that the money that I put in will not go into the drain..

other than being occupied with exercising and driving.. yup my test is on 28th Apr.. but I can't manage to book enough lessons yet for my revision.. feel so gan cheong now.. haha.. I have become more busy with my work.. with a new project coming up.. I can't slack liao.. but I still looks so slack.. haha..

Still so silly and dumb..

I should be preparing to sleep now.. becos I am so tired.. but there is something bothering me now that if I don't blog about it now.. I will have forced myself to forget it when I woke up.. and I think I will not be able to bring myself to tell the person face-to-face..

I wanted to tell this 'friend' what is in my mind now.. it is 'friend' becos I really don't know whether this person is really my friend.. I know I am a sensitive person.. I maybe over-sensitive.. but I just feel that I am like being used.. I don't know whether you have wanted to get near to me or being nice to me just becos you have a motive which is get more info..

When I feel that a person is worth being my true friend, I will put in near 100% of efforts to maintain the friendship and treat the person with near 100% of sincerity.. becos I really cherish true friendships.. maybe I am an only child so I really put friends in the higher priority after my parents.. I can't survive without friends.. although I put in so much efforts, I will never ever expect the other person to reciprocate with the same effort.. I have experienced before.. you view ppl as friends, they may not view you this way.. everybody has their own set of opinions.. maybe I am just not good enough for them.. or the timing is just not right.. they already have their own true friends.. why will they need me? but I always been so silly and dumb to just put in my best efforts to help and treat them well.. even though I know I may not get anything in return and I don't really want anything.. I just want the true friendship..

I thought this 'friend' can be my true friend.. I really thought so.. becos I really feel the care and concern from you.. and I always being so naive to only think that way.. and never want to think so much.. but this has changed now.. after experiencing "when I need you I will look for you, when I no need you I don't want to care or talk to you", I start to have 2nd thought.. I really feel that you are treating me this way.. I start to think whether you treat me nice to be in my good book.. becos I get along well with other people? I can get more info easily and feed you with these info? I just naturally know a lot of things when ppl talk around me.. I don't really go and find out or kaypoh.. and I don't really go around to tell ppl things that I heard.. unless that it is harmless or I really trust the person whom I tell the things to.. so I really put in my trust to tell you.. I have trusted you..

I tried to tell you about my personal stuff you seems not interested at all.. you only interested in the info that I provide you.. then I start to feel you actually don't really care about me at all.. you maybe just feel lonely sometimes and need somebody to accompany you and provide you with interesting stories that what I feel.. and you think that you have to be nice to me to exchange for the info.. I actually don't mind telling you things.. but to think that I just mean nothing much to you compared to the info.. I feel so silly and dumb again.. why must I commit the same mistakes again? why am I being so trusting? I just know that if I don't give, I will definitely get none in return.. so I must try to give no matter what..

I just feel that I getting my "retribution" for not cherishing the friendships I have when I am younger so end up I have put in more efforts to build up good karma to really get true friends.. and this will take time..

I still hope that I am being oversensitive and over thinking things.. and I have misunderstood your behaviour.. maybe I just don't understand you at all.. I don't really know you, to be honest..

Movies time..

I have actually watched Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist last month.. another late update.. haha.. too busy lah..

this movie has the same style as Juno.. same lead actor.. haha.. same kind of indie movie about teenagers.. and its soundtrack plays a great part in flow of the movie.. becos this movie is about music.. Nick and Norah's favourite songs and indie bands.. this is also the part that I like about this movie.. I am a fan of indie music and rock bands!

anyway.. not to get carried away.. haha.. the actors and actresses are natural in the acting that you find it fake at all.. it touched on the issue of gays.. whom I always believe that we should not view them differently.. what's wrong with being gay? It also talks about college relationships and the boyfriend or girlfriend for benefits.. sometimes you feel so lonely that when someone treated you well and be there for you, even if it is for benefits, you will don't really care about it and accept this kind of relationship.. till you met someone that truely likes you as you are and not what riches you have then you will find out how silly you are in holding on to a relationship that is so empty..

I also watched another movie called 12 lotus.. everyone should know this local production by Royston Tan.. when it was released, all my friends say it is not nice at all.. boring compared to the same time released Money Not Enough 2.. I haven't watched Money Not Enough yet.. but I have my own take on 12 lotus..

This movie is similar to 881.. becos it also talks about the live on getai.. but this time, instead of talking the life a pair of sisters, 12 lotus is about a getai singer who has a hard and bitter life.. 12 phases of her bitter life was presented.. and it also ended sadly.. it is a sad story which is punctuated with some happy singing.. due to her silliness and mental illness, funny things happened.. guanyin needs to cut hair?? haha.. the boring parts maybe are the singing of hokkien songs.. so drama like in 881.. but I think that is royston's style bah..

anyway.. this movie is also about love for benefits.. which is not true love.. all the men in Lian Hua's life always have motives to get near her.. for her body, for her money.. except for astroboy.. who really cared for her but will inevitably have to leave her after he has grown up.. in the end.. she was killed becos of the love that she has held on..

The kid actor and actress are the most outstanding.. they sang hokkien songs so well and acted so naturally.. even better than some of the adult actors.. haha..

I finally started project!

After becoming an "IT and excel expert", I am finally given a project to do.. a condo signage project.. I am assisting a manager.. but the manager is very busy with the many projects he is handling.. so in reality, I am more than assisting.. I have to make sure that things get going.. and I finally know that it is not easy with the limited technical and project managing knowledge I have.. I have a lot to learn..

There were moments of blurness.. helplessness.. embarrassment.. frustration.. which I have to face and handle.. I don't like these feelings and I hope to conquer them in the future.. and I know a new word which is "accountability".. in work, you are accountable for everything you do so you can't do whatever you like.. and "face" is very important to get things done.. therefore, I always believe in having a good rapport with colleagues..

I finally got drunk!

haha.. having wish for that for quite some time.. I finally experienced drunk.. haha.. you must be thinking I am crazy right.. but being very curious about things.. and everything wants to at least try once.. I want to try to experience being drunk.. and I did it!

My drunk experience is actually a memory lost experience becos I can't remember anything that had happened.. From the moment I am drunk to the moment that I reached home.. I can't remember what exactly happened.. no recollection.. only the next day I reached office when my colleagues told me what happened then I know.. haha.. scary right.. and so dangerous right..

that day was my company dnd.. I am not drunk at the dnd.. only drink beer until high yah.. haha.. I think I drank about 6 mugs of beer.. becos my colleagues knew I can drink well and make me drink with them lah.. actually that day, I did tell them that I wanted to be drunk.. haha.. then after the dnd, I went to ktv with a number of them.. and they ordered some liquors.. and I drank a few glasses.. I was waiting for my song to come and it was coming up next! but I blanked out.. I remembered I vomited and then some recollection of me in the car and speaking to my father on the phone.. haha.. that's all..

I actually vomited 4 times and dirtied my clothes.. my colleagues have helped to clean me and also apply ointment on my head but I don't even know this.. haha.. I think I am in the sleep state already.. I also vomited on my colleague's hand lor.. so dirty.. feel so bad lor.. how I walk to the car and back home.. I also can't really remembered.. but back home I am already conscious and could shower and blew dry my hair before sleeping at 5am.. haha.. so early right and imagine.. I still woke up at 6 plus to go work.. haha.. amazing right..

my father was very worried about me becos he called me from 1 plus am to 3 plus!! and I didn't pick up his call until I am in the car as I was already unconscious.. haha.. the first thing he asked is whether I am drank.. and I quickly say no lah.. haha.. I don't know whether he suspected anything when I reached home.. I remembered he was nagging non stop when I am back.. what is he nagging I can't remember.. haha.. the next day, my mum also asked me whether I was drunk.. haha.. and of course I say no.. hee.. bad to lie yah..

The hangover is so bad lah.. head feels like in outerspace.. so "spacy" haha.. headache and nausea feeling.. tummy ache.. but I still have to concentrate on working.. go to site that day.. I just like to push myself.. haha.. I knew I got work to complete that day.. I can't just anyhow take leave mah.. I just got to concentrate..

what did I learnt from this experience? is to not get drunk again.. I finally know my limit and I not going to drink so much anymore.. but I will still drink.. hee..

and I want to thank my colleagues who have taken care of me and cleaning me up the whole night and sent me safely home.. haha.. surprisingly I don't smell the vomit at all when I reached home.. and they are so nice that they never took any photos or videos of me in my drunken state yah.. haha.. Thank you!

The hype about twilight..

Even if the movie is no longer showing in the cinema.. everyone is still talking about twilight.. its book, its soundtrack, its characters..

I never watch this movie becos my friend has told me it is not worth watching.. not nice.. but there are some who love the romantic story and the characters so much that they will go and buy the books, soundtrack and wait for the dvd to come out to watch again.. okie.. is it soooo good?? haha.. I thought to myself.. so tempted to watch the movie and read the books also.. haha.. wait for my friend to lend me the dvd yah..

anyway.. long before the movie came out.. I already heard of stephenie meyer and her books becos she got some book prize for her novel.. I remembered her becos her name is close to mine mah.. haha.. and that time her novels have become bestsellers.. and now becos of the movie, twilight has gone out of stock.. serious or not?? I went to popular and her book is out of stock.. wah!!

I am not thinking of buying the book anyway.. not a fan.. haha.. but her books have become the next harry potter... on train you can see ppl reading the books.. so interesting meh.. haha..

anyway.. I love twilight's soundtrack.. especially the song "Flightless Bird, American Mouth" by Iron & Wine.. never watch the movie but listen to its songs.. haha..

Nice Quote :)

Was happened to listen to perfect ten and heard this nice William Arthur Ward quote:

“A true friend knows your weaknesses but shows you your strengths; feels your fears but fortifies your faith; sees your anxieties but frees your spirit; recognizes your disabilities but emphasizes your possibilities.”

I really hope to have more of this kind of true friends.. it is hard to get but I will cherish what I have and hope the friendships I have will move to the level of "true friend" one day..

anyway.. I feel "loved" in office now.. becos there are ppl who really care and concern about me.. I really like to think so.. and not suspect anything.. and I will like to maintain it this way..